[NickK]

Hello, I have been separated from my wife since Nov. 15th, 2005. I recently had custody of my daughter from May 25th to October 6, 2006. My daughter will not talk to me on the phone for more than 2 minutes (except on rare occasions) and it is really starting to get to me. I spent 10 days with her during the holidays and we had a lot of fun. I know she loves me. Recently, her mother's boyfriend moved in (the same guy she was cheating on me with). Tonight I talked to my daughter for a few minutes at her daycare and asked if she loved mommy and daddy. She used to say that every time I talked to her. Then she said she loved Mr. Mr. is the name her mother gave her boyfriend when she was cheating on me... so my daughter wouldn't spill the beans on her. That has made me really mad. I don't know if there are any suggestions somebody might have or explanations of why a child might not like talking on the phone. My thought is that I am going to hospitalize the guy when I see him. That should do it!

I live in another Country or I would be able to spend more time with my daughter. Now I have to wait until at least May before I can see her again. I would get the summer months with her but I will be in a school and not be able to be with her this summer. I don't know if this information is helpful but oh well.

[ashleysb]

I honestly would not take it as the other is taking man your place. A four year old has a very short attention span, especially on the phone. She can't even begin to understand that when she only talks to you for a few minutes it hurts your feelings. Just cherish the few minutes that your little one does give you now and remember she is growing and learning everyday and soon she will begin to understand that these phone conversations are important for both of you. As for now, I would suggest on the phone, allowing her to talk about what she wants to so the conversation may last longer, or keep talking about things you know she is very into at the moment. Between phone calls, try sending her postcards, or pictures of the two of you, or even simple letters. Children always feel special when they receive any kind of mail.
Also, don't be angry that your daughter admits to loving the other man. Yes, what your wife did was wrong, but you should be proud that you are helping raise a child who can love. As long as your daughter knows that you care about her, she will never replace you with anyone. It may be hard to admit but its better that she is living with a man she loves rather than one she despises or makes her miserable. So keep your chin up and be grateful for the time your daughter gives to you and remember that you will be with her again soon.

[Fr_Chuck]

My son is 6 now, but when my child was 4 and I was just out of town, he often would not even talk to me at all. And if he did, 3 minutes would be the max you can ever expect.

[J_9]

Please do not take it personally. Children of this age cannot associate the fact that there is a face on the other end of the phone. My 4 year old, if he gets on the phone with Gramma, will say hi, listen for a minute and then say "bye" and hand me the phone.

Just understand that they really do not fully grasp the concept of how telephones work. It has nothing to do with you personally.

[iminlove]

Ask for you ex's help, do you think she encourages her enough?
My daughter would not talk to daddy either... she was angry and frustrated that
She couldn't see him more often. We live 1000 miles away.
What we did that helped for 6 months was set up a webcam and when he called we put the phone on speaker and she could see him at the same time as hearing him.
This helped greatly for awhile. But her father was not consistent in his times and days of calling so she is not talking to him again.
Be patient and don't blame the other man, yet.
Try to discuss this with the ex and encourage her to help.
Does your daughter have constant reminders in her bedroom of you?
Send framed pics, cards, etc
I hope some of this helps
And good luck!

[Matt3046]

Just don't do anything to get yourself in to trouble, even if he deserves a beating.
Unfortunately the law does not take into account what people deserve. But seriously, sometimes my 4 yr old just says "I love you daddy" and hangs up. Don't stress on it just make sure you spend any time with her.

[vlee]

Please also remember that no matter who your ex is with or how great your daughter thinks he is, she knows you are her dad, and her love for you will not decrease just because there is another adult male figure in her life. I have been remarried for three years. My daughter now refers to both her dad and her step-dad as "daddy". (She is 7.) I did not ask her to or demand that she call my husband dad, she just began to do it after our son was born. She still knows who her real dad is, and loves him very much. While she and my husband are very close and love one another, he will never be a replacement for her father, and I am happy she can have them both. There can never be too many people who love a child, or too many people a child can count on. Her father is in a serious relationship and has had another child since our divorce. I do all that I can to allow my daughter to build a loving relationship with her dad's girlfriend, even though it isn't easy when the shoe is on the other foot. You just have to do what is best for your daughter, despite how difficult it may be. I think the best thing you can do is accept this guy as apart of her life, allow her to have a relationship with him, and enjoy your relationship with her. Don't be upset over the phone calls, it has nothing to do with him. It's just part of being 4. My daughter still isn't very easy to talk to on the telephone. At 4 she said hi and bye. It isn't a lack of love or interest in you, it's a lack of understanding how to communicate with someone you cannot see. When she sees you again, you'll know how much she loves you.

[Matt3046]

Yeah 14 years is along time, and if you can work it out do it.
(trust me) my poor kid is totally getting tramatized by all the stuff going on around her (her mother will not shield her from it, and intentionaly uses her (to convey messages))