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Neodolinda · May 4, 2011, 06:31 AM

Dear All.
I don't know what to do, what's happening with me. I am 19, now having my Mature exam in IT and English. I am studying all day, without fun, I do nothing just studying. My boyfriend lives far, in India (I am in Hungary). He is trying to get a job in Europe, but nothing happens...
I am so sad, and bored. I feel sick because of studying too much. I want to have fun, but there is nobody I could go out. Just my boyfriend, but he is not here.
Every night when we are talking on skype he is not understanding my point, that I am tired, feel sick when I watch the screen (cuz all day Im watching it, because of IT). He has everyday new-and -new ideas about jobs, but NEVER HAPPENS anything...
What should I do? What is this? Why I feel this bad?
*** tell me your ideas!
Thx a lot: Neodo

samuelspeak · May 4, 2011, 06:45 AM

I think you should take it easy and try to relax. Long distance can be stressful and on top of that exams is taking a toll. Maybe you should give your BF time to focus on what he's trying to achieve and you should also discuss with him what you are going through. A mutual understanding should help work things out better. Good luck.

amicon · May 4, 2011, 06:59 AM

Can I ask if this is an on-line relationship,or have you met in real life?

Neodolinda · May 4, 2011, 07:09 AM

Thanks a lot for answering me!
No, I have already met him, he spent here 3 months with us. My whole family loves him a lot, and his family loves me too. I don't want to leave him, but I am behaving so strangly with everybody, but mostly with him.
One day I am very nice, next day I am hurting him.
Why these things happening to me? And why I can't stop them?

amicon · May 4, 2011, 07:18 AM

Can you speak with a school nurse,doctor or counselor?

It could be that you are suffering from mild depression.

Have that checked out,school,stress etc can bring this on.

Neodolinda · May 4, 2011, 09:50 AM

You really think this is so serious... a kind of illness?
Just, everything was so beautiful with him, but as he went back to India, and we can't see a way to be together I became mad, and he is rude. He doesn't show the feelings, but I know even he is suffering. But he just apply for jobs all day, he doesn't keep any contact with others there (just online with me).
I miss him so badly, everyday I am crying for him, I remember back those beautiful days,. but its so hard because I can see that nothing is happening. He won't come back, because he cant!!
And there are the exams. As I am sad, sitting at home, I am studying all day, don't have any fun. The biggest fun for me is that I can spend time with my rabbits. Is this normal? I see others going out, having fun, being with their sweethearts. They are calling me too, but alone, without my love I don't want to go :(
Ahh... please some advice... go and see doctor? Really?

southamerica · May 4, 2011, 10:14 AM

Seeing a counselor is advisable, but you really seem over-stressed and you're not giving yourself enough leisure. Maybe you should take your friend's offers to go out once in a while. It's nice to unwind after so much school and studying.

Long distance is hard. Do you and your boyfriend have a long term plan? He's looking for a job near you, so does that mean your end goal is to be together physically? You need to come up with goals together and make it happen. If you're in school, it might not be something the two of you can do until you graduate. Whatever the case, there needs to be some sort of plan. Otherwise you'll be stuck in limbo, both of you.

How old are you? How long have you been together?

Neodolinda · May 4, 2011, 10:26 AM

Dear southamerica!
We have plans, I want to marry him, and in fact that seems to be the only solution for the problems, but I can't get married before finishing the school. I am 19, have 1 more year for the matural exams (just now I'm doing 2) and after this school I should study more (thats 5 more years.). We are together for a year, and to be honest we spent together only 3 months. Ha-ha... strange. But I really love him, because before him I had so many *******s, who were cheating me in every way, so I am so happy that I could find the best guy for me. But again I can't be happy. All might be seriously, the problem is in me.
Its strange. Seriously, 1 day I am so happy, the other day I am so so so down and sad. (today is this day). Tomorrow I am having that English exam.
Ohh, in fact I showed my BF this page, what I posed here, as I wanted him to know my feelings, but his reply was only: "You are sharing our privat life!"... And he didn't care of helping me. He blames me for everything, He thinks I am overreact these things, and in fact I am totally allright, just I like creating problems... (thats his opinion, instead of seriously helping to me :( )
And I can't make him understand this, as he is understress too... but its easier... if he acts that he doesn't know anything...

southamerica · May 4, 2011, 10:33 AM

Well how long has he been looking for a job?

It is quite possible that you overreact a little bit, and "create" problems where no problems exist. That doesn't change the fact that he needs to be able to communicate with you and help you understand that he's in this as well. You need to understand that not everything he says is an accusation or attack against you.

With him being more communicative and open to your concerns, and you being less defensive-you might be able to ease both of your stresses regarding the relationship. Also it's important to remember that you're both under stress right now and try not to take it out on the relationship. It's already delicate enough being long distance.