[newlywed7]

What should I do? He drinks every day but this put a strain on our relationship and he agreed to stop. He claims to have been self medicating but has not revealed what for (I suspect a mental disorder). Though not working at the moment I am cleaning the house, cooking, making a nice home for him. He has 3 days a week off and I ask only that we spend one of those days together. He drinks a 700ml bottle of whisky a day on his 3 days off. Once a week he will go to a friends house and drink. He will be 3hrs late home. The past week he has ignored me in favour of computer games. A few days ago he went to his friends house and came back 6.5 hrs after he said he would come home, drunk out of his mind stumbling around talking to himself. I asked him to keep it down as I needed my sleep and he came out with some of the nastiest most horrible things which didn't seem to be anything to do with me. Never the less he stated I had lost him all his friends, I had lost him his family, I was a control freek, I was a pshyco ***** - all from telling him I did not want to fight. I told him if he didn't stop or leave I would call the police. As he continued I called them. When they arrived he pretended to be asleep. They left and it all started again. He kept coming into the bedroom being nasty to me. At 4.30 in the morning I finally convinced him to take the whole bed into a different room, he did this and fell asleep. I pulled the futon to our room and went to bed. He left the following afternoon without a word, came back appeared to be packing a bag and left again. I later discovered his wedding ring on the bathroom cabinet.
He is like a monster when drunk but so lovely at all other times. I give him space and haven't ever done any nasty thing to him, I don't know why he takes it out on me when he gets like that. He can leave the house fine, happy, smiling and come back being like that, I am a nervous wreck and don't know what to do. I have the opportunity to go to the UK in a few weeks. I have messaged him today to suggest we meet in a neutral place to find out where each other is at but have not had a response, this was 3.5 hrs ago. I haven't heard from him since he left 3 days ago. What are my options here, I don't want to have this kind of instability..

[pc_lady]

Please Newlywed, get help from someone. Quite a few of these situations don't often end well. Your life is important, so please don't try to deal with an emotional nightmare alone. No matter how sweet he is when sober, if he spends most of his time drunk how much "quality time" do you really spend together? Mental health issues along with alcohol problems is not a recipe for a happy marriage. Take care of yourself because you alone cannot fix your husband. He needs another type of help. You can be supportive at a distance, just be safe.

[talaniman]

Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups

Get some facts and helpful tips with this link so you will know what you are dealing with, and how best to deal with being married to a drunk.

Distance is great, both emotional, and physical, but knowledge, and support for you is what you need.

Luck and prayers.

[amicon]

Talk to family and friends and get some support.

Al-Anon is also a good place to get help and information.

This guy needs to sort himself out and he's going to have to WANT to do that-nobody else can do it for him.

He's not only married to you,he's married to his bottle.

I would go to the UK,take some time out and get some perspective on things.

Good luck and take care.

[newlywed7]

Thank you for your responses, I have found them really helpful. I am going to the UK. This will give him the time to sort himself out; if he wants. It will also give me the space I need to heal myself. This way I can get over him and move on. I am really so grateful that I am no longer waiting for him but now making myself happy- It is Friday night and he still hasn't spoken to me! Amazing, wouldn't you think he would be appologizing like crazy? I guess he'l get a shock when I go!

[talaniman]

That's a good decision in my opinion, because he has his own demons to confront and conquer, and he never will as long as he can fall back on your support until the demons call again, be happy and don't listen to any promises when he does get in contact.

The only judge here will be what he is doing, not what he says he will do.

He is on his own, by HIS choice, not yours. Never forget that!

[amicon]

You made the right decision,now look after yourself and enjoy your time in the UK-it's a great place,trust me,I live here!