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drummergirl6 · Apr 28, 2011, 11:59 AM

Ok so we are a gay couple, we been together nearly 2 years we have had our ups and downs like most. She only said the other day she wants a break, I asked why? She replied that she needs to sort her life out and get used to her new one. From that she was referring to her nan, her nan recently has a stroke and she lives with her grandparents and they are both pretty ill, she will now have to try and look after both. She said that her priority is them now and I completely understand that and I have offered to help but she says it will be hard to see each other now as her nan might not let me over as she is to proud and most likely won't want me to see her in a state. We do live far apart now I am back home from uni. Is she using her nan to try let me down lightly? I am still confused why I have to be pushed aside
Thanks

amicon · Apr 28, 2011, 12:32 PM

Committed couples sort out their problems together,so yes,this is a classic-'I want out' but I'm going to play it save-see it as a break up and act accordingly.

Sorry for your loss.

drummergirl6 · Apr 28, 2011, 12:38 PM

OK that hasn't really helped me I didn't understand any of the last part of your message

ken007nielsen · Apr 28, 2011, 01:16 PM

Your ex is letting you down easy, and is using this as an excuse. She does not want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

Amicon is saying: She's breaking up in a safe way (protecting herself).
So you should see this 'break' as an actual break-up and act accordingly - meaning go no contact with your ex and start living your own life.

I wish · Apr 28, 2011, 01:26 PM

Healthy couples draw strength from each other when trying to recover from pains. She has done the opposite, instead of leaning on you for strength, she has pushed you away.

Seems to me that her nan is her excuse to get out of the relationship.

Furthermore, asking for a break is another way of letting you down easy, especially if she hasn't given you any indication that she wants you back after the break.

Since you're the one who's confused, I suggest you ask her to clarify what she means by a break.

drummergirl6 · Apr 28, 2011, 01:29 PM

She just said she wants to be on her own to deal with her nan and the situation

I wish · Apr 28, 2011, 01:34 PM

That's not answering the question. The questions to her would be, "where does that leave us?" "Do you want me to wait for you?" "Are you coming back to me afterwards?"

Though I do propose these questions to ask her, unfortunately, regardless of what she answers, it seems more like she wants to move on with her life and she let you down easy, by shifting the excuse to her nan.

drummergirl6 · Apr 28, 2011, 01:51 PM

OK thank you

I asked her she said she didn't know and that she not using her nan as an excuse and that she feels like she has changed and don't know who she is or what she wants anymore... ( I know what it means, she don't want me)

Said she wanted to be on a break because she didn't want to end it and regret it and she wanted to think it through

talaniman · Apr 28, 2011, 05:15 PM

What a selfish thing to do to a partner you are supposed to love. In her confusion she wants you to leave her alone until she gets the clarity to let you know what SHE wants. Her life has changed, her feelings have changed, but she doesn't have the courage to be straight and honest, and share that confusion with you.

Did she say how long it would be before she is unconfused? NO! Of course she doesn't know. But is it fair to sit on the sidelines and wait? No it is NOT!

What if she decides to end this finally? Now what does a waiting partner do? Doesn't matter because you will be too devastated to know what to do yourself.

That's why you see this as a break up, mourn and heal, so you can deal with whatever she comes up with later with a clear and guiltless conscious. Let her do what she has to, while you build a life that makes you happy without her. This will give you both time for the emotional dust to settle. Especially for you who are being asked to sit in limbo until she gets her head together, with little assurance she will want you back.

That's why its important not to be treated like a broken old toy to be put away on a shelf while she does her own thing. That's just crazy, almost as crazy as being so stuck on someone that's clearly not as stuck on YOU!!

Please read my signature, twice if you have to!! You have been told this sort of thing before, so should be familiar with how break ups suck!!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...te-239284.html

kodgkffc · Apr 28, 2011, 05:23 PM

talaniman has a point.

drummergirl6 · Apr 28, 2011, 06:25 PM

Thank you, and your signature that topic was from long ago I was 17 a child and immature didn't know what I was doing. I am now 20 at university and haven't been doing to bad until this obviously. But thank you for your comments they have helped

mmresd · Apr 29, 2011, 02:14 PM

In my opinion, she is breaking up with you in a nice way. She probably still has some feelings for you and wouldn't want to lose everything, so letting you down easy is a way for her to not be committed to you (for whatever the reason may be) and to keep you around as a friend.

I wouldn't wait around, do your life elsewhere because as of now, she doesn't NOT want to be with you, and you should respect her decision. Live your live, and let her live hers.

Good luck,
Javi

Good luck,
Javi

talaniman · Apr 29, 2011, 09:31 PM

Break ups always suck, no matter how old you are, but I have found they clear the way for better times, when we are ready.