[littleone01]

[F]
Hi,

Im writing in today as my ex and I broke up four years ago and not too long after I started seeing my current boyfriend. When we broke up I thought it was normal to dream about him, but lately I find myself dreaming about him 3-4 times a week :confused:? My dreams are pretty consistent in that, we both are in current relationships, yet finding ourselves in bed with one another realizing how much we still love each other. :o What I am worried about, is why am I still dreaming about him and why is it that I don't dream about my current boyfriend?? Are my dreams trying to tell me something? Sincerely confused day dreamer :cool:

[Ulysses]

Hi, littleone01

Maybe one of the clues is that according to Mr Freud hard recent emotions and situations rarely emerge in our dreams, until they are completely repressed and put to the deep of unconsciousness. Now that it's 4 years after it happened, you must have overcome it and your mind is bringing those interpretations out into your dreams. None of our (esp. bad) experience disappears forever, it just seems to be transformed by the consience into smth less painful.
PS I am not a qualified psychologist, mb there are other people on this forum who could give you an insight.

[littleone01]

I appreciate your answer, yet I just think it was all to easy to say.. Im not criticizing your answer at all.. I guess.. I just don't know what I want to hear..
I know my ex and I broke up suddenly and well, he has a new girlfriend and I have a new boyfriend, I guess I never fully dealt with the break up.
I understand that by now I should have, but I just don't know I can??

[Geoffersonairplane]

I appreciate your answer, yet I just think it was all to easy to say.. Im not critizing your answer at all.. I guess.. I just dont know what I want to hear..
I know my ex and I broke up suddenly and well, he has a new girlfriend and I have a new boyfriend, I guess I never fully dealt with the break up.
I understand that by now I should have, but I just dont know I can ????

May I ask a question? (if you don't mind) Did your ex end the relationship or did you or was it a mutual thing?

[talaniman]

From time to time I still think of my exes and though it is disconncerting, I just take it as old memories sneaking back through my dreams, my last one was from 4th grade so I would take them and not read anything more into it than it was a dream.

[littleone01]

Thanks Geoffersonairplane for you interest in my question.
To begin, I am Canadian, and in Canada we go to high school for 5 years, then 2 years of college and then 3 years of university... ( to give you an idea of where I am in life )

So my ex and I had been dating 3 years when I decided to change schools and move out of town for univerisity. My ex was never in to school and worked full time. We had issues about me moving away, yet in the end.. exepted my choice and came to see me regularly. I guess, my being busy and all, I didn't realize how he could be worried, worried that I would meet someone else. We had numerous fights over his ''jealousy'' and well we ended up braking up.

A whole summer went by, and he begged me to take him back.. that he had changed... We got back together.. and well three months later the jealousy came back full throttle... Being busy and all with school and work.. I never really gave him a chance and always thought it was easier to dismiss the problem rather than.. deal with it..
We dated on and off for a year when finally he asked me to stop calling him.. this back and forth dating... was really eating him up.. he couldn't take it anymore.. and well I guess I never really gave him a chance...

Soon after both he and I found new people and well have spoken once or twice since..
To this day... he doesn't want to speak to me.. he has wrote me several emails.. telling me he has moved on.. tells me how well his life is going... he is in love with his new girlfriend.. yet I am the only accomplishement he will never have... he tells me to move on...
Here we are 4 years later.. and like I said.. I still dream about him... about us getting back together.. even if.. I am in a happy relationship with my current boyfriend.

[momincali]

What kind of doubts do you have in your current relationship? Sometimes, without conscienciously thinking about it, we start to wonder how things would be if we had stuck it out... just a thought.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I don't think the dreams are a premonition of what is to be although a part of me sometimes would like to think like that (depending on what the dream is about). Not that you have so far indicated that this is what you were reading into it. I think that as momincali points out, it could be that you are unconsciously (maybe) doubting your current relationship or perhaps just wondering - the classic 'what if' syndrome. Again, this is only a possibility and not necessarily a fact.

[littleone01]

Momincali and Geoffersonairplane...
I appreciate the comments...
Ive often asked myself what would have happened if we had stuck it out... my answer would be.. we would probably be married :) but...
The reason why I asking all of these questions is that.. I need to find an answer.. I know our relationship is over and that he will always be the love of my life and no one will be able to replace what we had... I need to find a solution to why.. I still dream about him.. and why do I on everyday outings.. hope to run in to him.. or when I see someone that may look like him.. I think its him.. and why is it that when I hear the song LIPS OF AN ANGEL by Hinder.. I think of him...
I know he feels the same way.. he once told me.. he found it hard.. to sleep next to his girlfriend and dream of me too!!
I want to know how do we overcome this.. and how can I be in a healthy relationship when Im having these feelings..?

[talaniman]

After reading your other post I would say you are in a relationship you are not happy with.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I agree with tal, you definitely sound as if you are unhappy in some way with the current relationship. This may be why the thoughts of the ex are now taking control of your everyday thoughts.