[Nut86]

I apologise in advance for the length of this write-up.

I have been with my fiancée for 6 years, been engaged for 5 years. In Jan this year he told me that he wanted to go on a boys holiday to Cancun for Spring Break and that if I didn't let him he would break up with me. We had a big row and it hurt me so much to know that a holiday meant more to him than me.

We had a big row and didn't speak for a week. During that week he booked a holiday to Cancun and I didn't know about it. A few days after I told him that I'm allowing him to go to cancun and that I do trust him. ( forgot to mention he went to Cancun on Springbreak last year. 2010 with lads).

We were getting on again and in Feb he told me that he booked his holiday. He had all of his holiday correspondence letters delivered to his mum, made up excuses for me not to drop him at airport. Cried like a baby on the day he had to fly and would not stop crying and telling me he loved me so much.
All of this made me suspicious.

When he arrived in cancun he rung me and told me he was staying in the same hotel as he did the year before. Me being a woman and having this sick feeling in my gut, rung the hotel he claimed to be staying and got told that they had not checked in there.

I had a feeling he was staying at an adults only resort which is known to be very popular foe Swingers. I knew of this hotel as had previously researched it when I wanted to go on hols. Basically 75% of women are naked/ topless is this resort. They have provocative/sexy games played throughout the day and night.

Anyway, I rung the adults only hotel and BINGO... he had checked in there. Inspector Gadget here got reception to transfer call to his room and boy was he shocked to hear my voice. I told him it's over and that he's a f-ing liar and called him every name under the sun.

He wouldn't stop crying on the phone and told me that he booked that resort when we had that fall out in January and regretted it when I later told him he could go. He said that he tried changing resort and selling his holiday but had no luck.

He said he wanted to tell me and by lying wasn't making this any easier.

I feel so betrayed, cheated, hurt and so on. I've not as much looked at another guy in the past 6 years. I disowned my family for a year just so I could be with him. I've given him everything possible apart from my blood.

I am so hurt, I don't want to be with him anymore but at the same time I love him so much it kills me.I cry myself to sleep, I can't eat, sleep or function properly. He's out in Mexico now. He Rings me twice a day telling me how much he wants to come home and that he regretts the holiday so much.
He keeps saying that he's blown his only chance of ever being happy on life. He keeps talking about he's going to kill himself.

I don't think I can ever trust him. What do I do. Please someone advice me.

[amicon]

I'm sorry for you pain.
Once the trust is gone,and I can see why you wouldn't want to trust him again,it is tough to try and rebuild it.

He is emotionally blackmailing you,can you see that?
Unless you let him go on this holiday,he's going to break up with you?!
And now he keeps talking about killing himself?!
More of the same.

And I don't buy not being able to sell/change the holiday-this being such a popular resort wouldn't his ticket have been snapped up the minute he tried to sell it?

Red flags all over the place.

I would stop taking his calls and give yourself some space to think about what you really want-not right here right now,but in the years to come.

[Wondergirl]

I'm with amicon. The trust is gone. NC and, meanwhile, be kind to yourself. Vent here, if that helps.

[talaniman]

There is nothing more you can do but cry and get through the pain, and then heal, and explore your new single life... when you are ready.

[vanheart]

No Contact!!

Now & for forever.

He lost that right to be in contact when he made that decision.

Let him live with himself & you move on. Sucks royally, I know.

Same kind of thing for me, after 5 years. Like a stake through your inner being.

Its going to take time. But NC is the only way.

Were here to see you through it.. Vent away.

The good thing is now, you know he wasn't the one.