[BharatiK]

THREADS MERGED

Hi I am bharati... I am maharashtrian and my boyfriend is south Indian, as he is not of my caste my parents are not allowing me to marry him... he loves me since 9years and we both got in relationship from last 6months... earlier he was a very good friend of mine but he kept loving me from our schoool days till now... I Love HIM very much and same from his side,we both can't live without each other... their is no problem from his family, they have accepted me happily but my parents especially my dad is not ready for intercaste marriage... my dad said if you marry out of our caste I will kill u... or else will commit suicide... plzzz help me what should I do... plzzz... we both love each other a lot... god help us... I forgot to mention one thing that my parents have selected one guy for me of my caste and they are forcing mr to marry him... I have disclosed about my boyfriend to my mom and even my dad knows something about it... my dad is not at all ready for me to do love marriage or intercaste marriage... please help me out...

I need solution *** don't tell me to leave my boyfriend or to run away and marry, as I love my parents most and can't leave them to get insulted n also I love my boy very much and really can't stay without him and it is same in his case, I know he will never cheat me or restrict me to do the things which I want to do, I even had a talk to his mom and elder sisters, they are very supportive and are ready to accept me the way I am... just suggest me how to convince my parents... I will not get such a good guy and family ever in my life if I leave him... these people are too good... *** hepl me out... :(

[Cat1864]

Is there anyone your parents respect who would speak to them on your behalf?

If at all possible, I think you need to slow down your relationship with your boyfriend. He may have loved you for nine years, but the relationship has only been mutual for six months. I am concerned that you need to take more time to get to know each other and make certain that you are in love with each other and not with the concept of being in love.

If you are set on marrying the boyfriend, have you thought about how to merge your different backgrounds and how you will raise your children? Do you have a clear understanding of what each of you expects your marriage to be like?

I ask these questions because we get questions from people (mainly women) who married for love only to find out that the relationship wasn't what they expected. In some cases, the families were very welcoming until the bride moved in. In some, the husband who was very supportive before the marriage became nearly the exact opposite afterward. Please be very careful that you think everything through. It may also help your parents understand what you want if you can give them plans for situations that might worry them.

As for the arranged marriage, it is my understanding that they cannot 'force' you to marry against your will. How are they trying to force your to marry their choice? Have you met the gentleman and talked to him? Does he know you are against marrying him?

[BharatiK]

Thanks for replying...
Me and my boyfriend were very good frndzz since 11yrs and after knowing him I got into relationship with him, you I met that guy (parent's choice) , but I was not at all knowing that someone is going to come to see me, I was told that our relatives are coming and they want to see you, and it waz also clearly told that the guy is not coming but that guy also came that day, and as I was at home that day I was forced to meet them, and that guy doesn't knows that I don't want to marry him, this Sunday he is coming again to meet me but I have said that I won't be able to be at home that day due to some office traings... I have disclosed about my boyfriend to my mom and my dad has some idea about it... now *** tell what should I do... I know he loves me a lot and we both have mutual understanding for each other... plzz help me out...

[Sumitkumar7266]

No one can help you except your parent.. Don't take some foolosh decision in love.. First of all you should not love a south indian guy,but anyway love happens... There culture,language and your culture and lanuage is very different.. Love is not everything.. After some year when you both will need some social contact then no one will be there with you.. You will not able to celebrate ganesh puja,lots of things are there.. Don't do such things for which you will blame yourself for full life.. Parent are more important than anyone else.. My suggestion if your parent are convinced then you move forward.. or else leave it as a nice memory..

[Alty]

Why are your parents against him? Is it an age thing, a religious thing, something else?

[J_9]

Are you both of the same caste?

[BharatiK]

Thanks for replying dear... yaa der is a caste problm... my dad mostly are not allowing me for intercaste marriage... he said me if you will marry out of our caste then I will kill u... I am Maharashtrian and my boyfriend is South Indian... but we both love each other a lot... *** suggest me something..!
:(

[Cat1864]

BharatiK, Please do not use chat speak. It is against site rules and could get your posts deleted and/or your thread closed. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules

Is there someone your father respects who would talk to him for you?

What does your mother think? Is she supportive of your choice?

[talaniman]

Don't panic. Make sure the guy your parents want to arrange a marriage with, knows your heart is with another, NOT HIM, and then reject all other suitors for one year while you put on your best smile, and behavior for your parents. In this way they will know you are serious, and may become more approachable as you, and your boyfriend work together to present the best possible couple for your parents.

If you are of the same religion, you can enlist the counsel of a mutually trusted religious leader who can add to your side. Convincing parents takes a lot of effort, and planning, and time and a lot of help.

But it can be done if you, and your boyfriend approach this maturely, and show them you have a great plan that will impress, and influence your parents in a positive way. He better have enough going for himself, that they are reassured greatly of his potential, and character also, as all parents want the best for their daughter, and grand kids.

I wish you much LUCK, and PATIENCE.

[BharatiK]

Thanxx to all for replying... me and my boyfriend is of same religion but of different caste, my mom wants me to support but because of my dad's reaction she is scared even for the silent support, suggest me how I should make my parents meet my boy, he is ready to convince my parents, my bf's parents have accepted me, the only problem is from my side... plzz reply... help me :(

[BharatiK]

:( :( :(

[Cat1864]

Bharatik, has anything happened or changed since you were here last?

[BharatiK]

:(

[BharatiK]

Nothing has changed... but now my mom is not forcing me to do anything...
But I want to delete my profile as it can be easily searched in Google.
Please help me 4 this.