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weadude · May 3, 2011, 03:41 PM

Ok, so I'm in my junior year of college, and this past January, we started the Spring Term. There's a girl in one of my classes that I really like, and we hit it off from the start. We were friends for a long time, and then I noticed that we really were starting to like each other, and I was so happy. I really wanted to start looking for more with her, and we have this sort of connection between us, and she's really special.

Half way through February, I brought up the relationship topic, and what I got was "I'm don't want a relationship right now". I can tell she really likes me- we talk in person all the time, whenever we get the chance, and we text all the time as well. I've been really patient with this girl now, and I know I still want to be with her, but I can't help but get the feeling that nothing is ever going to happen between us, and I won't end up with her because I won't be patient enough, and some other undeserving guy will.

I took a full 24 hour break from talking to her, and this really upset her- I did it because I really wanted a straight answer from her with what she wanted, and she said she had feelings for me and that she also liked me. She had already told me this in the past, but I'm confused sometimes because she says she has feelings for me, and then she says she has some sort of feelings for me, when I have been honest about how I felt about her the whole time, and haven't gone back on my words once.

I really want to give this girl a chance to realize she wants to be with me, and I don't want to rush things, but at the same time, I don't want to feel like I'm just being taken along for the ride and that she is somehow being manipulative when she says one thing and acts a completely different way. I really don't know what else to do, but I don't want to give up on this girl either. If someone, anyone, could help me out with this problem I'm having, I would really appreciate it because I'm running out of options. Thanks in advance.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2011, 03:48 PM

What is the hurry with teens these days?? Everyone has to be in a relationship.

Take her out on dates, get to know her, and do not mention the word "relationship" -- only if you want to strike out. Have fun with her and let her get to know what a wonderful guy you are.

weadude · May 3, 2011, 04:02 PM

Thanks for the answer. I have been spending a lot of time with this girl, but it's only been inside school, and a couple of times at her place. Other than that, I get to spend time with her walking her a couple of blocks to where she gets her bus home. I think she might equate me taking her out to eat or a movie with being in a relationship, but I'm not sure. I don't know what else to do about that.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2011, 04:25 PM

What is your definition of "relationship"?

Homegirl 50 · May 3, 2011, 05:09 PM

Sounds like she does not mind going out with and talking to you but she does not want a girl friend boy friend relationship.
If you want more, you two are not on the same page.
Just be friends with her. What more do you want?

weadude · May 3, 2011, 06:32 PM

I mean relationship, as in BF and GF.

weadude · May 3, 2011, 06:35 PM

The way she acts around me shows that differently, I don't want to be dragged around and led to believe something that isn't true

Wondergirl · May 3, 2011, 06:45 PM

weadude's Comment: The way she acts around me shows that differently, i don't want to be dragged around and led to believe something that isn't true

But that's how you learn about people and being friends and having relationships. If you don't get dragged around at least once and for a while believe something that isn't true, you won't learn anything and won't be living an authentic life.

Homegirl 50 · May 4, 2011, 06:09 AM

She already told you what she wants and if you don't like this then tell her so and leave her alone.
If you are being dragged around you are letting it happen.

Cat1864 · May 4, 2011, 06:40 AM

When did you meet her? In January or before? Quite frankly, it doesn't sound like you have known her for very long, perhaps a few months. It sounds like you are caught up in what you want.

So, you don't want to go out on dates with her unless she is willing to make it an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? Isn't that putting the cart before the horse?

You know her as a friend and companion when she is probably relaxed and having fun with you. You don't know how she acts or reacts in a 'romantic' situation. Try asking her out for a couple of dates with no expectations of a serious relationship. Find out if you are compatible on dates before thinking about making it 'official'.

If there is the possibility of a relationship, let it grow naturally. Trying to speed it up will only end up in frustration, hurt and pain.

talaniman · May 4, 2011, 09:08 AM

Back up guy, you are trying so hard to get what you want, that you are not paying attention, nor care what she wants, and she has told you she doesn't want a relationship. I mean did you ignore that, and think she was going to change her mind by you giving her more attention? That never works, and ignoring her for a whole 24 hours is a really dumb joke.

Forget the making her your girlfriend, as the way you are doing it ain't going to work no way, and stop making her the focus, and get something going besides giving her attention, that you enjoy. That doesn't mean not be friendly, but less time on getting something from her, and more time with quality sharing. That means back up and balance your own life, and time with other things besides her, because you are way to caught up in what you want to even see what's going on.

You want a girlfriend, she wants a friend, and you cannot make her want what you want, and are very foolish to think you can. Now back up and take a long break from this idea, and do something to bring some balance back into your life. Its not just about you being hung up on what you want. You have to recognize you have to adjust and accept, she doesn't want the same thing, and change your actions in this area.

You are obsessed.

mmresd · May 5, 2011, 12:15 PM

If you want to be with her you are going the wrong way about it. For starters she has clearly stated that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Second, you are being way too pushy about this to the point that you are probably seeming so desperate that no girl would want to be with you. Third, stop obsessing over her, she might be perfect, but your drool is definitely not attracting her to you at all.

So, stop your desperate actions now if you want any hope of ever getting her to look at you, if you don't you will only push her further away.

Good luck,
Javi

weadude · May 6, 2011, 12:18 PM

I would like to go out on dates with her, she's just hesitant, and always says no because she equates going to a movie or going to eat somewhere with being in a relationship. We go to school in the same city together, and she only lives about 30 minutes outside the city and takes two buses in, but won't even visit me in the city and we only see each other in school. I've gone and seen her about 4 times all together.

Homegirl 50 · May 7, 2011, 11:41 AM

Then you need to stop. You are putting yourself through all of this.
Leave her alone.