[elle13ad4u]

My husband and I have been married for two years, we just had a baby, but for the past two years of being together, I haven't been really happy with him. He's in the military and he's always busy with so many things, but he never makes time for me. Our communication is bad, every time we talk, we end up getting mad over it. He has a rountine that is bothering me, he comes home from work, eat and plays game all day until I come home from work. Every time I ask him to get off the computer, he gets mad. He tells me all the time that I make up excuses for all the things I got to do. For example when I was sick with a fever, and asked him to watch our son, he said it was an excuse for being lazy. I'm so fed up with him, and sometimes I just want to leave him, but a part of me loves him and stays because I think there's hope that he'll change and be a better husband to me. He's totally good with our son, but when it comes to me, he tells me I'm annoying. We hardly talk, he doesn't have any hobbies besides playing games on the computer. He chooses that game over me so many times, he's lied to me and hid things from me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm trap or something, every time I try to talk to him about what's going on, he gets mad and curses me out. He's abuse me verbally and emotionally. He tries to make me feel like the bad one, and he tells me I abuse him physically. Now all those time I threw a fist or slapped him was for a good reason. He would always do things that really irratates me and every time I say stop it, he would just keep on doing it. Like when we were driving, and I was mad at him for saying dumb things to me, so I kept silence, and he kept bugging me, trying to stick his fingers in my ears while I was driving, so I blocked it with my arm and it hit him, he got so mad and said, "you watch hunnie, someday when i can't take it no more, your gonna get it, I'm gonna hit you back one of these days." I took that ad a threat and explained to him that I was blocking it, and he leaned forward so I guess I hit him acidentally. He still was mad. He would pull off moves from UFC and try it out of me, like sometimes he would head lock me to the point of me choking and crying. It's not fun when it happens, and after that I get so mad, because when I tell him to stop, he just keeps doing what he's doing. He's like a stubborn kid, nothing gets in his head, and I think there's really nothing in his head. When I was pregnant, he treated me really bad. I was four months and we were shopping at wal-mart, my body was changing to adjust for the baby, and just because I was walking so slow, he said to me, "hurry the up, why the do you walk like you just got in the !" It hurts me so much to think about it, but what should I do now? Should I stay or go?

[jteller]

My husband and I have been married for two years, we just had a baby, but for the past two years of being together, I haven't been really happy with him. He's in the military and he's always busy with so many things, but he never makes time for me. Our communication is bad, everytime we talk, we end up getting mad over it. He has a rountine that is bothering me, he comes home from work, eat and plays game all day until I come home from work. Everytime I ask him to get off the computer, he gets mad. He tells me all the time that I make up excuses for all the things I got to do. For example when I was sick with a fever, and asked him to watch our son, he said it was an excuse for being lazy. I'm so fed up with him, and sometimes I just want to leave him, but a part of me loves him and stays because I think there's hope that he'll change and be a better husband to me. He's totally good with our son, but when it comes to me, he tells me I'm annoying. We hardly talk, he doesn't have any hobbies besides playing games on the computer. He chooses that game over me so many times, he's lied to me and hid things from me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm trap or something, everytime I try to talk to him about what's going on, he gets mad and curses me out. He's abuse me verbally and emotionally. He trys to make me feel like the bad one, and he tells me I abuse him physically. Now all those time I threw a fist or slapped him was for a good reason. He would always do things that really irratates me and everytime I say stop it, he would just keep on doing it. Like when we were driving, and I was mad at him for saying dumb things to me, so I kept silence, and he kept bugging me, trying to stick his fingers in my ears while I was driving, so I blocked it with my arm and it hit him, he got so mad and said, "you watch hunnie, someday when i can't take it no more, your gonna get it, I'm gonna hit you back one of these days." I took that ad a threat and explained to him that i was blocking it, and he leaned forward so i guess i hit him acidentally. he still was mad. He would pull off moves from UFC and try it out of me, like sometimes he would head lock me to the point of me choking and crying. It's not fun when it happens, and after that I get so mad, because when I tell him to stop, he just keeps doing what he's doing. He's like a stubborn kid, nothing gets in his head, and I think there's really nothing in his head. When I was pregnant, he treated me really bad. I was four months and we were shopping at wal-mart, my body was changing to adjust for the baby, and just because i was walking so slow, he said to me, "hurry the up, why the do you walk like you just got in the !" It hurts me so much to think about it, but what should i do now? Should i stay or go?

Well you truly are the only one who can answer the question of whether to stay or go. However what I have always done in my relationship is ask myself can I see myself putting up with this for 10, 20,. years from now? My husband and I have gone through some rough spots but never abusive. No one should stand for it. It sounds to me like you both have some issues. He has some verbal/enotional abuse issues and you some physical abuse issues. Especially with a new baby, keep in mind that if you hit him even if he was tormenting you it is illegal and you don't want to lose that baby. Ask yourself, is it worth it? He also sounds a little immature? How old is he? My husband didn't "grow up" in our relationship until he was about 30. Has he always been this way or just since the baby? Maybe he is looking for that extra attention that he lost after the baby was born. Not to say that, that would make the abuse all right. I suggest you seek marriage counseling. Often local churches will offer it for free. If he is resistant it may be an indicator of how much the marrige means to him. I am sure he knows there are problems and probably has similar feelings of unhappiness. Good luck to you.

[mackstar101]

My husband and I have been married for two years, we just had a baby, but for the past two years of being together, I haven't been really happy with him. He's in the military and he's always busy with so many things, but he never makes time for me. Our communication is bad, everytime we talk, we end up getting mad over it. He has a rountine that is bothering me, he comes home from work, eat and plays game all day until I come home from work. Everytime I ask him to get off the computer, he gets mad. He tells me all the time that I make up excuses for all the things I got to do. For example when I was sick with a fever, and asked him to watch our son, he said it was an excuse for being lazy. I'm so fed up with him, and sometimes I just want to leave him, but a part of me loves him and stays because I think there's hope that he'll change and be a better husband to me. He's totally good with our son, but when it comes to me, he tells me I'm annoying. We hardly talk, he doesn't have any hobbies besides playing games on the computer. He chooses that game over me so many times, he's lied to me and hid things from me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm trap or something, everytime I try to talk to him about what's going on, he gets mad and curses me out. He's abuse me verbally and emotionally. He trys to make me feel like the bad one, and he tells me I abuse him physically. Now all those time I threw a fist or slapped him was for a good reason. He would always do things that really irratates me and everytime I say stop it, he would just keep on doing it. Like when we were driving, and I was mad at him for saying dumb things to me, so I kept silence, and he kept bugging me, trying to stick his fingers in my ears while I was driving, so I blocked it with my arm and it hit him, he got so mad and said, "you watch hunnie, someday when i can't take it no more, your gonna get it, I'm gonna hit you back one of these days." I took that ad a threat and explained to him that i was blocking it, and he leaned forward so i guess i hit him acidentally. he still was mad. He would pull off moves from UFC and try it out of me, like sometimes he would head lock me to the point of me choking and crying. It's not fun when it happens, and after that I get so mad, because when I tell him to stop, he just keeps doing what he's doing. He's like a stubborn kid, nothing gets in his head, and I think there's really nothing in his head. When I was pregnant, he treated me really bad. I was four months and we were shopping at wal-mart, my body was changing to adjust for the baby, and just because i was walking so slow, he said to me, "hurry the up, why the do you walk like you just got in the !" It hurts me so much to think about it, but what should i do now? Should i stay or go?

May I ask if you are asian girl it sounds like it from your writing.. No one deserves to live in fear so if you have the means to leave go for it

[chippers]

I agree with mackstar. No one deserves to be hit out of anger. Not only are you involved but also your child. Physical, emotional , it doesn't matter. No one has the right to raise their hand in anger to another. If it were me, I'd separate from him. His anger and physical abuse could escalate with you and your child. Go to the family center on base and ask for help. See what they can do about housing and pay allotments. Then once you're safe, and settled, talk to hubby about counselling. Let him know you willo not live under the same roof with him until he sees a therapist. You need to be strong and firm.
Also, he has a lot of anger he needs to come to terms with. Until then you need to protect yoursself and your son.