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BlazingCold · Jan 21, 2007, 08:33 PM

Hello Everyone.

You all know my story, so I won't bore you. Suffice it to say, I haven't heard from the ex in almost 3 months... until today. I was on Yahoo messenger when she sends me an I'm asking me who I was (we didn't chat often on im). When I told her, she was kinds shocked, but didn't leave like I thought she would. We had a civil chat, although she said she felt awkward talking to me again (I gave her an out, but she didn't take it). It seemed like she didn't have much to say, but she replied saying that she had plenty, but didn't think it would be best to say it, as it would hurt both her and myself. She also said she wasn't sure how to feel. I kept it light and jovial, avoiding any relationship stuff. Ended the conversation by telling her it was nice to talk again and not to be a stranger.

Talking to her didn't bother me in the least! If anything, she seemed more bothered by it than me. After all these months of hoping and wondering, it happens when you least expect it. But I'm not phased, I'm in a better position than I ever have been before. She's welcome to be a part of my life, but I won't shed a tear if I never heard from her again.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 21, 2007, 08:35 PM

Excellent.

Nohitter410 · Jan 21, 2007, 08:59 PM

Very refreshing.. you may have hoped at some point that she would break the no contact and she finally did but you are at a much better place now and although it may have been great to talk to her it wouldn't be the end of the world either way.

Great to hear

BlazingCold · Jan 21, 2007, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by Nohitter410

Very refreshing.. you may have hoped at some point that she would break the no contact and she finally did but you are at a much better place now and although it may have been great to talk to her it wouldn't be the end of the world either way.

Great to hear

True. It took me a while to believe this. But it's funny that she starts sniffing around now when other women have shown interest in me! Oh well, I'll continue to play it close to the vest, and live my life just like I have if she didn't break NC.

JDOP · Jan 22, 2007, 01:59 AM

I'm in the same place as you, my ex also wants to "talk" to me all of a sudden of 3 months of NC. I don't know if it's a good idea to start having contact again but I guess it sure give you a lot of satisfaction just to know that she is more bothered than you.

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 22, 2007, 04:29 AM

She has more of a reason to be bothered since she was the one who walked out on you, so there is more guilt there. I am glad blaze that you have come so far as to not be bothered by all this. I sense that there is a part of you that is reflecting on this contact but I think the progress you have made has enabled you to not let this pull you back in any way. It is good that you are in a place where you can consider letting other women in your life but just make sure that you really are in that place. You sound fine to me and I am very proud of the progress you have made since you first came here. I think you handled this situation very well and in a mature way. I would not dwell on it which I know you won't and just keep on doing what you are doing.

talaniman · Jan 22, 2007, 08:56 AM

Way to go, you have come a long way.

BlazingCold · Jan 22, 2007, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

She has more of a reason to be bothered since she was the one who walked out on you, so there is more guilt there. I am glad blaze that you have come so far as to not be bothered by all this. I sense that there is a part of you that is reflecting on this contact but I think the progress you have made has enabled you to not let this pull you back in any way. It is good that you are in a place where you can consider letting other women in your life but just make sure that you really are in that place. You sound fine to me and I am very proud of the progress you have made since you first came here. I think you handled this situation very well and in a mature way. I would not dwell on it which I know you won't and just keep on doing what you are doing.

Yeah, I've reflected on this, but I try not to give her so much of my thought space (she's had enough). I chalk to it up to sheer curiosity, not any attempt to reconcile. I honestly don't think she'll ever talk to me again, but I've been wrong before. Either way, I'm in a better position than ever before.

I can't say it didn't bother me at all, but much less than I thought it would. I thought about just ignoring her, but I'd be doing to her what she did to me for all these months, and I wanted to show that I was above that. I'll try my best not to dwell on it.

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 22, 2007, 09:01 AM

I'm curious though blaze, how did she even find you on MSN messenger? Surely she knew who she was IM'ing from the email address or contact name which is stored there.

Oh well, perhaps best not to dwell... You have done well my son!

BlazingCold · Jan 22, 2007, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

I'm curious though blaze, how did she even find you on MSN messenger? Surely she knew who she was IM'ing from the email address or contact name which is stored there.

Oh well, perhaps best not to dwell...You have done well my son!!

I've thought about that as well. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she'd forgotten. For all I know she could have known exactly who I was and played dumb on purpose to see if I would say anything.

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 22, 2007, 09:07 AM

Originally Posted by BlazingCold

I've thought about that as well. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she'd forgotten. For all I know she could have known exactly who I was and played dumb on purpose to see if I would say anything.

Hmmmmm...

Sounds fishy to me but best not to read into it I guess. It interests me how she felt the need to say that so much is happening in her life and then says that it is best not to talk about it because it would hurt her and you. I think there is another thread here somewhere about games and I wonder if that is what it was all about yet you did not take the bait...

I may be wrong though!

BlazingCold · Jan 22, 2007, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

hmmmmm....

Sounds fishy to me but best not to read into it I guess.

That's how I'm going to play it. I have other things of more pressing concern than her at the moment.

momincali · Jan 22, 2007, 02:23 PM

I'm with Geoff on this one, she's playing the part.

chuff · Jan 22, 2007, 04:10 PM

Congratulations!! You broke her. She came back to you. As you say she found out othes were interested and saw that you had value.

Even better is that you say you realize now that it doesn't matter if you never speak with her again. You have proven to yourself that you are stronger than her and able to overcome the feelings of loss. You have proven you have tremendous strength in reserve that's there when you need it.

Originally Posted by BlazingCold

I was on Yahoo messenger when she sends me an im asking me who I was (we didn't chat often on im). .

How cute of her to play dumb as to take all the pressure off herself. And she was playing dumb because...

Originally Posted by BlazingCold

When I told her, she was kinds shocked, but didn't leave like I thought she would. We had a civil chat, although she said she felt awkward talking to me again (I gave her an out, but she didn't take it). .

So she had an out and didn't take it. She wanted to talk with you BC! My only question is I wonder how long she's looked at that messenger and thought about doing what she did before she did it?

Congratulations once again.

ForeverZero · Jan 22, 2007, 04:15 PM

I'm jealous

Skell · Jan 22, 2007, 04:16 PM

Well done Blazing. Really good to hear your feeling that way.

As has everyone I have followed your threads so close form the beginning that it is so great to hear you feeling good about yourself.

Well done!

Keep it up!

BlazingCold · Jan 22, 2007, 07:12 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Congradulations!!! You broke her. She came back to you. As you say she found out othes were interested and saw that you had value.

Even better is that you say you realize now that it doesn't matter if you never speak with her again. You have proven to yourself that you are stronger than her and able to overcome the feelings of loss. You have proven you have tremendous strength in reserve that's there when you need it.

How cute of her to play dumb as to take all the pressure off herself. And she was playing dumb because......

So she had an out and didn't take it. She wanted to talk with you BC! My only question is I wonder how long she's looked at that messanger and thought about doing what she did before she did it?

Congradulations once again.

I can't say that I "broke" her. I went into NC, sent one Happy New Year's message, and then got on with my life. She just happened to IM me, wondering who I was (I take it she doesn't remember my screen name, but we rarely spoke over IM). She couldn't know that I've found other women, as it happened several days before she came back(As an aside, we became a couple that same night! The universe works in mysterious ways!)

You are right on one thing: It doesn't matter if I never spoke to her again, although it would be a shame.

Do you really think she played dumb on purpose? I gave her an out (asking her directly to leave since she felt awkward) but she chose not to take it. Take that however you want.

BlazingCold · Jan 22, 2007, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

I'm jealous

I could name several people on this site that I would prefer this happen to rather than myself, you included. Don't worry, life has a funny way of working itself out. By staying positive, positive things will happen to you.

Skell · Jan 22, 2007, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by BlazingCold

Do you really think she played dumb on purpose? I gave her an out (asking her directly to leave since she felt awkward) but she chose not to take it. Take that however you want.

Blazing,

Please lets not turn a positive thread into one where we analyse things she is doing and thinking.

I know curiosity is a powerful emotion but quite frankly no one knows why she did anything. Only her.

You don't, I don't, no one does except her.

So lets not even worry about that.

Lets just be glad that you are feeling good about yourself and continue to focus on you OK?

chuff · Jan 22, 2007, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by Skell

Blazing,

Please lets not turn a positive thread into one where we analyse things she is doing and thinking.

I know curiosity is a powerful emotion but quite frankly no one knows why she did anything. Only her.

You dont, i dont, no one does except her.

So lets not even worry about that.

lets just be glad that you are feeling good about yourself and continue to focus on you ok?

I'm sorry Blazing. I agree with Skell. But I'm sorry because I didn't mean for you to start thinking too much about this. She contacted you and that's all that matters. You overcame that part of your life and enjoy it. Hell celebrate it. Don't go backwards into the emotional analysing thing. Your doing great and this should be something that give you more momentum for the future.