[this8384]

We're debating getting our kids a cell phone for when they live with their mom during the summer. We're trying to weigh our options as to which would be the best option.

If we buy a kid's phone that has basic mom/dad/emergency buttons, we could program our numbers into it and then not have to worry about the kids downloading things or making unnecessary calls but the cost would be more substantial.

If we buy a pre-paid, the cost would only be incurred when the minutes were used. Our concern with that would be that their mom would take the phone and use it herself instead of her own phone, defeating the purpose of buying the minutes and the phone in the first place. Are you able to access call history with a prepaid phone?

Our reason for this is that while their mom has her own phone, she "conveniently" never answers when we call nor does she return our phone calls/voicemails. If the children have their own phone, we don't have to use her to communicate with them and don't have to run back to court over it either.

[excon]

Hello this:

I'm not sure what your objective is... IF it's to supply your children with a method of communicating with YOU, but NOTHING else, then the kids phone (if it can be programed like you say) is the obvious choice. The "mom" can't use it. They can't download stuff. They can't talk to anybody else on it, except YOU.

A prepaid phone, however, has NONE of those advantages, and ALL the disadvantages you don't like.

I suppose, if you had the phone, you COULD see the history of a prepaid phone.. But, that won't stop the "mom" from doing it. It only allows you to catch her. Why not use another phone that PREVENTS her from using it in the first place?

excon

[this8384]

Hello this:

I'm not sure what your objective is... IF it's to supply your children with a method of communicating with YOU, but NOTHING else, then the kids phone (if it can be programed like you say) is the obvious choice. The "mom" can't use it. They can't download stuff. They can't talk to anybody else on it, except YOU.

A prepaid phone, however, has NONE of those advantages, and ALL the disadvantages you don't like.

I suppose, if you had the phone, you COULD see the history of a prepaid phone.. But, that won't stop the "mom" from doing it. It only allows you to catch her. Why not use another phone that PREVENTS her from using it in the first place?

excon

Unfortunately, it comes down to money and what we're able to afford. The child support she pays each month doesn't even cover our grocery bill - never mind school supplies and clothes.

A prepaid phone is half the cost of the kid's phone. But if we can't "track" how it's being used, then it defeats the purpose. If she burns up the minutes we buy, then it's going to cost us just the same.

[excon]

If she burns up the minutes we buy, then it's going to cost us just the same.

Hello again, this:

You've already said that she's going to do that. Why even give her the option?

How much money are we talking about, anyway? A prepaid throwaway phone here costs about $30. If a kids phone costs $60, then in my view, it's money well spent. Course, there's a monthly bill with a kids phone, isn't there?

excon

[this8384]

Hello again, this:

You've already said that she's gonna do that. Why even give her the option?

How much money are we talking about, anyway? A prepaid throwaway phone here costs about $30. If a kids phone costs $60, then in my view, it's money well spent. Course, there's a monthly bill with a kids phone, isn't there?

excon

While I shouldn't be so bold to outright accuse her of doing it, she's done other stuff in the past which I never would have imagined - some of it you know, some of it you don't.

We can get a pre-paid phone with 200 minutes for about $20/month. If we decide we don't need it/can't afford it/Mom's using it, then we can just let it die and that's the end of it. A kid's phone requires a subscription through a carrier - plus a used phone on eBay is over $45. So if she hides it or won't let them use it, then we're stuck in a contract and paying for something that's rotting away in a drawer somewhere.

It's just frustrating - it shouldn't be this complicated but unfortunately, some people can't grow up.

[excon]

Hello again, this:

Seems like a simple software app that would allow certain numbers to be dialed, would SOLVE the problem... Guess, they don't have that, huh?

I don't know what to tell you.

excon

[joypulv]

I often think of all the millions of us just here in the US who grew up without a cell phone on our ears day and night. Does Mom have a land line, and can you arrange a 10 minute window once a week to call them? (I realize that calling collect is too expensive.) She has them for the summer, and that's her time with them, and she may resent a lot of calls, whether she's an ideal parent or not.

I'm curious why would you mention going to court over this. Is the ability to call them during her time with them part of the court order?

[this8384]

I often think of all the millions of us just here in the US who grew up without a cell phone on our ears day and night. Does Mom have a land line, and can you arrange a 10 minute window once a week to call them? (I realize that calling collect is too expensive.) She has them for the summer, and that's her time with them, and she may resent a lot of calls, whether she's an ideal parent or not.

I'm curious why would you mention going to court over this. Is the ability to call them during her time with them part of the court order?

I hate the idea of giving a child a cell phone because I think the same way you do: it's not a necessity and certainly not for a child. She got rid of her house line after she stopped receiving child support. So the only way to reach them at this point is her cell phone, which she may or may not answer depending on her mood - she also won't have the kids call back.

The court order states that both parents are allowed to have reasonable contact with the children while they are with the other parent. I understand what you're saying about being a pest but at times, she's called every single day of the week - yet we always let the kids talk to her. Our attorney even said once a day is reasonable; I don't think it is and we certainly wouldn't be calling anywhere near that often. Of course, we're dealing with someone who thinks everything should be 100/0 and not 50/50. She once called our phones a total time of 10 times in 50 minutes and left 4 voicemails - we were at the pool and she was going to see the kids in less than 24 hours. But in her mind, we should have been waiting for her phone call and answered/called back immediately.

And I'll be honest. No, we don't manage to pick up EVERY time she calls - she honestly manages to only call when we're eating dinner, doing homework, etc. If we're not available right when she calls, then we ALWAYS have the kids call her back. But according to her, we're "avoiding" her and "not letting the kids talk to her." There have been numerous times we have the kids call back, she doesn't answer and doesn't call back again - it's just a big game, unfortunately.

Additionally, while the summer is "her" time with them, she gets 3 visitation weekends a month during the school year. To say summer is "her" time would be like saying we don't have to let the kids talk to her during the school year because that's "our" time.

[Fr_Chuck]

Prepaid phone, they start calling other friends, calling new friends, other parent uses it and poof, no minutes left, so you now buy more and more minues

[joypulv]

I think this is bound to stay this way unless you can both iron out a contract for set times to talk.
Each gets to call them at the other's house 4 times a week at bedtime, exact days, exact times.
One fails to respond, the other gets to too, checked off on paper.

I also wonder if there is too much of a power struggle going on at the expense of the kids. Do they feel a need to check in every day (which could easily decrease as they get older)? I wonder if the signals they are getting are more competition over who is a good parent, rather than missing them. I would ask them for a little input on this. If they are old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to have a say.

[this8384]

I think this is bound to stay this way unless you can both iron out a contract for set times to talk.
Each gets to call them at the other's house 4 times a week at bedtime, exact days, exact times.
One fails to respond, the other gets to too, checked off on paper.

I also wonder if there is too much of a power struggle going on at the expense of the kids. Do they feel a need to check in every day (which could easily decrease as they get older)? I wonder if the signals they are getting are more competition over who is a good parent, rather than missing them. I would ask them for a little input on this. If they are old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to have a say.

Contract or not, she won't follow it. "Power struggle" is an understatement. She tried telling us two weeks ago where WE were going to be at what time so that the kids could get picked up for her weekend.

Here's the example of what's currently going on: she has them for spring break this week, she had them for 4 days before we tried calling just to give them some "mom time" - now for the past two days in a row, my husband called just trying to say hi and check in - she will not answer the phone or return his voicemails. I don't know that the kids see it as a "competition" because I seriously doubt they even know that we're even trying to reach them. They might very well be wondering why we DIDN'T call them this week.

And on the other hand, her contact with them is sporadic - one week she'll call every single day, and the next she won't call once. But the minute she decides she wants to talk to them, she calls repeatedly and starts leaving nasty voicemails demanding that we "stop ignoring her" and have the kids call her back ASAP.

[joypulv]

Get a daily planner. Write down the day and time and what happened of each in/out call.

Next time you have to go back to court, tell them the situation is out of hand and ask for a specific order. I suppose the judge might say 'don't waste my time, it's unenforceable.'

I think I would be the kind of person to throw up my hands and not call her and not answer her calls - or I would spring for that kids only phone. Anything else is pure aggravation. I really don't see the kids suffering from lack of check ins. Logistics going from house to house can be done by voice mail.

[this8384]

Get a daily planner. Write down the day and time and what happened of each in/out call.

Next time you have to go back to court, tell them the situation is out of hand and ask for a specific order. I suppose the judge might say 'don't waste my time, it's unenforceable.'

I think I would be the kind of person to throw up my hands and not call her and not answer her calls - or I would spring for that kids only phone. Anything else is pure aggravation. I really don't see the kids suffering from lack of check ins. Logistics going from house to house can be done by voice mail.

That's what we've been doing; I also take pictures of his phone showing when he made the calls and the length of them. And technically it is enforceable; their agreement says each parent has to allow the other reasonable contact. We've never denied her contact to the kids, she just chooses to ignore us because we don't answer the very same minute she calls us.

It's not that the kids would "suffer" from not talking to one parent or the other but there's more to the situation - unfortunately I'm not comfortable divulging it on here in the incident she would find it. She would absolutely know who I am and what I'm referring to.

[joypulv]

Reading back, I think I said things that are 'easy for me to say' and that this is a real dilemma.
I guess I would forgo my entertainment or clothing budget to spring for that special phone, sigh.