[omgitsshilpa]

my mom's friend's son had passed away in a car accident 3 years ago. I cried so much even though I barely remembered him. We grew up together but didn't talk after I moved away. The night before he died, I randomly started thinking about him again and how he was and stuff. I wanted to talk to him. I woke up the next morning and my dad was talking on the phone. When he told me that he had died, at first, it didn't really do anything to me. I was in shock. I didn't believe it, especially since I was thinking about him the night before. But when I walked out my house, I broke down and cried. That year, I went to visit his sister and his parents. His sister and me talked so much. She told me he was always thinking and talking about me. He was asking his mom how I was and stuff. Now, 3 years later, I can't go a day without thinking about him. Its like I'm in love with him. Even though I didn't know him, its like we have a connection. Why can't I stop thinking about him? It breaks my heart just thinking about him. Its so unfair what has happened to him! I'm not interested in any boys that come and talk to me now, even if they're perfect.

what should I do? And why is this happening to me?

[talaniman]

Your grief seems to have you stuck, almost like you blame yourself in some sort of weird way, and you haven't accepted this, or gotten closure from it. Have you talked to anyone about the way this is affecting you? You really should.

[JudyKayTee]

I think for whatever reason you are fixated on this person and his death. Maybe you think you could have changed something, there could have been a relationship, now it's too late. Maybe (as Talaniman said) you feel some sort of sense of guilt.

I was widowed. One of the things I learned in group (and a bereavement group may help you) is that "we" often grieve for other things with the death of a loved one as a catalyst. For example (and I have no idea if this is the case) "you" have a disappointment in life (career going no where, no meaningful relationship in sight, you are confused about your future). You become upset and grieve over the death (no matter how distant the person was) rather than the actual cause of your sadness because it's a more acceptable reason to grieve.

Do you know what I mean?

My personal experience was months after my husband died, we had a major power outage, I couldn't get the generator to fire, I was cold and frightened and alone - and I was sobbing on a friend who came to the house to help me, grieving my husband, when I realized I was upset about everything, not just the death of my husband. Hysterically sobbing over the generator would make no sense; sobbing over my husband's death was "acceptable."

I hope this makes sense to you because it's difficult to explain.

In any event 3 years is a long time to grieve. Perhaps it's time to consult with a professional. That's always a good idea when you feel like you are obsessing over anything, when you cannot get certain thoughts out of your mind, when an event begins to control your life.

[omgitsshilpa]

Thanks! I totally get what you mean. I have some things going on with my friends at the moment and I feel alone... and I have stress about collage and what might happen to my future... but thanks :)

[JudyKayTee]

I absolutely guarantee that everything that is going on in your life is being reflected by the sense of grief you feel.


Is there anything you can do to lessen the stress?