[chajl01]

Hi there,
I have a problem... I would appreciate advice. I recently found out my boyfriend watches porn, I asked him and he openly admit to it. I didn't see evidence of anything else. I trust him very much and realize young guys like porn. Even I have watched it from time to time. I feel sexy and I know he's into me, we do have sex and I never turn him down. My problem is, now every time I think he's alone on his computer I think he's watching porn. It bugs me but I don't know why. I'm not a jealous girl and I know he's into me. Why does it bug me even if he was honest about it and how can I stop it from bugging me. I know most guys do and it's not a big deal, as long as he comes home to me. He's going to do it anyway and I know it's not all the time. But how can I stop it from bugging me?

[Cat1864]

Due to posting restrictions on the Adult Sexuality Board, please give your age.

How young is 'young guys'?

[chajl01]

We are both 26

[450donn]

So you are with a porn addict? Like any other addiction, he needs to deal with it. Get professional help or get out of the relationship and move on.

[Cat1864]

Thank you for responding.

For most people who look at porn or any form of erotica, it is a form of entertainment and a tool. It doesn't mean that he is any less attracted to you than he was before you found out.

If you read romance novels or watch romantic movies, it is about the same thing. It is just more visually stimulating and usually is more action oriented where other types are plot or character driven.

Can you put into words what bothers you and why you can't stop thinking about it?

[CravenMorhead]

So you are with a porn addict? Like any other addiction, he needs to deal with it. Get professional help or get out of the relationship and move on.

I don't think he is porn addict. In fact quite the opposite. I think he enjoys it, but doesn't let it control his life. There is no signs really that there is an addiction. I am also not sold on porn addictions to begin with.

The think the problem here is the insecurities of the poster. Intellectually she knows that there is nothing wrong with porn and what he is doing. Emotionally she is a little confused by it. The feeling of, if he was so interested in me and desired me so then he would not be watching porn. It is that little voice in her head asking what they have that she doesn't.

It is a hard little voice to quieten. I am not sure how exactly to do it. Talk with him is a good start. If it is really concerning, figure out how much time he spends on this. Maybe it isn't as much as you thought. Maybe figure out what this little nagging feeling is and why you're getting it. Then you have something to work with.

Good luck and let us know how things turn out. :-)

[smoothy]

Older guys like to watch porn too. Its not just the younger ones.

Its not a problem unless it becomes a major portion of his life, any more than soap operas or chick flicks do for you.

Just remember it has nothing to do with you. Guys are hard wired to be visual. We like to see skin... women tend to prefer having their mind stimulated in a different manner. In the end its all still stimulation... and no different in the results. Just different in the source of stimulation.

[martinizing2]

Be happy he is honest with you.

Shows you he has nothing to hide.

99% or more, of men watch porn.
Don't let it get to you.

[JudyKayTee]

So you are with a porn addict? Like any other addiction, he needs to deal with it. Get professional help or get out of the relationship and move on.

I see no indication of a porn addiction. Not everyone who watches porn is an addict (from what I've read).

Professionals use the following as the criteria for porn addiction. What criteria are you using - or is your opinion based solely on religious teachings? (I note that any time anyone refers to porn you believe that porn is the cause of all problems in the relationship - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...l#post2783296; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...e-570234.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rt-568911.html)

"Pornography addiction is diagnosed when an individual engages in the overuse or abuse of pornography to the extent that they experience negative consequences. It is not formally written up as its' own separate disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. However, it may fall under impulse control disorder and it can be defined as a psychological addiction. Pornography addiction is marked by a dependence upon pornography characterized by compulsive reading of pornography, obsessive viewing or thinking about pornography and other sexual themes to the detriment of other areas of an individual's life.

Although not currently in the DSM IV, criteria has been outlined patterned after the DSM criteria for alcohol and substance abuse and dependence. This article cites Goodman (1990), who on web.md compared the DSM criteria, lists for various addictive disorders and derived these general characteristics:

Recurrent failure to resist impulses to engage in a specified behavior

Increasing sense of tension immediately prior to initiating the behavior

Pleasure or relief at the time of engaging in the behavior

At least five of the following:

Frequent preoccupation with the behavior or with activity that is preparatory to the behavior

Frequent engaging in the behavior to a greater extent or over a longer period than intended

Repeated efforts to reduce, control, or stop the behavior

A great deal of time spent in activities necessary for the behavior, engaging in the behavior, or recovering from its effects

Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations

Important social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced because of the behavior

Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior

Tolerance: need to increase the intensity or frequency of the behavior in order to achieve the desired effect, or diminished effect with continued behavior of the same intensity

Restlessness or irritability if unable to engage in the behavior

Some symptoms of the disturbance have persisted for at least one month, or have occurred repeatedly over a longer period of time."

Porn Addiction