[kimstoll104]

I need some help. My boyfriend's best friend of 13 years committed suicide a couple days ago. This came as a tremendous shock to everyone including him. I have never experienced a close death before, so I'm not sure what to say to him or even know how to console him. I feel at a loss of what to say and am afraid that he will start to become distant with me. I'm almost feeling that he wants me to be how his friend was and it's difficult because we had completely different personalities. I also feel helpless because I live quite a ways from him and can't be with him all the time. I understand he's going through the grieving process and I want to be there for him 100% but I just don't know what I can do to help him if anything. Can someone provide me some direction as to how I might be able to help him through this?

[cdad]

It's a difficult situation that he is going through. And for you to participate in it really means to be there for him as he needs it and yet not judge him for the process he is going through. People grieve in different ways. He may even question himself and play what if games in his own head. Its OK its part of the process just so long as it doesn't control him. Just make sure he knows your willing to support him through this tough time. You don't want to smother him nor place your expectations upon him. We are all different in that manner.

Sorry for the loss.

[kimstoll104]

Thank you califdadof3

He has been talking about "what if" scenarios and "i wish" comments. I don't think this will control him, but on the other hand I can't help but feel helpless when when he's talking about his friend. I do try to bring up the good times that they've had and it seems to help. That's good advice and I'll definitely use it. Thank you again for the help

[JudyKayTee]

The best thing you can do for him is to listen - second guessing yourself, "what if," that's all part of the grieving process.

Listen - that's what he needs right now.