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hmariep · Mar 23, 2011, 07:18 PM

I have been with my boyfriend Dean for 10 months now, he's 27, I'm 21. The first month we were dating he wanted to go on a road trip with a girl, Toni, and for me to come along too. But 4 weeks prior he had already been somewhere with her. I told him to just take me since he went with her before and we were dating now. After that she oddly stopped texting and calling him completely. He told me they had always been just friends, which I half believed although when I met her all she talked about was what her and Dean used to do together.

Three months into the relationship a girl Carrie kept trying to get into contact with Dean on Facebook. I asked him about her and his excuses ranged from 'nothing happened' to 'she is just weird'. This continued for 4 more months until she messaged me. I told Dean about it, wondering why if they had been just friends she would be trying to contact him and he would be so indifferent about it. Turns out they had been intimate and slept together many times for almost 4 months. This had happened about 6 months before me. He had continued lying about it to me via text and to my face for our whole relationship.

I asked him how many women he had been with (for health reasons) right from the start and he had told me of his exes but not her. How sad that I had to find out the truth from Carrie and not my own boyfriend. Now I can't trust him at all. Why did he have to lie about it? He had also lied about someone he had been in a one night stand with who randomly texted a year after it had happened. I had to text her to find out the truth because he had told me they had never met.

The relationship feels ruined now. All this time he had completely lied. Opinions? Comments? Would be very much appreciated as I need to decide what to do.

grammadidi · Mar 23, 2011, 07:36 PM

This is why women must remember to protect themselves against sexually transmitted diseases as well as pregnancy. :(

You are right, the relationship is ruined. Dean obviously cannot be trusted. If he wasn't up front with you right from the start he's clearly not someone capable of being up front and honest. Is that the kind of man you want to be with?

I think you probably deserve much better than that! Dump him fast and learn from your mistakes. You cannot take anyone at face value. Make people EARN your trust over time.

Hugs, Didi

talaniman · Mar 23, 2011, 08:23 PM

Lets face it. The guy had a history of loving them, and leaving them. Had you know the truth, you probably would have had nothing to do with him. But it wasn't your business anyway to be fair. But he didn't have to lie, and that's why you better leave him alone, as you will end up like the others he has loved, and left.

I guess you will have the same sour grapes the others had, and text his next female. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. They had as much to do with what happened as he did.

amicon · Mar 24, 2011, 12:23 AM

He's a lying player-save yourself future grief and end it.

For health reasons,I'd say it's time to have a checkup.

I feel for you,but there are nice guys out there,just unload this poor excuse for a man.

grammadidi · Mar 24, 2011, 07:14 AM

By the way, asking a partner how many partners they have had is a very UNsafe means of protecting yourself. It only takes one infected partner to spread a sexually transmitted disease. You can't tell by looking or asking. The ONLY way you know that your partner is disease-free is if you know 100% that they are faithful and you see the lab results from tests taken AFTER you enter into a mutually exclusive relationship. I hope that you are still healthy and I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this experience.

Hugs, Didi

hmariep · Mar 24, 2011, 03:45 PM

Thanks for your comment. He was a player, but unfortunately he is still hiding something now and that's why it's not going to work out.

hmariep · Mar 24, 2011, 03:46 PM

Don't worry I will definitely make sure I get a check up. I just feel disgusted that I believed him when he didn't even tell me the whole truth. I cared about him enough to be completely honest with him - but he didn't feel the same. Thanks

amicon · Mar 24, 2011, 11:48 PM

It's his loss,Marie,and once you get past the hurt you'll be able to go on to having a proper relationship with a decent man.

Good luck.