Check out some similar questions!

itsmeelaine · Apr 11, 2011, 05:26 AM

I am single lady and have a boyfriend and later found out that he is married with kids.

He offered me to be his 2nd woman and promise he will support in anyway he can..

I love him so much and I know he loves me too. I want a child. But what's bothering me is his status.

What should I do?

Edited/T

J_9 · Apr 11, 2011, 05:49 AM

He is off limits to you. I understand you want a child, it's best to find someone who is available to you and your child. This man is not. Don't be a homewrecker.

Jake2008 · Apr 11, 2011, 08:26 AM

I don't know how you couldn't have known, pretty much from the get-go, that there was another woman in his life. There were signs, as there always are, and you chose to ignore them.

And when you do find out that he is married, with children, you still stay in a relationship with him, and... want to have a child with him?

When you found out he was married, what did that tell you. Did you stop to think that you were suddenly 'the other woman'? Did you stop to think about how your decision to stay with a married man, was a knife directly into the heart of his wife, and did you stop to think that, because of your decision, his children will eventually suffer.

Affairs with married men, NEVER have a happy ending, and the children suffer the most. While your boyfriend and his wife may eventually separate and divorce anyway, the fact that you are in their business and life at all, makes you a contributor to their demise, and the heartwrenching aftermath for their children.

I can tell you to walk away, get yourself together, learn from your mistakes, and the potential powder keg you are in right now, and find a single man. Develop a relationship with someone who doesn't put you as #2, and instead build a healthy life with one available man. If children are in the future, plan on providing your child with a father that puts him/her as his #1 child, not somewhere down the line after his children produced in his marriage.

What you are doing is not exactly uncommon, and I think that if women like you had more respect for the women you are destroying (his wife), and less respect for a man who would cheat on his wife (what kind of man does that), you'd be much further ahead.

itsmeelaine · Apr 11, 2011, 10:07 AM

j_9 and jake, thanks for the advise.
Actually, me and my boyfriend are both outside the countries. We are working here.
While his family is in our home country... he didn't forsake them...
I have this feeling that I have to help him here... and I don't have plan of asking him to leave his wife and kids. Its enough for me that we are here in abroad, we together and have kids soon...
I know am being unfair.. but am not getting him in his family, instead am helping her (his wife) by taking care of him here.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 11, 2011, 10:23 AM

What a load of bull justifying having sex with anothers women's husband, ( helping him) I am sure she thanks you for it daily huh ?

You are trying to justify your low morals of sleeping with a man who is suppose to be off limits,
And he will "take care of you" till he returns home or his wife finds out.

Get a court order for custody of the child and child support,

And start looking for a man who will not give you the second place in his life.

J_9 · Apr 11, 2011, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by itsmeelaine

j_9 and jake, thanks for the advise.
actually, me and my boyfriend are both outside the countries. we are working here.
while his family is in our home country...he didnt' forsake them....
i have this feeling that i have to help him here... and i dont have plan of asking him to leave his wife and kids. its enough for me that we are here in abroad, we together and have kids soon....
i knw am being unfair.. but am not getting him in his family, instead am helping her (his wife) by taking care of him here.

That's a load of CARP! You think you can justify your actions, but you are wrong. You are the other woman. You are a homewrecker.

joypulv · Apr 12, 2011, 09:02 AM

You asked what to do and rejected it all. Clearly your mind was made up, so why did you ask?
I have never heard such twisted logic in my life - having 'kids' (note that by the most recent remark it's plural) is helping take care of him and hence help his wife.
Admit that you are just plain selfish.
And how is 'he will support me any way he can' going to help his wife when he's going to be shelling out support for both of you? Oh, and what effect is not being able to work going to have on your visa status?
Maybe you will be sent home and he can find woman number 3.

QLP · Apr 12, 2011, 12:09 PM

I'm not going to try and convince you that doing this is wrong for the obvious reasons like his wife and family as I'm sure you know that.

Okay so now think about that child you are planning. What are you going to tell that child? Will it know who it's father is? Will it know he has another family and children who will be your child's half brothers/sisters? What happens if your child wants to meet them?

You can justify your actions to yourself all you want. Now think about justifying them to your child.

You buy the fact that he loves you? He happens to be in a foreign country where he can't get sex with his wife. How convenient of you to be on hand. How kind of you to be helping him and his wife this way. Oh please, I don't think I've seen thinking much more deluded than that recently.

JudyKayTee · Apr 12, 2011, 06:31 PM

Oh, please - he's not betraying his wife with you. You're sort of a mother's helper for a grown man - I've seen people justify their actions but this wins an award!

Oh, you won't have a kid FROM a married man. You'll have a kid WITH a married man. Then his children by his wife will receive that much less of his time, attention and money because he's also required to support your child.

You are selfish beyond belief. Of course, after his wife and you there will be someone else. I hope you can remember this justification when that time comes - and you're the target of the woman who is helping to take care of him.

Is he the only man in Town? Otherwise I can't see any other explanation for your behavior.

itsmeelaine · Apr 12, 2011, 09:53 PM

First of all, thanks for all the advises...

But then...

Why no one understands our situation? There are a lots of married men that are not happy in their marriage. They just married because of some reason and now they cannot leave that situation... and now that he found his true love, is it wrong that he wants to be happy in his life. (he got married for his wife because he got pregnant her for only 2 months of a relationship and he has no choice but to stand of what he has done)

There are a lot of woman who has having affair with the married men because of the reason that they love each other more than anyone else...
I know there are a lot of man in town, but how could you love another guy when you're in love with somebody else. When you know this guy will make you happy...

joypulv · Apr 13, 2011, 03:55 AM

You sound very very young.
Do you realize how defensive you have become since you first asked your question?
I just noticed something I overlooked:
'.. and later found out that he is married with kids.'
LATER? You should find that out the first 5 minutes!
CLASSIC deception. Deceit (lying, if English is your second language) like that will not stop, and will prove to be nothing but trouble after the romance fades and the baby's diaper needs changing and he can't afford another package of diapers (and food and clothing and housing and all that you will need while you stay home waiting for him).
We older women know this. We KNOW it.

You came here bothered by his status, wondering what to do, and now all you do is defend yourself because you love each other. Fine, you love each other. No one is trying to tell you don't. Just that you don't realize that a baby is for 18 years (life, really) and romance lasts a year or two, if not a month or two. He will LEAVE you, his 'second woman,' and go back to his family, far, far, away. Think about it.

JudyKayTee · Apr 13, 2011, 10:00 AM

You are using the same tired excuses every woman uses when she gets involved with a married man. Give us a break - we've heard it all before.

Whether you have such a low opinion of yourself that this is the relationship you feel you deserve is immaterial.

I never had a relationship/affair with a married man OR with a man who was involved with another woman. Know why?

1 - I wouldn't do that to another woman;

2 - I don't want a man who doesn't have the b*lls to say, "I'm unhappy and I'm leaving;"

3 - I believe in karma.

southamerica · Apr 13, 2011, 10:09 AM

I hope you understand why everyone here is being so adamant that you walk away from this situation. I've known women who've had affairs with married men. One woman even left her husband on the pretense that her lover would leave his wife and they'd start a new life together. He did, after all, promise her that he would leave his wife.

Well needless to say he never left his wife, and he left this women to crawl back to her husband.

I dated a man I thought was divorced and only found out that his whole story was a crock when his wife called me from his cell phone. She was even pregnant and I had no idea! The fact is: if they're willing to have an affair, there's hardly a limit to what else they'll do. He will NOT treat you right, and he's NOT treating his wife right.

Walk away, his promises are bull. And your excuses are bull. I am sure you even know that your reasoning is flawed, but you're afraid to admit it to yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

QLP · Apr 13, 2011, 01:02 PM

Yes there are a lot of men who say they are unhappy in their marriages.
The ones worth listening to either work on getting that marriage sorted out or get a divorce.

What the rest are saying is,'I want sex/an ego boost/etc - fill in the gaps, with more than just my wife, so I'm unhappy and you giving me sex etc blah blah would fix that.'
When the crap hits the fan these either go crawling back to wifey with their tails between their legs, or make you the wife that they are 'unhappily married to.'

southamerica · Apr 13, 2011, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

'..and later found out that he is married with kids.'
LATER? You should find that out the first 5 minutes!
CLASSIC deception. Deceit (lying, if English is your second language) like that will not stop, and will prove to be nothing but trouble

Exactly! If this is the first lie you receive from a lover, what else have they got up their sleeve?

Walk away the second you find out about the wife and kids. That's what I did and thank goodness I did!

joypulv · Apr 13, 2011, 04:29 PM

I see you asked another question yesterday about whether TO ACCEPT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.
What? Is this a different man from the one here?
If it's the same man, and he asked you to marry him, and THEN you found out he's married with kids, why didn't you walk away right then and there for proposing while married?
And what's this excuse about how he married her because he got her pregnant? You say he has 'kids' plural, so how many times did he marry her because she was pregnant? Do you get it yet?
You are being so utterly naïve and foolish that it is almost unbelievable that you aren't just playing with us.

itsmeelaine · Apr 13, 2011, 09:46 PM

Hi joypluv... this marriage proposal is from other man, I've known for more than a year. He is a muslim a guy and we are different nationality. Am confused also if I will give him a chance to know him better and leave the man (married man) that I love... I have a boyfriend also before of the same category(muslim, different nationality) and it didn't work out. Now , am asking myself, is it worth again??

J_9 · Apr 13, 2011, 09:53 PM

So, let's see... you are in love with a married man and you want to have his child. NOW, you want to know whether to accept a marriage proposal from another man?

Do you really want to know what they call women like you?

Alty · Apr 13, 2011, 10:23 PM

Wow, you're a piece of work.

You're a homewrecking mistress and you try to justify it by lying to yourself. You have another boyfriend that wants to marry you, but you're not sure if you want to stop being a sex toy for the married man. You're certifiable!

Grab some respect and leave the married man. Turn down the marriage proposal, that guy deserves better.

Work on finding some self respect, learning the difference between right and wrong, and keeping your legs crossed.

Unreal! :(

QLP · Apr 14, 2011, 03:31 AM

You don't even mention love in the sentence about the guy you might decide to marry.
You are mulling over his proposal whilst still considering having a baby with the married man.
Either you are a troll or you have no idea what love and relationships are about.

Give the men a rest while you sort yourself out. It is actually possible to survive without one you know.