[Wondergirl]

what about her commitment towards my friend?

She had no moral or legal right to be with your friend. She was wrong.

offcourse everybody has right to think about their own happiness.isn't it?

Now she is, trying to recapture happiness with her husband.

her husband lost his job and went backhome.

So he did not desert her. Did he send her money for support while he was gone?

he used to do so many things for her kids.

That was wonderful of him to help, but he used that debt against her.

you tell me how her husband can leave young wife and small kids alone in foreign country for such a long time??

You said he had no choice if he wanted a job. Why didn't the whole family move with him?

all this time where her husband was?

Wasn't he working in another country?

he is ready to marry her with her kids.

Why doesn't she divorce her husband and be with your friend?

[star2011]

She is afraid of society.thats why she cannt marry him.plus she loves her husband and kids.no he never sent money to her when he was away.he only used to care her through phone but my friend used to take care of her in reality.so who is more deserving??

[Wondergirl]

she is afraid of society.thats why she cannt marry him.plus she loves her husband and kids.no he never sent money to her when he was away.he only used to care her through phone but my friend used to take care of her in reality.so who is more deserving????

Her husband is more deserving simply because he is her husband.

I'm guessing your friend created a dependence on himself for her and used that to trap her in a sexual relationship.

[star2011]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.how can you say that? he trapped her in sexual relation? I don't understand your thinking.that means whatever he has done for her is not at all taken into consideration? he is telling he will marry her and accept her kids right away then how he is selfish and mean.it shows how much his love is true

[Wondergirl]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.how can you say that??he trapped her in sexual relation??i dont understand your thinking.that means whatever he has done for her is not at all taken into consideration??he is telling he will marry her and accept her kids right away then how he is selfish and mean.it shows how much his love is true

Everything he has done for her has created a dependence. When he finally asked her for sexual favors, she could not say no, because she owed him too much and could not pay him back in any other way.

He is your roommate? Are you and he friends with benefits?

[Alty]

OK.you are talking about her commitment towards her husband.but what about her commitment towards my friend?

There is no commitment to your friend. She wasn't free to offer a commitment and he knew it. That's what marriage is, a commitment. She was never married to your friend.

my friend supported her immotionaly,financially and he used to take care of her small small needs.even he used to do so many things for her kids.her husband was backhome foe almost one and half year.that time my stood behind her like husband.

He made a choice. The wrong choice. He chose to get involved with a married women. He chose to support her knowing full well that she's married. He chose to take on the role he did, know that she has a husband. He made all these choices, and they were the wrong ones. Whose fault is that? Only his.

now you tell me how her husband can leave young wife and small kids alone in foreign country for such a long time??

And even though the husband left and she was on her own with her 2 kids she didn't divorce him, and she still loved him. That should have been the first wakeup call to your friend.

he treat her as wife and gave her everything as one husband can give and done everything for her kids as one father can do?he used to take care of them more than anybody.all this time where her husband was?

Again, that was his choice. He had no right to treat her as his wife, because she's wife to someone else. If he chose to get that involved and now she wants nothing more from him, too bad, so sad. He made the choice, knowing she's married. She wasn't his to covet!

now he has come back here suddenely she realised her husband and family?that's why I am asking is it justice to my friend?

What sort of justice do you want? He lay in another mans bed, had sex with another mans wife, played father to another mans children. He never had the right to do that. When you break the rules, there is no justice. You suffer the consequences of your actions.

how you will feel if you are in his place?

I can't answer that. I would never be in his place. I am a married woman, and a moral person. I would never cheat on my husband, and I would never try to steal another woman's husband. I know right from wrong, so I'll never be in his position.

still you will say he is not decent and his love is not true

I have no doubt that he loves her. That's not the problem. The problem is that he has no right to love her. He has no right to have sex with her. He has no right to make a claim on her. She's another mans wife, and he broke into that marriage and tried to steal her. So you're right, I don't think he's a decent person and I never will.

Tell me, how would you feel if you were married and another man was having sex with your wife, trying to steal her away from you? Would that be okay with you?

[star2011]

No.offcourse I will not like if someone steals my wife from me.but why she made him involve this much?now she is happily living and my friend is struggling.thats fine.thanks for all your posts.better I will tell my friend to go back to our home country and start new life.

[Synnen]

If he LOVES her, he wants her to be happy. EVEN if that is NOT with him.

If he RESPECTS her, then he respects her choice to make her marriage work.

He has NO RIGHT to expect ANYTHING from her, because she was committed BEFORE he came into her life.

He should go see a counselor, because he is obsessive and dangerous.

[JudyKayTee]

This is not about friends. This is about OP.

Spidey senses tingling.

[star2011]

I don't know what you have understood fro this story?but whatever byou understood is wrong.he never asked any sexual favour from her.they came close and it happened in love.she is always telling that still she loves my friend.then where is the question of sexual favour comes?he never told if you cannot able to repay you have to sleep with me.I don't know what you are thinking?

[star2011]

I have not understood what you want to say

[star2011]

Both they were aware that she is married but still they came into this relation.then why my friend only has to bear punishment for this?is this a big crime?she is also involved in this relation.you cannot clap with only one hand.right? then why she has to escape just giving reason that she is married?where were her brain that time?why she gave my friend encouragement?now both have to face.why only a guy?

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know how to be any more clear.

You've gotten advice and comments. For whatever reason that's not good enough for you.

That's why I think YOU are the person you are posting about.

[star2011]

you all are getting him wrong.he never asked for any sexual favours from her or he never harassed her.infact he only loved her every time.we accept she is married and he has no right on her but then what right she has to spoil my friend's life? isn't it wrong? she cannot just escape saying she is married and she has to care for her husband and kids after taking everything from my friend when she was in need?now after one and half year her husband has come back and showing right on her.where was he when she was struggling here alone with kids?forget money.money comes and goes.but she was secure in my friend's arms when she was alone.otherwise you know all how this world is if they find a lady is alone.everybody is ready to take advantage of her just for use.but my friend did'nt use her.he is ready to marry her with kids.her husband is having more value just because they are married? tell me if one lady gives birth to a child and leave him roadside.another lady picks that child and grow him.who is having more right on that child?the one who gave birth and left child OR who took care of that child?I know marriage is more esteemed in the society in which we live but love and care is definitely more esteemed than that.she is loving both but just because of social barriers she is not marrying my friend.she has guilt for cheating my friend but she is saying she is helpless.in this she and her husband is not losing anything.after doing this much my friend is at a losing side.her husband got her and kids in proper condition because my friend stood behind her as angel.I have closely seen all this with my own eyes.she told me she loves my friend allot but she is very much afraid of her husband.she also having confused state of mind but she has chosen the way going towards her husband.its totally totally wrong for my friend.he is not asking that he has done allot for her so that she has to marry him but he cannot accept just because she is married she has to go to her husband leaving my friend alone to die

[star2011]

Hello.I am not that person.my friend is not in a state of mind to post and take advices.since the day one I am seeing this story closely.infact as a friend that time I told him the same thing and tried to stop him

[JudyKayTee]

Unless your friend is a complete dunce he got what he deserved. He had an AFFAIR with a married woman. What goes around comes around.

I don't see that she pulled a pistol on him so he made some bad decisions of his own free will.

I believe in karma.

[star2011]

If you believe in karma then you should know properly what is karma.karma means action,work.it dosenot mean that if you do bad things in your life then only bad things will come to you.then it should be vice versa.are you from india or hindu? then tell me when her husband left her alone for whichever reason is it right? who will leave young wife alone in foreign country for one and half year?for hungry foxes to keep bad eyes on her? that time my friend came into her life to make sure no fox should eat her.I have seen him the way he used to take care of her and kids.I really cannot explain that in words.one time was like she don't have money to feed her kids.he supporetd her.that time her husband was sleeping or what? she is working hard and sending him money.is this husband's duty?is this commitment in marriage? what is husband's commitment to wife that whatever happens he will take care of her wife and kids.not just to have sex with her bacause he is legaly married.I am really feel sorry for your thinking

[Synnen]

Oh for heaven's sake.

It does not MATTER how justified your friend feels. He's out of luck and should get counseling.

She is DONE with him. And what makes you think she isn't being punished in some way? She has to live with HER choices, too.

In the end, HER choice was to honor her commitment to her husband. If your friend TRULY loves her, he will understand why she is doing this, and respect her decision.

If he thinks that somehow she OWES him leaving her family and husband and running off with him---well, he's got some weird ideas on what love is.

If you cannot understand that she has made her choice, and her choice was just NOT what your friend wanted... well... I feel sorry for YOUR way of thinking.

She owes him NOTHING. If he wants her to be happy at this point, he will walk away.

[star2011]

Synnen.which husband you are talking about?if I am husband I will never leave my wife alone for such a long time in a foreign country.he left her alone and comes back and showing right on her.is this acceptable? is this his responsibility as husband?

[Alty]

synnen.which husband you are talking about?if i am husband i will never leave my wife alone for such a long time in a foreign country.he left her alone and comes back and showing right on her.is this acceptable??is this his responsibility as husband??

You don't get it.

It doesn't matter what her husband did. What matters is that she's chosen to honor her marriage vows and make her marriage work.

It doesn't matter if your friend acted like a husband while her husband was gone. That was his choice, and he made it knowing that she's married to another man. He doesn't get anything for being a sucker. He doesn't get a reward for sleeping with a married woman. He doesn't get a prize because he got what he wanted for 2 years and now it's over. It is what it is.

No, it's not right that her husband left her for 1 1/2 years. No, it's not right that she had to fend for herself. But, no one told your friend to step in and help. He did that because he wanted to. Now he thinks that she should leave her husband. Why? To pay him back? He got paid, in sex.

I find it funny that you said it's not about sex, but in one of your posts you mentioned that he's upset because they haven't had sex in 4 months, and they used to have sex weekly. Sounds to me that it is about sex.

So, ask your friend, how many more times would she have to have sex with him in order to pay off the debt he thinks she owes him?