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oopie1972 · Mar 11, 2011, 10:23 AM

Wondergirl · Mar 11, 2011, 10:25 AM

Does she live with you (you are the dad?)? What are her reasons for not wanting to see you?

oopie1972 · Mar 11, 2011, 10:35 AM

I did'nt get to explain. She was babtized at 13 yrs old. Unusually young. I used to be one myself, married at 18 to her dad and was married for 8 years. I also have an 18 year old daughter who left the religion and he disown her senior year in high school. Never showed up to her graduation, calling her names like fornicator and such while she was still pure. She wanted to leave and move in with me because she felt the religion was just too much for her. Anyhow, back to my youngest, now 14. She moved out last summer and I haven't seen or heard from her since. In the religion, they tell you that " you may lose one mother but you gain many more within the congregation". That what they told me, when I married their Dad. I did not have anything to do with my own mother for 8 years the whole marriage because she was disfellowshipped. She could not be present at the birth of my children or any special things in my life and she lived 15 minutes from me. My youngest lives 3 miles from me. My ex husband has asked me to relinquish custody and child support in January of this year stating that she wants nothing more to do with me so why hold on. This is killing me. I am watching her grow up through pictures that the school posts on Facebook. What more can I do?

oopie1972 · Mar 11, 2011, 10:36 AM

I am the mom, sorry I didn't get to clarify.

Wondergirl · Mar 11, 2011, 11:22 AM

First, I wouldn't relinquish anything -- and I don't think you can anyway, unless an adoption is in the wind.

Let me make sure I understand.

1) You and the girl's father were married, but are not married now?

2) He is a JW, and you used to be, but you left that church?

3) Why does your daughter refuse to see you -- because you are no longer a Witness?

4) Your daughter lives with her father?

oopie1972 · Mar 11, 2011, 01:40 PM

We were married 8 years and have been divorced since 1999. He is remarrried to a very controlling woman.
2.) I left the church at the time of the divorce.
3.) She refuses to see me because I am disfellowshipped (no longer in the church) and I am living with my fiancé, not married. We have been engaged 4 years. That is living in sin in their eyes.
4.)Yes she lives with her dad since last summer, doesn't call me, doesn't accept my calls. They screen my calls. I have sent her cards, left messages, texts and so forth. Her dad says that she doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't even speak to her sister who is at college but who has also tried to call her as well.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 11, 2011, 01:47 PM

At 14, the child may wish not to see you, but can not refuse, the father has a legal obligation to send the child to you on the court visitation times. If not you may take him back to court for contempt.

As for the child, sorry the cult has basically brained washed her, or esp her dad. And this can even be used, if he is using this religion to tell her not to be around you, as a reason to ask for custody to be taken away from him.

450donn · Mar 11, 2011, 03:02 PM

Who has custody? You or the father? IF you have custody, get the law involved and get her out of that cult and into some professional help.

hauntinghelper · Mar 11, 2011, 07:55 PM

This is a heart breaking situation, but FR_Chuck might have a point. At that age, I don't know if it's within her power to deny you that right. DO NOT give into this man... you might be the only real thing left in her life. I say hang on for dear life and get the law involved. He cannot keep you from your child like that.

ScottGem · Mar 11, 2011, 08:10 PM

I moved this to the Family Law forum. While religion plays a part in this, the law trumps religion. If you have legal custody, and the child ran to her father, he is in violation of the court order. While he can file for a change in custody, he can't take over custody until the court approves it.

When she moved out, you should have gone to court and have him cited for contempt of court. You should still try going through the courts.

JudyKayTee · Mar 12, 2011, 08:07 AM

The place to settle this is in Court. I have no idea why it's gone on so long.

I do see a problem with the OP's past behavior concerning this particular religion. OP had no contact with her mother for X number of years because her mother was "disfellowshipped." Now it's turned around and her daughter refuses contact with her. I don't know how much of an impact that info will have on the Court but if it gets that far I'm certain it will be mentioned.

I do know - because every now and then I get involved with Amish people - that when one parent leaves a faith in which the children were raised, embraces (so to speak) another lifestyle, this does not bode well for the parent who left the lifestyle when it comes to visitation/custody.

My other concern is that a petition was not immediately filed with the Courts.

If the daughter simply fled the custodial parent then the Courts have to get involved. However, if the daughter is 14 and the clergy gets involved I can see this not turning out well for the OP.

Sad all the way around but I think OP has to look at all the options (including simply holding on and waiting for the daughter to contact her).

If the OP decides to go to Court with this she's going to need a very experienced Attorney.