[typos]

My ex dumped me in January. It was the third time he had, and we were able to be friends up until the end of February. We hooked up once on my birthday and I'd asked him before then, if things were going to change because of that and he said no. He specifically said "No, I don't want to be in a relationship." Fine then. That was all right with me. By March he's decided he loves me and won't leave me alone. I've told him I don't want to date anyone, I don't want to be with anyone and that includes him. But still, he texts, begs me to call him, and when I don't respond, he finds me on my Facebook. He created another Facebook after looking up an alternate email address of mine to tell me how much he misses me and how badly he wants to get back together. He emails me when he can't text me, he asks to see me, and he's started sending me things and threatening suicide, and told me he tried to kill himself about a week ago. I don't know what to do, or if there's someone I can call to get this to stop. It bothers me and not to mention scares me. I'm afraid to block his number on the off-chance he decides that he's got no other out and actually tries to do something to himself again and I don't want to be responsible for it.

[Just Looking]

I went through a similar experience so I know how you feel. Two years ago, my ex hounded me for weeks after we broke up and did eventually make an attempt on his life.

Don’t let him force you into a relationship you don’t want. You have good reasons to not be with him. He will have to work this out for himself. He is trying to manipulate you. I would cut off contact completely. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you are looking out for your best interests.

If you haven’t already done so, read all the stickies in this forum about No Contact. Tell him that you want to go No Contact and what it means – no calls, texts, emails, visits, etc. Then stick to it. If you have already done this, be firm and don’t communicate in any way with him. Every time you give in and talk to him, you just encourage further attempts on his part at communication. If he does follow through with his threats of suicide, it is not your fault. He is an adult and he is responsible for his actions. I did call his parents and best friend to let them know he needed help, but I stayed out of it beyond that.

Tell your friends and family what you are doing. If you feel threatened in any way, contact one of them. It is better to be safe than sorry. If you feel threatened that he might harm you, talk to the police and everyone in your daily life – friends, family, and co-workers. There are many ways you can protect yourself. We can provide some examples if you need them.

[typos]

That would be great thanks.

[Just Looking]

I've posted these suggestions before. They may not all apply to you, but use anything that can help and feels right for your situation. I don't know how threatened you feel, but I am responding to the word "obsession" and of course my own experiences.

Start by reading the stickies on No Contact. You need to protect yourself. You should think about the support you could get from family and friends. You don't have to do this by yourself. You know you don't want anything to do with him, and now it's a matter of protecting yourself. I just thought I'd share some things I did.

1. I lived in a gated community. Think about adding security alarms (inexpensive ones that you can put on your windows and door) to your place, but don't let that lull you into a false sense of security. You might even get a personal alarm to carry on yourself.
2. I had an escort to and from my car at work. It was one place he knew he could find me, and one day (prior to the order) he was waiting by my car.
3. Change your habits – for example, shop at different grocery stores, go to different restaurants, etc. You don't want to frequent places where he might look for you.
4. Be careful when you are driving. Watch your mirrors, keep your eyes open. If you see him following you, call 911, or head for the nearest police station or fire station. Be aware.
5. Get a restraining order if needed. I know I was hesitant to do this, so I had my attorney give him fair warning first. However, the order won't necessarily protect you.
6. Close any sites you have such as Facebook or MySpace, at least temporarily. I even changed all my passwords for e-mail, Photobucket, etc.
7. If he starts harassing you by phone or e-mail, either change the numbers and address or block him. Personally, I kept mine because I wanted to know what he was thinking. I never responded, though.
8. Tell everyone that you are single, and make sure those you trust know about his actions. Keep them informed of your whereabouts. Also, remember there is safety in numbers.
9. Listen to your gut and your head. If you feel in danger, you are in danger.


Some things to get back your peace of mind, and to start moving on for now:

1. If you have any second thoughts, read your thread over and remember how you are feeling. He will try to change your mind.
2. I spent a lot of time reading threads in here. It helped me to understand that others have been through this, gave me ideas of how to not only survive but also to actually become a better, smarter person, and it gave me many insights. It also helped me realize that I hadn't done anything wrong.
3. I read other websites and even a couple of books. Knowledge is power.
4. It will take time. You may even second guess yourself, but be patient. Stay away from him and allow yourself to heal. You will realize that you have strength and courage, and you will get through this and realize that you deserve better.
5. You might have a hard time eating and sleeping. You have to find a way to do both, as you need to keep yourself healthy. I tried to wear myself out with work and exercise. I'd still wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep. That's when I would read. I found that if I made lists of things I wanted to do, books I wanted to read, and ideas I wanted to remember, I would actually alleviate my stress. To me, it was all about making forward progress.

I hope this helped some. It's crazy that anyone has to go through this, but there is hope. I'm happier now than I have ever been. I hope the same for you.

[Gem_1995]

What do you mean tries to do something to himself again ?

[mmresd]

Remember if he does anything stupid to himself is only his fault, not yours. Live your life, he is grown enough to care for his. If he is THAT mentally weak then just look at it as Darwinism doing it's job.

If he tries to do something to you, don't hesitate in calling the authorities.

Good luck,
Javi

[chuff]

I'd call the cops and get the restraining order. If nothing else, it might be the slap to the face that you are serious that wakes him up from what he's doing.

[Fr_Chuck]

Stop ready any email from him

Block his telephone calls, most threats of self harm is just that, an attempt to control you. Once he knows it will work ( and it is, since you are still talking to him) he will keep using it

[hidden123]

This happened to me as well with my Ex Husband.. The best thing you can do for him and for you is to ignore him..

Good luck..

[talaniman]

All of the above.