[whyme38]

I was reading one of the questions on hre from kyrptonitegal and I am having the same problem my fiancé won't have sex with me it's like pulling a tooth I have to beg him for sex when we first met we would have sex at least 4 or 5 times a day from sun up to sun down the only time we would take a break was to use the bathroom now I be lucky if I get it 1 a month I tell him how it makes me feel and I ask him all the time is he attracted to me and he tells me yes and that he loves me but when it comes down to us having sex he don't want to he would push my hands away when I try to touch him or move away and I ask him why does he do that if he say he loves me and you says he is sorry and that he will change then he would say well I am your man you are not suppose to ask me for it if you want it just take it but when I try I always get the same reaction from him I would love for him to make moves on me sometimes instead of me having to do it all the time I don't know what to do I don't know if I should stay with him or leave but I love him so much.

[bellabellai]

Well he might be feeling a little overwhelmed about getting married men do clam up try not asking him for sex talk to him cuddle and ask him what's wrong don't leave maybe there is someone else I am just saying. You have too have communication or that's it you might as well turn in the towel that's what happened to me if there is all of the sudden no communication well that's sweetie that's not good its best to know now. How long have you both known each other do you really know him well you need to find out now because you can not spend the rest of your married life like that you both will be misserable like I said it happened to me they say if you have to let them go if it does not work out if they love you they will come back mine did. Good luck I will pray for you both just hold on but don't sufficate him.

[jenniepepsi]

Ask him if he is wanting to wait until your married? A fast as it were. Some men are like that. And you guys really need to speak to each other. This will be good practice for the future to COMMUNICATE :)

Good luck

[tmtrotminor]

Stress is a big turn off for many people, so it's very possible that the wedding may be a stress-er, or something else going on could be the cause. I would make some time for him to be relaxed, turn the lights low, make him a bubble bath, rub his feet and/or back, and be flirtatious. What also might be helpful, is act like a different person in the bedroom, and/or wear sexy clothes. Be more aggressive, or hard to get, but still flirtatious.
Or, sometimes just laying down comfortably and talking will do it.
Another issue that may cause this is a lack of a healthy life style, whether he stopped exercising and eating right, or never did can play a huge part in impotence! It did with my husband! We both would eat junk food a lot and never exercise. Then we knew we needed to make a change for our health. Almost a month after healthy habits, our problems in that area were noticeably smaller. Not only did we feel better about the way we looked, but we had more energy!

Best of luck to you!

[JudyKayTee]

I wouldn't play games, flirting, wearing sexy clothes. I would TALK to him - as Jennie said.

Playing games is NOT a good way to start a marriage. If the games don't "work" the OP will feel worse about herself.

[CravenMorhead]

You need to talk to him and figure out why. Is it he is tired? Does his hours not line up with yours? Is he stressed out? New job? Stressful job? Almost done his education? What sort of chemicals is he on? Caffiene? Tobacco? Weed? Other narcotics? Is he feeling pressured? The more one begs for sex the more it seems like a chore.

Sit him down and talk with him. Once you have the reasons then you can take the steps required to fix it.

Let us know and good luck!

[janlestat]

I'm afraid I have to disagree about getting him to talk. Most men don't like to admit there is a problem in their performance involving sex. I have this problem and every time I try to talk to him he just acts like there is no problem. He isn't going to admit it and a lot of men won't. They just expect you to deal with it because you love them. We aren't like that, well, most women, we find talking about it helps because that's how you get answers. I have tried wearing something sexy and it does work but it isn't a game, we have always had a couple of drinks and listened to music and then I would put something sexy on. It doesn't always work but men don't like to be cornered by women, especially about sex. Maybe he is masterbating because that is the easy way out. There could be other problems which I have considered myself; his age, stress, other issues, and yet I still don't have an answer. I am still with him because as long as I love him I'm not going to leave him. We have a nice home together and he's a kind and decent man and I don't think I should leave him just because he's having problems sexually. Yes, it would be better if he would talk about it. It would save you from going through headtrips. My first thought when he didn't want to have sex was another woman but that isn't it. He truly loves me and tells me all the time. We just go to bed and have sex usually but we don't discuss it first, we just do it. He has a problem finishing, he gets soft after about fifteen minutes and so I miss out on the actual sex part. I'm frustrated but I don't know what to do. One thing I don't want to do, and neither should you, is make a rash decision like leaving him. If you truly love him you will stick by him and eventually he will discuss it but he can't feel pressured into it. Sometimes I want to just have an affair cause I miss the sex but I haven't so far because I love him and don't desire anyone else. That might change and then again, it could get better, its all up to you and how much you love him and what you can handle.

[CravenMorhead]

Right. You already had your answer before you came to us.

Love isn't all you need, John Lennon lied.

Every relationship is different. Sexual frustration on one side or another is usually a cancer on most relationships. You've already considered cheating. That is a sign of you checking out of the relationship. This is weighing heavily on your mind. This seemingly minor thing is going to be a thorn in your mind until a big blow out.

I am not advocating a rash decision. I want you to figure out what is going on and why. When men, I should know being one, are cornered with losing it all they will usually fess up to what is going on. If they just say okay than you know that it wasn't just you.

On that note, I don't really appreciate being painted as such closed off creatures. Embarrassment is a hard thing to deal with and you're not really helping the case. You need to get him to a doctor. Maybe you both should head to couples/sexual counselling. You're going to need one or the other. You can get this back on the rails.

Cheers,

[janlestat]

I didn't mean that all mean are closed off creatures. There are some men who are very open and honest with the way thy feel. Know where I can get one?

[CravenMorhead]

We are more common then you would believe...