[steve_malibu]

Me and my girlfriend have been with each for on an off 2 an half years. We spend a lot of time with each other and share lots of things in common, our relationship bar a few issues was extremely healthy, we both love each other, care for each other, both faithful and have lots of laughs, she's my best friend. We've broken up a few times not for long though seems almost bipolar, I go through a bad time and don't want to be with her, few days time were together and same with her. We have been on 3 major holidays and enjoyed all of them an got lots of things that remind each other of us. We talked about growing up together and future plans, we talked form the heart an mean it. With her career she may have to move away at the end of the year and thinks its best if we break up. It's a shock and I hate the fact of breaking up. She doesn't not love me, and nothing has gone wrong, just she says she wants space thing is, she isn't the srt of person that actaully wants space, I know her. She doenst like breaks and we have boken up I kills me that I have no say other than to try and get along with her decision. It feels like I have lost half of me, I have talked to her but don't want to pester her, she seems strong and serious that it is the right thing. It isn't we're great together. I want to be with her more than anything else. The only thing I think I can do is give her her space. No one else measure up to her, I don't want to be with anyone else. I believe I have found the one but she doenst want to be with me right now.

Can anybody give me some info, cheer me up, give me some stats, some general . Psychology, some life experience.

[JoeCanada76]

First: Break, is a break. That means it is not working.

Second: No one can measure up, you do not know this now. That statement is False.

Third: There are plenty of fish in the sea. You might not find the one right away but there will always be somebody that fits you, might not be the same way but it will happen.

Fourth: On and off, Breaks and so much more. Her being serious. If she says it's a break it is a break. That reality has not hit you yet, but you have to face it sometime.

Fifth: You need to get out and live life for yourself. Think about enjoying your life and your time. Do not sit on you butt and let life past you by, because your going to regret later in life.

Sixth: It is up to you if you want to wallow in self pity, but to put her up in a pedestal like that is only going to cause problems. You saying no one else can measure up. Is there not anything you do without this girl?

Seventh: Give her the space. Real space. The no contact rule. Stop hounding her because if you truly want her to miss you and you truly want to have another chanch with this girl then what you need to do is stop calling her, stop emailing her, stop writing her, stop seeing her.

Joe

[talaniman]

Join the club my friend, nearly everyone here has the same story you do, and it will take time but you will have plenty of that so, GIVE her what she asked for, no calling no email, no phone calls, Get you a life that you enjoy without her.

[steve_malibu]

She hasn't asked me not to call, email or see her. She said she still loves me just it is the best thing. It is totally unlike her which worries me. I can hold my space that will be okay I think - ill post how I get on but we know each other backwards an it seems like she's flipped an its taking affect on me. She is my rock an really special to me, many people may talk about another girl on these forums but this was more. I'm fit good sportsman, still exercisin, got good career good mates behind me, thought everythin was good, really in my comfort zone. As I said she isn't the sort of person that wants space, more to make a point, this seems to far though?

The best thing to happen to me is that we make up an sort stuff out. She can't deny it is the best thing but she wants space?

Any ideas?

[Wildcat21]

Yes - cut all contact for 2 months. Give her space. Fix you.

No calls, no returned e-mails nothing.

[chuff]

she hasnt asked me not to call, email or see her. she said she still loves me just it is the best thing. it is totally unlike her which worries me.

She may not have asked, but don't contact her at all.

she is my rock

You are your own rock. This might be hard on you but you still have everything you had before she came into your life and even though you can't see it now, it will be there when the pain wears off.

many ppl may talk jus about another girl on these forums but this was more

Sorry Steve, and I speak from someone that's said the same things to people when I've just had a break up, saying to others that you can't understand what we had was different. Well I and everybody else here can understand what it's like. But when I've got over the pain I've looked back and realized that it was another woman who would not have lasted a lifetime like I thought she would. Emotions cloud judgement.

im fit good sportsman, still exercisin, got good career good mates behind me, thought everythin was good, really in my comfort zone.

But that's just it. Your in a comfort zone. That's why she seemed so perfect. Everything else in your life came together and she happened to be apart of it when it did.

The best thing to happen to me is that we make up an sort stuff out. she can't deny it is the best thing but she wants space?

Any ideas?

Truthfully it sounds like she's dumping you and doing it in steps. First the "break" which is another word for dumping anyway, then the line coming in the next month or two, "I'm not ready for a relationship now, but I want to remain friends. Really good friends." I think you need to snap out of denial and accept this is over.

[ForeverZero]

I'll be example number 3409823409204823094. Same story. Don't pester her, let her do her thing and hope for the best. I didn't do that and I lost mine.

[s_cianci]

Give her the space she says she needs. Move on with your life. Get busy and be involved. I know it seems hard at first but you'll find that there is life outside of her. Others will tell you that a woman is only part of your life, not your life. Putting too much importance in a relationship is a recipe for heartbreak. Do the things that you enjoy. Take up some new interests and "dust off" some old ones. Work on you. You're the most important person in your life. Treat yourself accordingly.

[bluehighlighter]

I will say I am the type of person who needs their space. To me from what you wrote it doesn't sound like she is breaking up with u. it sounds like she plain and simple needs her space. I say you definitely should wait for her to contact you. When she figures things out in her head she will hopefully call and explain everything if she really loves you. If she is dumping you she won't contact you ever, but I believe if you give her the space she needs to think she will appreciate it more than anything and eventually come back.

[ForeverZero]

Make no mistake, giving her space will not necessarily bring her back. But there's one thing I've never ever ever ever ever seen in any of these threads, and I've read through about 30 of them on these boards. I'VE NEVER SEEN NAGGING AND PESTERING ACTUALLY BRING THEM BACK.

[Wildcat21]

YEP!! Disappear!! Disappear!! For at least 2 months... more like 3 +.

I've helped several get them back here, but the ones that don't uually screw it up or already have screwed it up.

Going forward, when someone wants a break disappear, IF you don't bother them or even call once, no text - 9 out 10 times they even call you in a couple days.

You have to be cool about it. Move on. Or have them think you have moved on.

But yes - begging, constant contact - never works - ever.

Disappear!! For the love of god disappear!!

Work on yourself!

[momincali]

Steve, listen to these guys, they know the biz of the break-up world. They have been there done that. I know you may think your relationship was like no other, and even if that's true, the same rules still apply. If she said she doesn't want to be with you right now, than grant her that wish.

Make like a tree and leaf...

Seriously, respect her wishes, leave her alone, no contact of any kind for any reason.

[ForeverZero]

Make like a tree and leaf...

I believe the expression you're looking for is:

"Make like a tree and get the hell out of here!"

[steve_malibu]

thanks to all those responding to my question, it really helping, hearing all of the info you have to say, and I'm doing just that, and starting to change my emotion already. At first it was a shock form nowhere - caught me offguard, but onw I'm taking the hit and rising back. Got lots of things to do which is good.

one thing though, is it wrong or unordinary that if I find out she has met someone else to never want to know here ever again. See I'm a sort of all or nothing person plus here's 2 things I left out, she's my first girlfriend and we've broken up before, I broke up with her an she found someone else within 2weeks it completely F'ed me off so I ignored her for 5months, didn't want to see her, talk, contact, anything as if she were deleted. The relationship didn't work out and after I arrived back form a trip she called me to make a mend of a friendship = all emotions ran back an within the week we were back and she apologised for everythin she had ever done we lived hapily for a yr. if she finds anyone else this time. I would quite happily never want to see or hear from her ever again in my life - on the flipsyde if she was prepared to make it work with some time we both know it would be amazin? An I F'ed up or what?

My mate's are like ye go out get another girl, get a few, play the field, but id rather not, simply because its not in my interest.

I know its probably a chore reading my problems but all you out there are really making a difference thanks a lot. Steve

[momincali]

Steve, you don't have to play the field, you don't even have to get a new girl, just get...

Go on, don't look back. You've broken up before and got back, do you really want a repeat of the same?? You're not a yo-yo!

[Wildcat21]

Hmmmm - see so it worked before. Leave her alone.

Work on yourself. Go out and have fun. New hobbies. Get to the freaking gym!!

[steve_malibu]

Steve, you don't have to play the field, you don't even have to get a new girl, just get...!

Just get?

[momincali]

Just get means just get going, move, don't stay still...

[steve_malibu]

She called me the other day, I wasn't here. I'm thinking one of three things, good, bad or saying hi. If its bad I would rather not know - although I'm pretty sure it isn't from experience with her. If she's calling to say hi, then I'm on her mind or she's playing mind games prehaps, if its good then I don't want to take her back to easily for all the hurt she initially caused me.. .

Any thoughts you guys, I'm thinking not to return the call - what's happening here?

Answers, answers, answer.. . thanks

[rol]

Yes don't return the call! Read wildcats advice , no contact for 3 months, GET YOURSELF BACK!!