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buzzerb · Mar 2, 2011, 02:26 PM

I have been with my girlfriend now for nearly 10 months, however this last week its as if she is a different person and doesn't think she wants to be in a relationship, thlast 9 months have been amazing and we have this amazing connection and chemistry, we have done a lot together, she has 2 children from a previous relationship, but he lied and cheated on her, maybe we happened too quickly but she said she couldn't have moved on this quickly with anyone else, we had something about 16-17 years ago which I never told her how I felt then, now I can't bare to be without her but she has just seemed to have put up a barrier and just said she wants to spend time on her own with the kids, I don't know what to think or do I can't bare not talking to her I am in so much pain thinking that I could lose her. She said she needs time to think about things but I think I am just delaying the inevitable.

ken007nielsen · Mar 2, 2011, 05:06 PM

Your still in a relationship until it's over. And by being scared, you can come off as needy clingy all sort's of bad things that's only going to make it harder for you to stay with her.

She tells you she wants some time with the kids without you, the best thing you can do then is to give her that time and let her come to you.

Let her only see you in a positive way, so give her the space she want's and concentrate on your own life, you know enjoy the good times with friends/family something that makes you happy..

talaniman · Mar 2, 2011, 08:48 PM

Stop delaying the inevitable then, and give her what she wants, time and space with her kids.

buzzerb · Mar 3, 2011, 05:00 AM

I really hope she sees all the good we have in our relationship and can continue. If it means taking a step back then I think that is the right thing to do. Not sure if her seeing me and the kids having such a fantastic bond has helped though? Does she get jealous? No need to be, I have a lot of questions. Lets just hope that with time she will understand that she has someone that really does love her and would do anything for her. Is there anything I can say or do that will help?

buzzerb · Mar 4, 2011, 02:50 AM

Been with my girlfriend for 10 months, she split up about 6 months previous with 2 children involved, we clicked from the start it was fantastic we talked aboout the future and everything together, boy did I really buy into that. We have a past from 16/17 years ago where I was left hurt, I was reluctant to meet up with her again but did so after a long chase by her.

But after she was forced to move out of her rented house to another, she has been different and I put it down to the stress of the move etc. But now in the last week she has just put a barrier up saying she wants time with her and the kids, and to think about things, I have done nothing wrong but feel I am not getting the answers I need.

I am so frustrated it is effecting everything about me.

talaniman · Mar 4, 2011, 03:08 PM

Expecting different answers by starting a new thread? Not likely, but if you want more feedback, supply more input.

What part of leave her alone and let the dust settle while you regroup, and rebuild are you missing. Even if she gave you a different answer, I doubt you would understand in the emotional state your in. She wants to be with her kids, which translates to not with you.

She was being nice, so take the hint and do as she says, give her and her kids some space.

buzzerb · Mar 5, 2011, 12:07 AM

I know I need to give her time and space with the kids, but I just feel like she has put this barrier up and doesn't seem to want to answer any of my questions, I could understand if either of us had done something wrong but if it was over I would rather have a straight that's it its over, but I think she still loves me, I know she has issue from before I have never said and thought she wouldn't, we normally sat and talked about it, but why the barrier? Is she honestly thinking about it?

emopunk7 · Mar 8, 2011, 11:54 AM

So you already know that you need to leave her alone. Still you ask questions. I'm not sure if anybody here likes psychology, but I feel that asking questions provides an emotional outlet. It feels good.to believe that you can ask any question and know that there will be an answer. The problem is that the answer comes back in the form of written words here that tell YOU how to do something. Some people don't want this. They want the person providing the answer to fix everything. The answerer may then be seen as a God in a way. Nonetheless, it is relieving.

buzzerb · Mar 9, 2011, 05:09 AM

Ok, I know I have not listened to anyone, but we have talked and she has told me she isn't ready to be a relationship at the moment, she is really sorry and upset by it all, after chatting to her about it all, she said she wants to stay friends and for me to see her and her children as friends, I have thought long and hard about it all, and know I should prob have a clean break, but she has become a great friend as well as a girlfriend, I think I am going to try the friendship bit, but how can I deal with any emmotional setbacks I have to deal with?

amicon · Mar 9, 2011, 06:31 AM

If that's the path you choose you have to deal with whatever setbacks as they happen and really learn how to separate false hope from reality.

My advice to you is go for a clean break,less confusion,less pain and a quicker healing.

talaniman · Mar 9, 2011, 01:38 PM

I think you do better with a clean break. And a proper healing, so you can be a real friend, and better able to deal with the emotional setbacks this friendship may bring.

Until then my friend, you will be a lousy friend, and not deal with the emotional setback you find yourself in NOW!! Simple fact is you are in denial, of your rejection, and have no healthy life that makes you happy without her in your life. Get one, and heal properly, not just feel better, but truly be better. Then you can be a good friend, and not an unhealthy one.