Originally Posted by
youradvisor1
Ok so here's my story....I was in a six year relationship that ended approxamitely two years ago. I'm 31 and have been dating but am really struggling finding that connection with someone. I have been dating someone for almost two months but have come to realize that we don't connect emotionally, physically or spirituatlly. Back to the drawing board. I'm just curious outside of online dating where people meet single, quality, available people? I can't believe I'm writing this but I feel like I'm the only single person in the world at my age. I'm positive, successful, self-confident and don't seem to struggle meeting guys that are interested however it's not reciprocated. Maybe I'm too picky? I don't know but I've felt love and chemistry in the past. Not to sound cocky but I'm told that I'm really pretty and cool so why is it so hard for me? Any thoughts on where to go and how to attract someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with? I'm independent but love to be in love.
youradvisor - I don't know if my comments are going to help you at all but at least you can know that you are not alone.
Your situation is quite similar to mine and I'm a guy. I've asked the same questions: "...outside of online dating where people meet single, quality, available people?"
Through this alone part of my life, I'm learning some things that I think are worth sharing. First, it's helpful to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness when it becomes overwhelming. That's when it's time to step back and reach out to people that you love and care for... purposefully spend time with them.
Second, if you are someone who believes in God, undoubtedly you wrestle with him about this time in your life. I know for you to post this here means that your heart is really crying out. Sometimes maybe you are angry with God. Sometimes maybe you feel hurt as if he doesn't care about your well-being. Doesn't he care to answer the loneliness you feel deep down?
Third, maybe sometimes you are mentally exhausted by all of the possibilities out there that you feel you may be missing. You may think that "if I had only gone to that one event or party like I thought to go to, maybe I would have met a good guy there." Or the opposite, maybe you are frustrated by feeling that you are trying to hard and that is turning people away from you. Whatever the case, you may feel the rub of coming up against your own limited capacity as a human being and the level of control that you have over your own destiny. That is very frustrating as well.
Here's where I am at in my journey. It's helpful to say this because it reminds me of where I need to be. God knows. He knows. Your inward cry doesn't go unnoticed. Sometimes the waiting is more about us learning to persevere in faith. Sometimes it is a lesson in patience... and if you are an American, we are dominated by a culture where virtually nothing is "sure, that'll be 2 years" because instantly we can have burgers, fries, and soda. We aren't conditioned to be patient so we have to work harder are it and waiting on a good thing like a mate can be crushing to the spirit.
So we wait. We need to take a role in trying to meet someone... sure. But we cannot force things either. For example, if I were lonely and for the sake of loneliness, I decided to get involved with someone with different values because I'm afraid I won't find someone else. I'd say that's not a good choice.
In the meantime, we need to pursue things that will enhance our lives and bring some amount of pleasure. For me it's been seeking opportunities to serve others through volunteering, church, and in everyday life.
I hope some of these ideas comfort your weary heart. Just remember, tomorrow is another day. We should wake up each day with a hopeful expectation that our prayer will be answered but not be so consumed with the outcome of each day.