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ediamond · Apr 12, 2011, 11:37 PM

Me and my girlfriend dated for 1 1/2 and we said the usual stuff like we love each other and the last month was kind of rough for us . I found out threw a friend she cheated on me a year ago and I was pissed. I busted her balls for 3 weeks and I really now do see the errors in my ways. She told me 3 days ago she needs space and wants a break! I have never been put in this position before and I kind of lost it emotionally and I have a had hard time giving her the space she wants, I call and text her still. I just want to make things write for being such a ****. As stupid as this sounds she is still in a relationship on Facebook with and she dose say she loves me and just needs time to figure stuff out. I am just confused and scared she won't take me back, but I feel like she really dose love me because I don't think she would say it if she didn't mean it in her heart. I just need some advice because I have been doing the opposite of giving her space and I told her yesterday that we won't talk until next week. She told me that will help my chances so we made plans to go on a "date" of sorts and I don't know what too do at this point? Do I have hope or is she just ****ing with me? I need advice please

amicon · Apr 12, 2011, 11:42 PM

Have you read any of the threads similar to yours on this board?

Then you should know that a break nearly always means breaking up.

So you go no contact with her-no calls no texts,no nothing.

Then you start living your own life,doing your own thing.

For the record,if I found out that I'd been cheated on,I'd be 'pissed' as well,and that would make me rethink whether I'd want to be with the person.

Wondergirl · Apr 12, 2011, 11:44 PM

Why have you been so mean to her? (Did you talk with her about her cheating? What was her reason? I'm really wondering, in light of how you acted afterwards.) And you think she is ****ing with YOU? That's exactly what you've been doing to her. I'd be scared to death of you and would tell you anything just to calm you down and get you out of my hair.

Do you ever try to get inside her skin to imagine how SHE must feel? Or is it all about YOU?

ken007nielsen · Apr 12, 2011, 11:46 PM

I'm sorry, how are you the bad guy if she cheated?

If I found out my partner cheated on me, I would kick her to the curb, or if I still wanted to stay in the relationship I would still be pissed for more than 3 weeks - I think you let her off easy.

Now she want's space, I suggest you give it to her. No contact whatsoever, that means no writing on Facebook, sms or calls to her.

Can I ask you why you came to the conclusion that you were the one that made a mistake being angry for 3 weeks?

ken007nielsen · Apr 12, 2011, 11:49 PM

Are you sure your reading the right post? :)

Wondergirl · Apr 12, 2011, 11:54 PM

Are you sure your reading the right post?

He doesn't sound like he has both paddles, so why did she cheat? How was he treating her early on? Was she frustrated then already, dealing with his emotions and how he reacts to life? How much was him and how much was her?

I'd love to hear her side of this.

ken007nielsen · Apr 13, 2011, 12:01 AM

You forgot the smiley...

I'm assuming that's just the way he wrote it down. I don't think theirs a hidden motive between the lines, I could be wrong though.

If your unhappy in a relationship, you shouldn't cheat, you should leave instead. If he behaved in a rodden way which I don't think he did. Because 1½ year is a relationship that functions, the relationship went down when he found out she cheated on him. Then he got pissed and spend the next 3 weeks taking it out on her, because she betrayed his trust. I would have done the same thing - not because I wanted too, but because I would have been hurt and the trust would have been gone.

amicon · Apr 13, 2011, 12:07 AM

Originally Posted by ken007nielsen

You forgot the smiley...

I'm assuming that's just the way he wrote it down. i dont think theirs a hidden motive between the lines, i could be wrong tho.

If your unhappy in a relationship, you shouldent cheat, you should leave instead. If he behaved in a rodden way which i dont think he did. because 1½ year is a relationship that functions, the relationship went down when he found out she cheated on him. then he got pissed and spend the next 3 weeks taking it out on her, because she betrayed his trust. i would have done the same thing - not because i wanted too, but because i would have been hurt and the trust would have been gone.

Can't rep you,but I'm with you on this one-of course there's always two sides to every story(or three,four etc.. )but going by what the OP wrote,I agree with you.:)

chuff · Apr 13, 2011, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by ediamond

I found out threw a friend she cheated on me a year ago and I was pissed. I busted her balls for 3 weeks and I really now do see the errors in my ways.

Huh? You should have introduced her butt to the curb. F her. She cheats on you, and then you feel bad for confronting her on it. No way. The only mistake you made was keeping her around after the fact.

ediamond · Apr 13, 2011, 09:23 AM

She says she needs space to figure things out but she still loves me . She also told me when it first happened that we will prob get back together when she is ready. I am taking her out on Monday

Wondergirl · Apr 13, 2011, 09:47 AM

Please give us some backstory.

1) What was going on when she cheated on you a year ago?

2) It was true? She admitted it, or was it a only someone's suspicion?

3) Had the two of you had a fight over something?

4) If so, what??

5) How did you get back together?

talaniman · Apr 13, 2011, 07:46 PM

Taking your post at face value (kind of hard), the only question I have is did she admit to cheating on you a year ago??

If she did, then boy have you gotten life, and reality all screwed up because, if it took a friend to rat her out, before she admitted it, then you would have been a real big dummy and never known it.

But your 3 week ball busting reaction revealed nothing, and worse the script has been flipped on YOU.

You may have been an ignorant victim before, but she has taken that role now, and guess who is calling the shots now? I would have gotten the facts before going through an emotional tirade, just so I wouldn't feel more stupid later than what I felt at being cheated on.

That has passed though, and now you have to move beyond all the emotional fall out, and make some good choices for yourself. I highly suggest, and advise you leave her alone, while you give plenty of thought to getting the FACTS, and I do mean all the facts, and stop being driven by your feelings.

I mean I am not that convinced by what you have written that you are the good guy here, and know your cheating female isn't either. For all I know, you both are highly dysfunctional, as your reaction may have been understandable, but those kinds of emotions that can be sustained over 3 freakin' weeks without someone leaving, is beyond me, to be honest, but that's just me, and the way I see things. Somebody would have to go for sure until the dust did settle.

That didn't happen so now you get facts buddy, control yourself long enough to not be an idiot while you get them.

She lied, she cheated, now she needs a break to figure out if she wants to be with you?? That's nonsense, and honestly, I would give her all the space she needs, forever. Ain't that much love in the world the way I see it. But that's just me, and my opinion.

She cheats, and you grovel?? What's wrong with that picture?

ken007nielsen · Apr 13, 2011, 10:42 PM

I'm sorry ediamond, but despite the fact that she does love you, I seriously doubt she will get back together with you. Why you want to take her back is beyond me!

Let's say you get your wish scenario and the two of you do get back together - you will still have your well placed insecurities about if she is going to cheat again, I would too..

And she broke it off after three weeks of you being mad at her. I can certainly understand that it's not funny being yelled at for 3 weeks, but after what she did it's well deserved. And the fact that she brakes it off so quickly after she made such a mess - that tells me she's not a keeper.

And I promise you, this will come back to haunt you later in the relationship, and if she brakes the relationship so easy - there's no future between you and this girl!

ediamond · Apr 14, 2011, 09:11 AM

She did admit it, but she said she was blacked out drunk and didn't remember doing it. I wish I never knew about it

ediamond · Apr 14, 2011, 09:26 AM

We were long distance while we were at school and it was really hard, I treated her great that's why I was mad for 3 weeks, I have forgiven her . She said she got drunk and made a mistake , I wish I never knew about it in the first place

amicon · Apr 14, 2011, 11:01 AM

She admitted it but she was drunk and can't remember it?

Really?

I don't think so.

chuff · Apr 14, 2011, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by ediamond

she did admit it, but she said she was blacked out drunk and didnt remember doing it. I wish I never knew about it

Oh so she got blacked out and had sex but doesn't remember doing it? Ok. Hmm, you know that's actually rape and usually woman that get raped don't call it cheating... and neither does the guy for that matter. But nobody is going to feel bad for this woman, because she wasn't raped, she was just having sex with someone else when you weren't there.

See the problem is you want to believe this woman is not lying to you, because you are quite honestly in love to the point you can't think straight. BUT this woman is lying to you and cheated on you, and she did it willingly. Finding out sucks, BUT in the long run it's the best thing for you because you know that this woman can't be trusted and should become an ex.

ediamond · Apr 17, 2011, 08:08 PM

We were long distance and didn't really fight, she admitted it. We never broke up until she ended it 2 weeks ago

talaniman · Apr 18, 2011, 05:46 AM

Time to let it go. Better things in the world to do.

ediamond · Apr 19, 2011, 07:50 PM

You guessed it, threads merged

Me and my girl friend dated for about 2 years, we were arguing over a lot of little stupid things toward the end and we broke up. When we broke up I asked her if she liked another guy and if so for how long, she told me there was another guy she liked but wasn't dating him, she told me he made her happy. This part made sense to me on how she was atracked to someone who made her smile when she just went threw a lot of fighting. We had lunch a few days ago to just talk about what was happeneing , she told me she wants to still talk to me and she wants to hangout still , we have plans for this weekend. I was wondering if anyone else thought what she has with this new guy is a rebound relationship or something legit. She also told me she misses me sometimes and still really cares about me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks