[naurnaur]

AoA Brother
My husband gave me first divorce verbally when we were fighting and having an intense argument. After 2 days we were back together and having normal relationship. Then after a month again while we were fighting he gave me 2nd divorce verbally out of anger. We both have temper issues and say things to each other which we don't mean and just out of argument and due to lack of anger control we say bad things to each other
Now after 4 months he gave me third divorce. But we both don't want it and really regret it. We both have realized it's consequences. We have a daughter too.
Is there any way this divorce can be invalid in Islam? I want a detailed answer. Allah dislikes most divorce. Is there any solution to our problem? Looking forward to your reply as soon as possible.

[bluefairy_nebul]

Assalamu alaikum,

Taken from islam-qa site:

If it is mild anger and does not affect his will or choice, then the divorce takes effect and is valid.

If the anger is so intense that he does not know or realize what he is saying, then this divorce does not count, because he is like one who is insane, who is not to be taken to task for what he says.

For detail please see the following links:

Islam Question and Answer - He issued the third talaaq (divorce) and claims that he was angry

Islam Question and Answer - Insinuating thoughts (waswaas) of divorce

Hope this helps.

[AbuBakr_Fin]

As we pray in last Ayah of Al-Baqarah, it was already promised by Allaah to His Rasuul -sAaws- that He forgave us our mistakes we make due to forgetfulness and accidentally. In the tafsiirs of that Ayah you can learn more about it. Basically an `accident` in that context is said to refer to intending to do a good deed, but resulting into other than what was intended. This is what is meant by an accidental mistake. You can find that in the `Tayseer Kaariim Ar-Rahmaan fii tafsiir Kalaam Al-Mannaan`. And we have the well-known authentic Hadiith that all actions are accounted for according to intention (innama al-a`maalu bi an-niyaat.. ) So if his intention was only to threaten you with divorce if you disobey him for example -and Allaah knows his intention and the matter is for Him to judge in the end- or his intention was to say that it`s so difficult for him that he fears that you will end up in a divorce or that he is so sad that he sees it as a solution, then obviously it is an accident, isn`t it?
Otherwise he has divorced you, and it`s no accident. Allaah knows the intention, and Allaah knows what he was telling you. Also Allaah knows if he was so angry that he was in a psychosis and doesn`t even remember what he said, then yes it`s not valid due to his pen being lifted at that time, but in that case he should seek medical attention. Today are good spychiatrists and good medications that can help a person know what`s wrong with him mentally and clear his mind and live according to better abitily. A man who is fighting like that with his wife should consider if it`s a healthy and safe environment for the child to have to grow in.

[AbuBakr_Fin]

I`m sorry, I meant: "live according to better capability". And by healthy and safe environment I most of all mean mentally, because parents fighting isn`t something normal and it`s not a loving atmosphere, and the child is getting traumas and can be incapable due to it to have proper relationships in the future. Without sobr Allaah is not with you, but Shaitan is. And may Allah preserve you and ease your distress. Wa aleikumus-Salaam.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will not address the religious issues on this, but it sounds like a very "intense" relationship and anger is causing this, and I will assume a lot of other issues also. A exciting roller coaster ride of emotions.

Have you spoken and considered counseling to help with anger issues