[aConfused1]

threads merged

After reading all of the posts on here, I guess I don't really need to ask anything.

I was going to wonder if... after my GF of 3 years broke up with me suddenly (and with almost ZERO explanation) if not calling would ruin my chances of 'keeping' her and make her think I didn't love her.

However, I gave her everything I had for 3 years and was extremely affectionate. I demonstrated my love for her in actions and words on a consistent basis. She had her mind made up before I got the news. She knows how I feel for her - and just how deeply. I sure do feel alone though. The world looks completely different to me now. Everyone (sadly... yes... family and friends included) seems like a stranger. I know I need time to heal. But at the moment I'm all f****d up and it seems like it'll never happen.

[I wish]

Any break up is going to be tough. Especially in the early days. Think about it this way. You're really hurt because you really cared about her. Wouldn't it be abnormal if you felt fine about the break up?

Give it time and it will get better. Keep yourself as distracted as possible. Do things that you love to do, such as hobbies, sports, seeing friends and family, etc.

[Nillalily]

Unfortunately, everyone gets their hearts broken, myself included (more than once). It truly sucks. The world will never look the same. But you will laugh again. You will have new friends. And you will love again. Absolutely nothing I or anyone else says right now will make you feel better. But you will in time. You sound like a great guy. Some girl out there will be lucky to have you.

[ken007nielsen]

No it doesent hurt your chances, she split for a reason give her time to be her.
But zero explanation and out of the blue, what is up with that? That's not useful in the long run and it's not a partner I would select for myself.

Remember this here right now, this is about you not her.
So take the advice given by the others and start the healing process.

[aConfused1]

I know... I know...
Keep distracted. Point here is... I don't want to do anything. Nothing sounds fun. My friends aren't fun. Drives aren't fun. I'm sure time is the key. I've had my heart broken before but it feels so different this time.

I appreciate your consideration though... and all the others.

[I wish]

Maybe it's time for something new. New friends. New hobbies. New interests. New fun.

[ken007nielsen]

You can try reading my questions when I first entered this site ( I feel like I need closure ) or something like that.

I still miss her, but it's nowhere the same as in the beginning.

[Nillalily]

You sound like you're not just down in the dumps, but really depressed. PLEASE don't be afraid to reach out for help. Sometimes being "distracted" isn't enough. Talking to someone, a real person, not a computer screen, is necessary. Some people prefer talking to a close friend and others prefer a stranger, like a paid counselor. Whichever you prefer, find someone. Please. It's worth a try.

[aConfused1]

Thanks Nillalily-
I'm going to call a qualified someone tomorrow.

[aConfused1]

Oh my LORD!! This is tough!

Even though it kills me, I've been doing pretty good with NC for almost a month now.
But over the last few days I have this MASSIVE - almost magnetic urge to call.
I just want to tell her that she's always got a friend. What's wrong with me?

I seem to be quite fragile as well. I almost totally broke down when the gas station attendant asked for my money. I look at my phone every ten minutes - I guess I'm hoping love/truth/happiness will call.

She's called twice during my NC and I (I know what you'll say) answered both times. Funny thing is, she's the one that broke up - she's the one that withdrew - she's the one that might as well have said "go away" - and both times I answered she whines because I haven't called or take to long to return her calls/texts.

Do I just re-read all the previous stories? Or are there any new ideas about how to cope with this?

The whole situation makes me feel like a 15 year old kid. However, I'm far from that.
This isn't getting any easier.

[Wondergirl]

Think about it -- why does she call you?

[aConfused1]

I have no idea. I mean - when she broke up she pretty much said "...I don't need you, don't want you, my love for you is now like the love for a brother, I don't miss it, don't have any problems 'not feeling it' anymore...".
Why DOES she call?

[Wondergirl]

By contacting you and getting you to answer/respond, she shows you she is in control, has all the power.

[ken007nielsen]

Everything you have of her. Get rid of it, and I do mean everything!

And also, don't answer your damn phone :), because we all know you do it because you still have hopes of her coming back to you and that all can be as it once was. BUT it's not going to be like that anymore and the sooner you accept the fact that it's over the sooner you will start to heal.

[BMI]

Re-read the part that states she does not need, want or love you anymore. Then ask yourself why you even care that someone who has informed you of the above is calling you.

[talaniman]

As long as you answer her calls you will be stuck and confused. When you get dumped, you bow out gracefully, and disappear from her life. By being unavailable, you avoid the torture of the dreaded "friend zone", or be used for an emotional tampon when she is bored.

[aConfused1]

So... how long should NC last?

I'm not comfortable with a concrete, knife slice "...see ya...".

[I wish]

Read the part entitled "Timeline": https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nc-510419.html

NC lasts as long as the person needs to recover.

[amicon]

By the time you've recovered,you'll probably find that staying NC forever is not a problem!