[girlno3]

I had noticed another post like mine, so I am just posting a similar situation

My husband is very nice person, very liberal and open to everyone... he also has 2 sisters and a doting mother! So he's very used to having friends who are girls... sigh.. anywyas, I am definitiely a very jealous person... so he never even talks to other girls, even at parties except for my one 22 year old friend!

She's gorgeous, a mutual friend, great gal... I know shed never do anythign with him but he's been texting her and deleting the messages, and calling her and meeting up with her! Because I don't dogwalk with him, he goes to see her! He won't really let me talk to her anymore and said id better not involve her in our relationship! As we have been fighting a lot... after he started talking to her everyday though, he wants me to start going to church with him, I guess to curb the jealous streak in me...

I think its stopped, I think he feels guilty, but now he just looks so miserable... weve been fighting a lot in our relationship, so I guess he looks to her... he gets angry if I even mention her name as well, we had the same problem with his sister who he adores and now never talks about because I'm too jealous! I know its all my fault but I don't know how to change back to the way we were...

He used to always want to talk to his female friends or even have them sleep over at our place or move in with us! I just don't know what to do either, he is in a much better mood when he talks to them, he's giddy around them, a bit cocky around me, and just a much nicer person to be around sigh... I don't know if I can handle his meanness anymore if he can't see them... should we all hang out together? Should I keep talking about them to make him feel better? Should I invite them over for dinner so that he's happy? It just hurts me so much when he talks and talks about these girls its saying their names over and over again to me!

[JudyKayTee]

I thought he was being disrespectful to you - until I read that you are jealous of his sister.

I think you need to talk to someone about your jealousy. It's obviously caused some problems in your relationship so far and you don't seem to know how to control it.

Do I want my husband's friends, male or female, to move in with us? No. You have to tell him your concerns (whatever they are) and strike a compromise of some sort. If you have told him that his behavior makes you unhappy and he keeps the same behavior or pattern - and it's unreasonable - then you have a BIG problem.

[talaniman]

There is a healthy way to have healthy relationships with people of the opposite sex, when you are married, but you both have to be healthy, and secure in your relationships. If you need help with your personal issues, do get it for yourself, and if he will join you that's better.

[Homegirl 50]

You have jealousy issues sure enough but his hanging out with your friend and wanting his female friend to stay the night and maybe move it is a bit much. His forbidding you to talk to your friend is a bit much. Your husband has some problems too. His need to be around women all of the time even though he has a wife is strange.
You two need some couple counseling.

[QLP]

How would he feel about you moving a couple of male friends in?

[DoulaLC]

Were you jealous of his sister because of the time he spent with her and that was taking time and attention away from you?

I can certainly understand being bothered by his need for such frequent contact with other women, especially your mutual friend that he was texting and visiting and then didn't want you to talk to her anymore. You said she would never do anything, but I would wonder whether he might have crossed the line and she told him to get lost. Now he doesn't want you talking to her so that she won't say something to you.

It sounds as though his need to have these women in his life is an ego boost for him. That he wants some of them to move in, is unusual. Having friends of the opposite sex is fine, but he has gone beyond what most people would be comfortable with.

It is not all your fault. If he behaves as you say he does, his behavior would be considered inappropriate by many and your concern is understandable.

I can see how the two of you perpetuate the cycle... his behavior causes you to feel jealous, he becomes angry and spends even more time with these women and, in turn, you are bothered by it even more.

Have you talked to him when all is calm about this? I wonder how he would feel if you were texting, calling, and spending a great deal of time with other men... I doubt he would be pleased.

Marriage counseling, as Homegirl mentioned, would be a good idea. Perhaps through your church?

[Realist123]

If he married you because he loves you and wants to make you happy, as he vowed, then he needs to do what is best for the marriage! As a compromise, he needs to stop contancting your friend when you are not around and only have her as an aquiantence. He knows how you feel about the circumstance and how it hurts you to see him happy with another woman, regardless if it's sexual or not. If he needs an emotional fufilment from another woman, who is not a family member, than he should have never got married! It is completely disrespectful to you, when he contacts her behind your back. The lying he is doing is creating distrust in your marriage. Nobody wants to be lied to and nobody wants to live in secretcy.

The answere is he needs to stop, and if he continues, you need to decide if you want to live your life with someone who is dishonest and doesn't care about the hurt he is causing you. It is not healthy for you to continuely worry about what he is doing. I'm sure he would never want to live in fear about you being dishonest to him...