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Ofcourse · Apr 13, 2011, 10:29 PM

I have this good friend that seems to hate my fiancé. To his face she is nice but behind his back she will talk about him, to me or other people I am sure. My fiancé and I have ben having problems here and there but what couple doesn't? I like to express to her what's been going on and how I feel about things because she is my friend and I thought friends were supposed to listen to things like that... but what I don't get is why she dislikes him so much. Mainly she says she doesn't like the way he looks at me, she says the look he gives me is "I'm so in love with you!!" kind of look... how can that honestly be a bad thing?? Why does she hate the way he looks at me?? And to be honest with you my mother hated the way guys looked at me, my mother used to say that she wished my boyfriends would look at her the same way that they looked at me... do I sense jealousy and if so does this mean my friend is NOT really my friend? I feel all alone on this...

emily_cory · Apr 13, 2011, 10:43 PM

Your friend is obviously jealous. Your not alone in this at all, and from what I'm understanding she is not a true friend she must like your fiancé and must want him id watch out or stop being friends with that person, because she obviously likes him a lot and wants someone too look at her like that.

martinizing2 · Apr 13, 2011, 11:09 PM

I suggest that you ask her.

Friends can talk about any subject to each other
Including each others shortcomings , faults , and
Irritating behavior.

I tell my friends when I think they are wrong or
Out of line. And they would tell me if it ever happened
That I did slip up on something.;)

I have had some serious fights with friends and when
It was over we wiped off the mud the blood and the beer
And still be friends.

I detect some jealousy from her and a bit of conceit from you.
At least it appears that way on first information ,
Which can be lacking in detail.

Talk to her about it. Communicate with each other ,
Exchange ideas and try to be helpful not critical.
You may end up being better friends.

We humans have the most sophisticated methods of communication on the planet.
Show it off.

mystific · Apr 14, 2011, 06:40 AM

I agree with everything Martinizing2 said. The other thing is that really what do you care what your friends do or say?

There's only 2 people in a relationship. If you start allowing friends/family into that equation, it will only cause trouble. It will then only become a 'he said' 'she said' scenario which inevitably destroy the relationship.

If you're both having problems now you need to focus on working these issues out rather than worrying about what some feeble minded friend may say. And, really at the end of the day if your friend can't support you in your decisions, whether right, wrong or indifferent, they can't be much of a friend at all.

talaniman · Apr 14, 2011, 06:49 AM

Friends talk to each other.

Ofcourse · Apr 14, 2011, 09:16 PM

--Martinizing2, Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it. I really like my friend and I want to ask her about this and I will. But Why would a friend say something like that to another friend? It feels like maybe she has jealousy because she does not have what I have but why would a friend not want her friend to be happy and to have a man treat her good? It comes across to me hurtful, like I don't deserve to be treated well. I know she does not want my fiancé, I've eliminated that one, but I'm still stuck on why she would feel and/or say something like that. She talks about this like it makes her sick to see him look at me. I just don't get it, I've never had this problem with anyone.
She has expressed to me about how she wants me to be open with her and tell her when things bother me but we have been in a few rough spots with each-other and I have mentioned my tiffs with her. I felt good about telling her what things in the past have bothered me and but she won't ever tell me what is bothering her unless I ask the exact questions, almost like a guessing game, that's frustrating.
I am going to talk to her about it and update this post, soon. Thank you to all that have responded!

Ofcourse · Apr 14, 2011, 09:22 PM

--mystific, Amen to that! I couldn't of put that any better, thank you! That has also been an eye opener for me. When others get negative about him I have an easier time being upset at him and I forget that no one else knows what the hell is going on in our relationship. I really just need to keep all of my problems to myself, people seem to agree with me more than help me and that keeps me mad.
I'm such an honest and blunt person, I wish my friends could be more like that too, sometimes it makes me feel alone when your really good friend doesn't really care what is going on with you, instead they just agree with everything you say. And if you're having a bad day and being kind of quiet they won't bother to ask you what is going on, instead they give you the silent treatment.

Frustrated.

martinizing2 · Apr 14, 2011, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by ;

I'm such an honest and blunt person, I wish my friends could be more like that too, sometimes it makes me feel alone when your really good friend doesn't really care what is going on with you, instead they just agree with everything you say.

I have always believed that the people who really care about someone will tell them the things that may hurt their feelings or even make them angry.:mad:

You should be able to tell a friend when they are being an A-hole :(, if you can't tell your friends when they are screwing up, that they are screwing up, you should reevaluate the sincerity of the relationship:confused:

mystific · Apr 14, 2011, 10:47 PM

<<<< Special Group Hugs! >>>>>

Just because I can and it's a good day!

I really just need to keep all of my problems to myself

Its not a matter of keeping it to yourself it's the way in which you ask advice. Go for the neutral ground rather than the emotive 'omg he sucks' route when asking friends or family.. let them ask questions back, gauge the response then open up more about it or back off.

Ofcourse · Apr 14, 2011, 11:59 PM

What if you do tell that friend that they are messing up (being rude/hurt your feelings etc) and they roll their eyes at you or find a way for you to feel sorry for telling them that? I'm guessing that, that relationship is nothing more than stress and lies... right? Maybe not worth the effort? This friendship is much more stressful than my romantic relationship... now that I am evaluating it.

I agree with the both of you. I think I need to say things in a diff way, instead of saying "God he was so rude today" or something negative, but are you saying that they act more negative about this because I am starting the conversation off so strongly?

It's true that if we are really good friends to each-other and our other friends, then telling each-other the truth should just happen and we should accept it and talk about it. I really agree.

**Hugs back at you!! ** :)

brianna_s · Apr 15, 2011, 06:23 AM

You are not all alone. Sometimes when people look at a situation they may see something that they may not agree with but they do not really know what it is so many times people blame their feelings on something's that is not even an issue. It is your job to communicate with your friend. And if your relationship with your friend is worth it it will last. If any one person in a relationship really wants to work and I mean truly wants it to work it will. Just communicate with your friend. But don't start up the conversation with something that will put her on the defensive. That will get you no were.