[firefly15]

I really hate my mum she always invades my privacy.I came home from school I know she has been in my room and gone through my things,I can tell things are not in the same place. Ive caught her going through my phone and I know she has been on my computer or tried to because she asked me what my password was. I just really hate it and don't understand why she does it. I don't really know what to say to her. Its just like a weekly thing I came home and notice she's been in there, I mean she must think I'm stupid why would I hide anything in my room when I know she goes through it, she must think I don't notice or maybe she doesn't care if I do know. Its confusing she never says anything to me.I asked my friends and boyfriend if there parents do it to them but they said they don't. Ok so I'm no angel child I have done some things I know she wouldn't approve of but she wouldn't know about it. Any thoughts?

[sharper11]

Parent have the right to know what is going on in their children's life. Have you given a reason for your mom to check up on you? What is your age? If you are in your mid-teens, your mom may be scared that you are getting into things (sex, drugs, etc.).

As far as confronting her... tread lightly. If you are doing nothing wrong, try to put her mind at ease by reassuring her you are a good kid (assuming you are).

And as for your friends, maybe their parents re just better at putting things back in order (like spies).

[firefly15]

That's funny (spies). Like I said I'm no angel but I don't think I've done anything for her to search my room every week I mean that's a bit extream isn't it? I just don't think its right for her to go through my things its my room, my things. Im 14 I'll be 15 soon I think maybe mum should have a bit of trust in me.

[sharper11]

My sister (and this was about 15 years ago) had a similar issue with my mom. My mom read through her diary, looked to see who she was calling, checked her room.. etc. My mom got into her head that my sister was at the age where "Bad" things happen (16), and decided she would see what she was up to. They had a lot of "screaming" matches. After a year or so, it stopped. --- on a good note, my mom found out that she was indeed having sex and hanging out with a bad crowd.. . my sister did end up pregnant and did not finish high school. - - In the end, it all worked out. My sister thanked my mom for trying to keep her safe, and my sister now has her diploma and 3 great kids. - - - it doesn't always go like that. It could have been MUCH worse. - - just realize that your mom obviously loves you, or she wouldn't care to check up on you.

[firefly15]

I don't see how my mum could think she could find anything out about me by going through my room, my phone or my computer.I would have to be stupid to hide anything from her in my own room. I don't understand if she wanted to know if I was having sex or doing drugs wouldn't it just be better just to ask me? I mean I don't know if I'd tell her the truth but I'd probably be more likely to if she just asked instead of going through my things

[sharper11]

I agree. Good communication makes relationships better (even with Parents). Maybe you and your mom should have a day together (shopping.. lunch.. etc.) and maybe bring the situation up (in a nice way).. and talk about it. Good luck

[firefly15]

Talk about it "Ha mum i know you have been going through my things" akward. I just don't understand how or why she does it, it just makes me so mad. So I'm suppose to just think OK she's doing it because she loves me.If I talk to her and try to reassure her I'm a good kid I doubt she'll believe me she must already not trust me to go through my personal things.

[Alty]

I have a feeling that mom knows that you're doing drugs and going out to party. You're putting yourself at risk and she's trying to make sure that you stay safe.

She has reasons not to trust you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/child-...ve-570281.html

[firefly15]

I don't see how she could know anything about what I do and I don't see how going through my things would make her think that either.I know that I do some things she wouldn't approve of but I don't see how her going through my things is going to prove anything.It just makes me angry if she wanted to know something why not just ask instead of this. By her doing this it just makes me not want to tell her anything

[Alty]

One thing you should keep in mind. Unless you pay rent, you have no rights to privacy. Your parents pay for the house you live in, the clothes you wear, the food you eat, and your education.

If your mother wants to go through a room in her home, she has every right to.

Obviously she doesn't trust you. Why, only she knows. The fact is, you've shown that you are indeed untrustworthy by doing ecstasy. She may not know you're doing it, but I'm sure she suspects something is going on, which is why she's looking through your things.

If you want her to stop, start gaining her trust. The first step would be to stop doing drugs.

[firefly15]

I don't see how that will make a difference when she doesn't even know about it anyway.My mum is just totally over reacting. I understand that she supports me and looks after me but it's a bit extream I mean every week going through my room I just hate going home now it doesn't even feel like its MY room. I don't think I'm untrustworthy I've never done anything she has asked me not to, I haven't lied to her and I don't see how not telling her everything I do is being untrustworthy

[southamerica]

Here's the thing firefly: you are so valuable to your mum. She cares about you or she wouldn't be snooping through your things. She knows you so well because she has spent your entire life making sure you are safe and sound. She can tell something has changed, and trust me when I say that a person using drugs does change in noticeable ways: physically and mentally.

Doing drugs only means one thing: you don't value yourself the way you should. You're throwing around your health and your body like it doesn't matter, but it does matter. It obviously matters to your mum, and it should matter to you too.

Talk to her, and be honest with her. You need help right now, and who better than the person who loves you the most?

[Alty]

I dont see how that will make a difference when she dosn't even know about it anyway.My mum is just totally over reacting. I understand that she supports me and looks after me but its a bit extream i mean every week going through my room i just hate going home now it dosnt even feel like its MY room. I dont think im untrustworthy ive never done anything she has asked me not to, i havnt lied to her and i dont see how not telling her everything i do is being untrustworthy

You said it doesn't feel like your room. I have news for you. It isn't your room. If you're not paying rent you're lucky to even have a room. That room belongs to the people that pay for it, your mom and dad.

You think your mom is over reacting? I don't think she is. Of course I know what you're really up to. Doing E is dangerous. You could die. You seem to be very blasé about it.

I'd bet that you're doing way more then just drugs.

I'm a mom. I know my kids. When they're doing something they shouldn't be, I know it. I may not know what they're doing, but I always know when they're up to no good. I'm sure your mom knows something is going on. Drugs change a person. She most likely senses that you're doing drugs, and she's trying to find them so she knows what she's dealing with.

Personally, if you were my kid, you'd lose your room, you'd lose your computer, and you'd lose your freedom. I'd be sending you for drug testing, and I'd be talking to all of your friends, and their parents. You're lucky that all mom is doing is looking through the room you stay in.

One thing I can promise you. Sooner or later she'll find out what you're up to. You obviously aren't hiding it very well, because she doesn't trust you. If she trusted you she wouldn't be going through your room.

Respect is earned. Privacy is earned. Trust is earned. You haven't earned anything, and whining about mom going through your room isn't getting you anywhere.

[firefly15]

Its so frustrating no one seems to understand.I take an e sometimes when we go out to partys big deal I don't see how its changed me at all. Mums just paranoid I've been smoking pot for a year and she never noticed just now all of a sudden she freaks out doing searches snooping.

[southamerica]

I do understand why you're frustrated. You are baffled that your mom thinks you're untrustworthy because you feel that you've been doing a good job hiding your drug use/partying.

Are you having sex, too? I ask because she might be concerned because she knows you're hanging around boys a lot when you go out with your friends.

You express confusion that she would have noticed the pot, ecstasy, and whatever else you're up to. I can tell that you know she would be extremely upset with you if she knew about the drugs. You do know that, right? So you know that you're not obeying her-even if she hasn't specifically said, "Don't smoke pot, don't take ecstasy tablets, don't have sex, etc"... you know that you shouldn't. You know that these things are dangerous, and you know that (because she loves you) she would be upset to find out just what you're up to.

You don't see how it's changed you, but she does see it. She will find out one way or another, and she is praying that she doesn't find out by having to see you in a hospital or worse, dead.

I'm serious about this, mothers have to identify their dead children every single day. A lot of these children overdose the first time they ever did a drug.

I was 14 years old the first time I drank alcohol, and my mother found me passed out in bed, hardly breathing. She had to call 911 (the emergency number in USA) to have me taken to the Emergency Room or I might have died.

All I wanted to do was have some fun, I never wanted to die. I was 14 years old and if it weren't for mere timing on my mother's part, I would not be here today.

It happens all the time.

[firefly15]

I know she would be upset with me if she knew about the drug.She knows I have a boyfriend well he's not really a boyfriend we are just really good friends and yes sometimes we sleep together.But she's never asked me and I've never said.I know taking drugs can cause overdose but I like the way it makes me feel I don't have to deal with my life I can just be happy for that short time and if I die so

[southamerica]

i like the way it makes me feel i dont have to deal with my life i can just be happy for that short time and if i die so

You don't care if you die?

I bet you do, underneath the partying and the sex. I get it, partying numbs whatever pain you feel and you think it's a great solution or at least a great alternative to the real world. But, it isn't.

If life is not worth living for you and all you care about is being able to slowly kill yourself without interference: there are two things I have to say to you:

1) Life is worth living. It has a lot of opportunities for you and you just need to decide which ones you're going to take. Do you have dreams? Do you want to help animals? Teach kindergarten? Cure cancer? Be a chef? Travel the world? Have a family? I bet you do have those dreams, or you did and you've suppressed them. Don't give them up now because something in your life is so much stress that you're taking drugs. If you need to learn how to cope with some stress, or other pain you're feeling, then see a counselor. I promise you that if you tell your mom, "I am in trouble and I need help", while she may be upset at first, she will do whatever it takes (and that means getting you into a psychiatrist) to make sure that all of the dreams her little girl has will still become a reality someday. That is what a parent wants most for their children and your mom feels that way too.

2) If you think that your mom will just let you kill yourself with drugs without a fight, you're wrong. She's already on your trail and she will figure you out. When she does you're going to pay consequences whether you want to.

You're hurting right now for whatever reason and she can help you. I am begging you to let her. Save yourself and your childhood now before it's too late.

[sharper11]

It's not that we don't understand (because we do, we were teens). But go back and read what you wrote: Drugs: Pot/E.. whatever. . That is completely grounds for your mom invading your privacy.. whether she KNOWS or only suspects you are doing it. Like everyone is saying, she's only doing it because she cares. - - I strongly suggest taking the advice from everyone in here, every comment made so far is SPOT ON and good advice... we do understand.

[firefly15]

I don't care what my mum thinks I just want her to back off and leave me alone, I just want some space.I don't need her and I don't need her all in my stuff she is just freaking out over nothing she should go and find something better to do with her time

[sharper11]

What would you do without her? Just curious. Place to live? Job? Food? Can you cook / Laundry / Bills. Pay for doctor visits? Buy a car? - - -just wondering if you have really thought this over.