[HistorianChick]

Ok, guys... here's my situation.

We got married last year (yay, us!) and have a perfect marriage (in that it is imperfect, messy, full of love, sweet, ups and downs, best friendship, etc. etc.). But I'm a little bothered about the fact that my husband's boss (his ex) still calls him pet names and continues to keep their "closeness" alive.

It's little things that bother me: he has told me that he hates this certain pet name - she is the only one that calls him that. When I asked him why, he responds with, "Well, we have a history and she just does it." To which I respond, "But you're with me now, we're a family, she shouldn't cross that line."

I don't understand why it's OK... maybe I'm just being jealous? He doesn't see the problem with it - for him, she is his past. She is a closed chapter, one that he will never reopen. I totally trust him and know that I have nothing to fear. We're very strong in our relationship and faith; I know that she really is barking up the wrong tree.

But why does it bother me? The fact that she is his boss just... blah.

I'm being a jealous wife, aren't I?

I guess I'd just like to know how to handle the jealousy - that's my real question.

[adviceishere]

Handle it by looking at how pathetic she is that she is still TRYING to hold on to him! I mean, who does that? Except sad, pathetic people. Your better than that to let it bother you. I would be laughing at her!

[HistorianChick]

Lol! Well, thank you, adviceishere. I guess I never thought of it that way.

I've never been jealous in a relationship. Ever. I guess it's just a weird adjusting period, maybe?

Thanks for your fresh look on the situation!

[adviceishere]

Lol no probs and congratulations! Yay! :)

[friend4u178]

Hi J , long time :)

I'm assuming you have heard her call him by his pet name? If so she's just doing it to try to get under your skin , even though she's an Ex there's always going to be this competitive thing between you. Just ignore it and I'm sure over time she'll stop if she doesn't get a bite out of you.

On the other hand , if she just does it when your not around and he's telling you , tell him you don't want to know.

Glad to hear alls going well otherwise :)

M

[Alty]

Got to love these issues.

Here's the thing. She does it to get under your skin, and to boost her ego. Since he hasn't told her to stop, she can go home pretending that he still cares about her. Yes, she's deluded. No, he doesn't give a rats arse about her, but it boosts her fragile ego. If she were a more confident woman, she wouldn't need to do this.

Now, on to hubby. Sweetie, he's a guy. Love guys. Love them lots. But let's face it, guys don't know diddly about women. Your hubby doesn't see what she's doing, and doesn't want a confrontation. Guys pick their battles very carefully (for the most part) and battling over a nickname, when he doesn't care at all about the girl, is not worth his time. He can't understand that it bothers you, because in his mind it's a non issue.

You know me. If this was my hubby, I'd go up to his ex and very casually, and very innocently say "Why do you call my husband by this nickname? Do you honestly still think that you have a chance? OMG! You do, don't you? You poor dear, you're so deluded. I feel so bad for you!".

But then, I'm a b*tch too. ;)

[martinizing2]

Sweetie, he's a guy. Love guys. Love them lots. But let's face it, guys don't know diddly about women. Your hubby doesn't see what she's doing, and doesn't want a confrontation. Guys pick their battles very carefully (for the most part) and battling over a nickname, when he doesn't care at all about the girl, is not worth his time. He can't understand that it bothers you, because in his mind it's a non issue.

Alty nailed that one. Guys don't understand women.

Since she is his boss , if she called him a pet name at work
He could charge her with sexual harassment in the US.
And it would be inappropriate to do it on the job.
The way the laws here read is " If you feel it is sexual harassment
it is."
And the federal courts will prosecute .

How much revenge could you ask for?

If it were mentioned to her that a complaint
Filed could cost her her job , a fine , and jail time,
It could change her perspective.

[HistorianChick]

Thank you, all. I have a new perspective on this situation!

If you hadn't guessed, life to me is rosy glasses, I don't think that way - but I'm so thankful for the reality check I receive when I come here... helps me understand!

Alty, what can I say, girl. You rock. I wish I had your courage! :)

[Alty]

Thank you, all. I have a new perspective on this situation!

If you hadn't guessed, life to me is rosy glasses, I don't think that way - but I'm so thankful for the reality check I receive when I come here... helps me understand!

Alty, what can I say, girl. You rock. I wish I had your courage! :)

Aw sweetie, it isn't courage, it's just a generally snarky disposition. ;)

I wouldn't wish that on you. You keep your sweetness and keep those rosy glasses on. In order to become like me you have to be a bit mean, and that's just not who you are, which is why I adore you. :)

[martinizing2]

Alty,. mean? A definition of the term "mean" is needed. . I can't grasp Alty having much do do with "mean" as I understand it.

[joypulv]

I want to bend the gender here a bit. I'm a woman.
I worked for an ex boyfriend after marrying someone else. There was no pet name, and actually we fought a lot over how to run the business, but my husband didn't like me working there, period, especially since it was a home office with other people in and out only sporadically. I thought it might help that the ex lived there with his girlfriend who also had a home office, although not in it much, and that they eventually married...
Did I have a clue? No.