[henderson0223]

My name is Satina Henderson and have I got a story for you! My brother-in-law once posted on FB, “Don't get excited when you see that light at the end of the tunnel…it might be an oncoming train.” Well, in the last 18 months that 'train' has hit us so many times it's mind-boggling! Truthfully, if I didn't experience these events first hand, I wouldn't believe a word of it. There is no easy way to detail the saga of the last year and a half, so I thought a timeline, of sorts, would be easiest. So below is the account of our 'Incredible Journey', so far…

09-08-2009 Our beautiful baby boy is born. We've tried for several years to start a family, with no success. Anyone who's ever been repeatedly unsuccessful in trying to have a baby will understand the emotional toll it takes on you. My monthly cycles were never regular, so there were months where I was absolutely certain I was pregnant. I would share my excitement with my husband and we both would start going through suitable (and sometimes not so suitable) baby names. We would discuss what colors and theme the nursery would be, and what sports and activities he/she would be involved in. We talked about the kind of parents we wanted to be… Old school & heavy handed? New age & free spirited? Natural & non-conformist? All we knew is that we would love our baby more than we could ever imagine loving anything else in this world. Then the fateful day would come (every time) when I would realize I wasn't pregnant. I would always cry and when I would tell my husband, through his sadness, he would reassure me that our time would come…one day. Our 7 year anniversary (02-23-02) was pivotal. Not because we were experiencing the 7 year itch, but because we decided that if we were not able to start our family by the end of this year we would be content to have our family consist of just Mr. and Mrs.….with no Mini-Me or Jr. to love and adore. We were at the point where we found our peace with it and accepted it. Then in June of that same year, the totally unexpected happened! We were presented with the amazing opportunity to adopt a newborn and, Hello? We jumped at the chance. We were able to meet the birth mom and on Sept. 9, 2009 we were in the delivery-room to welcome our precious baby boy into the world. My husband was even able to fulfill his first fatherly duty and cut the umbilical cord. That was a GOOD day!

10-2009 Due to unforeseen financial situations we found ourselves having to downsize. We lived in a roomy 3 bedroom/2 bath home, with a 2 car garage and a beautifully landscaped front yard and large backyard. We now were trying to squish all of our belongings into a small 2 bedroom apartment, no garage and a dirt filled backyard, complete with weeds. A little distressful, but all in all we were happy to have our little family and begin this new chapter of our life.

12-2009 We lived in Tulare (Central California) at the time and during December, my mom and dad came for an extended visit from Los Angeles. My dad returned home the following month due to a lingering cough. He thought he was getting the flu and wanted to be checked out by his doctor. My mother stayed behind and watched the baby while I went back to work.

01-2010 Instead of getting better, my dad seemed to be getting sicker and his doctor suggested he go in for a series of tests to determine the cause.

04-2010 I lost my job and filed for unemployment. My husband was making enough money to sustain our household so I decided to use this time to be home with my baby boy. Also, my dad's health seemed to be extremely unpredictable, so my mom used this time to return to LA to be with him.

05-2010 My husband lost his job and because he worked for a non-profit agency, he was not eligible for unemployment. While looking for permanent employment, he did various jobs to keep us afloat, but with jobs being so sporadic we were always behind.

05-2010 Later the same month my dad was diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer. The doctors stated that he didn't have much time left and indicated that family stay close by.

06-2010 My husband got hired with a company, based out of Southern California. They opened up an office in Northern California and that's where they wanted him. So, he packed a suitcase and we did the 'long distance' thing. It was so hard…my father was in the hospital in Los Angeles, my husband was working in San Ramon, and I was alone at home, in Tulare, with an infant.

07-27-2010 Between June and July I did lots of traveling to LA to visit my family and spend time with my dad. It was heartwarming to see him hold his grandson…his first grandchild. It was also heartbreaking to know that he would never see his grandson grow up and do all the things with him that a grandpa is supposed to do. I returned home to Central California on Sunday, July 25, 2009 and got a call from my brother at 9:00pm that following Tuesday, the 27th. He called to tell me that my dad had passed away. I was all alone at the time. I immediately called my husband who jumped in his truck and made the 3 hour drive home to be with me. That was the longest 3 hours of my life.

07-31-2010 My dad's funeral services are held in LA. My brother and I spoke, along with several other family members. The service was moving, poignant, and highlighted the best days of my dad's life. In acknowledgment of his veteran status, the VA played taps and presented my mom with a folded US flag, in my dad's honor. We had a slide show presentation with pictures from all different eras of his life, set very appropriately to Frank Sinatra's “My Way”. My dad was such a character…always the 'social butterfly', always ready with a funny story or unsolicited advice. One of his favorite lines was, 'Tell 'em Nick sent you!' I loved my dad…and I miss him every day.

08-01-2010 The evening of my dad's funeral service, we had to travel back to Tulare and finish packing; we were moving to the Bay Area the following day. My husband was told that his company was expecting lots of work there so we made the 3 hour trip and moved into an Extended Stay Hotel until we found a place to live. We ended up calling that hotel room 'home' for the next 3 months. While it was very nice and complete with a kitchenette, I began to feel as if there was no hope of getting out. We paid around $350.00 a week in rent, that in addition to the higher cost of food, gas, storage, and other necessities, all the money that my husband was bringing in seemed to go right out; we were unable to save enough money to put towards an apartment. Then my husband's company told us not to set roots in the Bay Area; they were closing down their office! There were relocating him to Southern California. OK, now we had to get a U-haul and all of our things out of storage and try and find a place down south. We were able to stay with friends in Bellflower (LA County) for $500.00 a month in rent, so once again we found ourselves 'on the road again'.

11-01-2010 We moved into a small 10x12 room in a friend's house. I did the calculations and thought we should be able to save money for our own place in about 3 months or so. I regained a little hope…although short-lived.

11-2010 My husband worked in construction and as is usual in this field, layoffs are common. So from Oct. through Dec. we experienced what it was like to survive on just my unemployment. As you've probably guessed, my husband got laid off. 70% of my unemployment was going towards rent, that didn't leave much to live on. We definitely learned how to make a dollar stretch during these months.

01-2011 In Jan. my husband finally got back to work and we felt like things were back on track. We obviously weren't able to save any money while he was out of work so we fell behind on our bills. We understood that Feb. was going to be our catch up month…our move out date seemed to be getting further and further away. But it did seem possible…things were starting to look brighter.

02-15-2011 Due to some ongoing health issues, my doctor suggested I have a D&C to determine what course of action to take. We went into it not thinking too much of it…normal and routine; that's what we thought. My doctor called me on Feb 15 and told me that the results of the D&C were not good. She diagnosed me with uterine cancer. I didn't know how to react. Once again, at the delivery of bad news, I was alone. As I sat there contemplating whether to call my husband and tell him, he called me. I couldn't hide the anxiousness in my voice and as I informed him of the doctor's findings, he began to sob on the phone. At my urging, he finished his work day and when he came home that evening we spent the time just holding each other, reassuring each other, and praying with each other. As we looked at one another and at our beautiful baby boy, we declared that this was not going to let this defeat us. We were going to fight our way through and come out on the other side…stronger! The doctor indicated that a full hysterectomy was needed to remove the cancer. We scheduled my appointment for March 17.

03-03-2011 The situation at the home where we were staying began feel strained and odd. We felt like something was brewing. Sure enough on Mar. 3rd, a week and a half before my surgery, we were asked to leave. They were having some family issues and needed our room to house other family members. We understood, but still…talk about kicking someone when they're down! Fortunately my brother, along with his wife and my mother lived in LA, about 30 minutes away.

03-15-2011 We moved into my brother's apartment; we would've stayed with him in the first place, but his apartment is only about 650 sq. ft. and there were already 3 adults living there ….but as the dice would have it we're staying now! Talk about a tight squeeze. It seems like every time we move, our living space gets smaller and smaller. The living room is now multi-functional. During the daytime it serves as an area where we watch TV and hang out; in the evening it transforms into a 'cozy' bedroom that sleeps 4. My mom sleeps on the couch, my son rests his little head down in his play yard, and my husband and I catch our z's on his and hers inflatable beds. My brother works through the nights and sleeps during the days. As you can imagine that doesn't work well with a toddler. He doesn't understand the concept of 'Hush, Uncle is sleeping', so needless to say, my brother is getting less sleep these days. My little one has also discovered his outside voice in the form of screaming. How do you stop a toddler from screaming? These are the days when we take long walks back and forth or drive aimlessly around until nap time.

03-17-2011 The day before my surgery I was overwhelmed with emotion. I didn't think it would affect me in such a profound way. I realized that they were going to remove parts of me... parts of me that were defective. I didn't know if I was going to experience menopausal symptoms and if so, how extreme would they be? I wasn't going to even be able to pick up my baby for 6-8 weeks. I wasn't going to be able to function normally for a while. It all just hit me at once. We went in on the 17th and everything went according to what the doctor's planned. They were able to remove all of the cancer and said that the chance of recurrence was very minimal. I still need to check in with him every three months for the next five years in order to be deemed 'cancer free'. Although sore and slower than normal…I am doing my best to get through each day. My hot flashes are minor; as are my mood swings (my husband strongly disagrees with the latter). As you can imagine, our living situation doesn't come easy after surgery. Not having our own space is incredibly hard and even harder is not having my own bed to recover in. But still, my brother and sister-in-law are doing their best to accommodate us.

03-25-2011 I was pouring rain this morning; there was a weekend storm that had not yet decided to leave Southern California. My husband left for work at 5:30am, his usual time. I received a call from him about 30 minutes later... it was, you guessed it; bad news. He was in the fast lane on the freeway and hit a puddle of water. He hydroplaned and hit the center divider. Then he spun around a few times across two lanes of traffic and ended up facing the wrong way; towards oncoming traffic. He was able to get his car to the shoulder and called for a tow. It was nothing short of a miracle that he did not get hit by another car or get injured!

I know…Wow! Huh? Is that some story or what? I know I could very easily lose my mind, and at times I've come very close (according to my husband), but I know that there has got to be something good to come out of all this mess. There has to be, otherwise the whole concept of 'hope' is pointless. That is why I'm writing this letter to you…with the hope that someone will hear our story and be able and willing to help us. Help us to get off this out of control roller coaster. Help us to pull ourselves out of this bottomless pit. Help us and say, “Don't worry, that light is the end of the tunnel and not another oncoming train”.

Who knows, maybe our story could be the next 'Lifetime' movie; a story of hope against all adversity. Or maybe one of those 'I'm glad that's not us' kind of movie, (the Griswold's come to mind). Any suggestions for a title? Maybe, “The Henderson's and their Unbelievable, Baffling, Crazy, and Mind-Blowing Journey? What about, “Misfortune and the Henderson's”? Maybe not.

Thanks for listening (reading).

Sincerely,
Satina Henderson