[endofmyropes]

I HAVE BEEN WITH MY Children's FATHER FOR 17 YEARS. WE HAVE 3 KIDS TOGETHER. 16, 11 AND 8. We've had many problems in our relationship but are still together. Back in 2002, he was incarcerated. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time and was sentenced to 6.5 years in prison. Before he was incarcerated he was already cheating on me. I decided to forgive him, after all we had 3 kids together and he has always been a wonderful father.

During his incarceration, I made a few mistakes. I got involved with someone and fell in love. My oldest child walked in on us having sex one time. This man also broke my door in at one point. I decided to let this man go and stay with my children's father. My son then told his father everything and when he came home in 2008, he didn't even speak to me. After a few days, he gave in and we had sex and got back together. Every now and then he gets drunk and starts talking about all the things I did to him while he was in jail.

It really hurts me to know how much it has affected him. He was not living with me due to legal issues with his incarceration, he could not live with me due to government laws about public housing and criminals. So he lived with his mother at first and then ended up living in his own. He then started cheating on me again, with a couple of different woman. One of them was the same chick he cheated on me with before he went to jail. I confronted him about it and he denies it and brushes it off. He recently told me he was in love with someone. I then started desperately trying to get him to move back home.

I lied about having throat cancer and that seemed to work. He moved in the following month. He was still in a relationship with this other girl, I begged and pleaded with him not to be invloved with her. Long story short, 3 months later he moves out and moves in with her. He tells me she's pregnant and then 2 months later said she lost the baby. During his time that he was staying with her, my kids would ask him, daddy when are you coming back home. Daddy are you going to come with us to disney world, this was breaking my heart. I told him I wanted him to come back home, I wanted to make things right and get married.

Well I guess awhile after she lost the baby, he ended up coming back home. He is always reassuring me that he left that girl alone, she doesn't want to have nothing to do with him. But I still have a gut feeling he is still involved with her. He told me he loves her several times before he moved out the first time. I'm not sure if we should stay together and make it work for the kids or what?

I love this man soooo much! But he does not initiate sex. When we do try to have sex, he doesn't even get aroused, if he does it goes back down very quick. I'm frustrated! I need to have good sex. I don't want to cheat, what should I do? He says he will never be able to forgive me for certain things I did while he was in jail. Could this be why he doesn't love m the way he used to. Am I stupid for hoping this will work?

I really do have a gut feeling he is still with this other girl. I saw her once and she is a very pretty young lady, he's told me that she's a very good girl and she's very smart. I don't care to know about this other woman. I want our family to be happy again. What should I do.

[talaniman]

I don't see you ever being happy chasing after this lying, cheating, jail bird. Sorry, but I just don't see it!

17 years is a long time to put up with someone's BS, and have them tell you that he is hurt by yours. Utterly unbelievable!!

[Devorameira]

Tal is definitely right - seventeen years is way too long to put up with him and his crap. The whole relationship has been a mass of lies, abuse, and cheating.

I can't foresee anything good ever coming out of this relationship. In my opinion, it's time to end to put this relationship to bed and move on.

[amicon]

You should be looking into the best,most quick and least painful way to end this toxic mess.

He cheats, he lies and gets himself thrown into jail-what a prince-NOT!

Get legal aid and get rid of him.

[endofmyropes]

Thanks everyone. It so much easier said then done. If he was a bad father it would be a bit easier. He loves his kids, but I do not believe he loves me the way he used to.

[amicon]

A good father is there,full time for their children.

They don't run off with other women,who become pregnant,nor do they behave in ways that 'earns' them jail terms.

Be a good mother and get out of this mockery of a marriage.

[endofmyropes]

He is a good father! He pays child support, takes them out to places, makes sure they have everything they need. School, birthdays, christmas, whatever it is. He goes to sporting events with his oldest. He has made several mistakes and so have I. I never compare his relationship to my kids to me, because he's not beating me, or physically abusing me. He just has some issues he needs to deal with. Responsibility to his children has always been there even through our times not together, he still came over and spent time with his kids. I've always been a good mother despite circumstances. **** happens.

[talaniman]

Let him be a good father while you have a good life without him. That doesn't mean that you can't be good parents, just not romantically attached.

Easier said than done for sure. But needs to be done nonetheless.