Check out some similar questions!

jesssss · Apr 17, 2011, 01:48 PM

Recently, I have been having doubts about the issue of virginity with my boyfriend of 14 months. He originally (when we were friends) said he was not a virgin, and he had, had a threesome with two girls who I know by name from campus, though not enough to reference if it happened or not. He even gave the details of where, when, and how it happened. Once we started dating we talked and I told him I was uncomfortable with him having sex with two girls at once to when he lost his virginity, while I value it very much. He then told me that it was only one girl and she made all the advances and "was on top, so I didnt do anything. That doesn't count as loosing it". Which I said it does, so he said that it was only sex and that if it ever happened with us, it would be our first time 'making love'. I was still upset by this, and when he found out I was he changed his story again saying he was a virgin and made it up so his friends would not think he 'wimped out' of the girl going as far as to hand him a condom and asking for it. I honestly don't know what to believe, he has assured me many times that he was really a virgin and I, for the most part, believe him but I still have my doubts and I'm not sure what to do or say about it. He gets mad whenever I try to bring it up and ask the reason why he lied to me twice, not just his friends. Any ideas on what I should do?

amicon · Apr 17, 2011, 02:05 PM

Just me,but when people keep changing their stories,and are not adverse to lying, I tend to show them the door.

The past is the past,but a changing past's a bit hard to live with,don't you think?

jesssss · Apr 17, 2011, 02:11 PM

I agree and that's why the issue is still around, but should I just try and get him to tell me the truth (which he said he has multiple times, that I was his first), or just try to move on? I really don't want to leave him because of it, I do love him and besides this issue he is a great guy and loves me lot.

amicon · Apr 17, 2011, 02:19 PM

So far it seems he's not been willing to tell the truth;whatever the truth IS in this case-so do you think you'd be able to get the 'real' truth out of him?

The red flag here,to me,is that when you were friends,he told you one thing-I'm not saying that was the truth,though why lie to a friend?

Then as you become a couple ,he changes his story,so will you ever know the truth?

I have my doubts.

jesssss · Apr 17, 2011, 02:40 PM

I do as well, so I guess my options are: leave him, or forget about it and move on?
I just don't know if I could ever know the 'real' truth, but it is his past after all, should it even matter to me? Am I being unfair to continue to bother him about it, when it may just be none of my business anyway?

chuff · Apr 17, 2011, 08:24 PM

Keep bothering him and about it and he'll being dumping you, not the other way around. Is he lying to you... well probably. Is his what he did one time before you were around worth throwing 14 months away? I can't believe you waited over a year to create this problem for him.

jesssss · Apr 17, 2011, 08:38 PM

I didn't wait a year for this, its come up periodically since I had the feeling he was lying, changing his story and all. To answer you no its not, all I wanted was the truth. Though I've more or less come to the conclusion that its not my business, and I'm going to try to forget all about it..

Sumitkumar7266 · Apr 18, 2011, 12:01 AM

My point of view is somewhat different from others..
First question--Whether you have accepted him for what he is.He told you that he had sex with two gals.If you accepted it and came in the relationship with him,Then you should not ask anything about past or it should not bother you.First make your mind clear before starting any relationship and if you accept someone with his past then don't screw them with the bunch of questions.

Second question--Did u ever thought why he is changing his statements.. May be because you are uncomfortable with his past and he don't want to lose you.. May be he is scared and trying to convince you and want his love back..

Try to analyse the situation and then take any steps.. Breaking a relationship is very easy to say but it hurts a lot,if not you,then at least it will hurt him..

mmresd · Apr 20, 2011, 01:26 PM

Two things:

1) He is a liar.

2) Why in the world does it matter if he is a virgin or not? Is it because you are worried about STDs? Use a condom regardless...

Good luck,
Javi

southamerica · Apr 20, 2011, 01:35 PM

1) You knew his past before the relationship started, and you got into the relationship. If you were uncomfortable with him having had sex, then you SHOULDN'T have started a relationship. Plain and simple.

2) He is changing his story, which raises a lot of suspicions and I don't blame you for being suspicious. But I have to ask: Just how much have you brought it up this past year? Just how much has it been bothering you that he's had that threesome? Have you been so obsessive over this that he's been changing his story?

He either lied in the first place to brag,

Or he's lying now to ease your mind.

Either way--you don't like his past, and you don't like his lying. Obviously something isn't compatible now.

In the future you can take this as a lesson to stick to your standards before entering a relationship. Or let the past be the past and don't judge people based on it. We all deal with things differently. Be true to yourself.

@ ami
ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to amicon again.

I tried :)-I just wanted to say that you're right. His story keeps changing-I see a hint that the couple isn't very solid. But that's just me!

mystific · Apr 20, 2011, 07:43 PM

she made all the advances and "was on top, so I didnt do anything. That doesn't count as loosing it".

I don't think I've laughed quite as much as I did when I read that.. I think it even bought a tear to my eye. :)

Anyway... really simple for you, he isn't going to tell you the truth of his sexual past because a: you'll leave him or b: you'll give him grief.. and honestly from what I'm reading this isn't some long term relationship.. he just wants to get you in bed. So no he won't stick around because it just isn't worth this much effort with you nagging about his history.

However, if it is something that is going to last the distance, to be perfectly honest whether he is a virgin or not.. or how many women he's slept with really has nothing to do with you... it's how you read the situation and with what your comfortable in sharing. If you aren't comfortable with the idea he's had so many partners, then why the hell are you with him?

Do yourselves both a favour.. leave him alone. You want the happy ever after.. he's into having fun and doing whatever. Either join the bandwagon or jump off it.. it's your choice.