[mom2001]

Hi there,
My son started a new school in Nov.2010. Since he started there he was bullied and taunted, I brought it to the schools attention and even went as far as moving my sons bustop so the boy wouldn't be doing this to my son.
A few weeks later the boy did something else to my son, The school did not call me or work with me to get a handle on the problem, A week ago or so the principal had my son in her office and asked my son if he was taking Riddlen or if had missed his dose, Secondly she opened his file and listed off all the times he had been introuble in the past, for nothing major... I was so saddened when my son came home to tell me what she had done to him. Also her son is in my sons class and the principals son told other student not to play with my boy. I set up a meeting with the teacher and principal and after 5 minutes she ended the meeting and did not give any answers to what she did. My question is,. is it wrong what she did and how she did it? She has all my contact information if she had any further questions. Why would someone ask a 9 yr old something like that and proceed to tell a child that they are bad, I contacted the school board with no avail.

What options do I have as my son is dredding going to school?

Thanks a concerned parent.

[ballengerb1]

There are many parents and several educators here and most will say we can't give much advice because we are only hearing one side of the story. I do not say this to be hurtful but I need to put part of your story in perspective. Your son has been in this school for a little over 3 months. The average student would not have even one discipline report in this time frame. How did he do in his last school, how many dententions and/or suspensions are on their list?

[mom2001]

Hi there

He has not had any other issues inregards to detentions or being in trouble, he is a busy well rounded little boy. I had to change his bus stop the 6 day of starting there. A bus patroler was calling him names and putting his hands on my sons bottom as my son was getting on the bus each morning. I brought it to the school and bus drivers and teachers attention. This boy has gottan other kids to call my son names as well. (Fatty patty) (faggot) (Retard)

The principal has not called me or gotten intouch with me. I demanded a meeting because my son was not wanting to go to school. Because of this. She had my son in her office and asked him why he was being such a wimp. She asked my son if he missed his riddlen medication... what person in authority would ask a child that? Why not check his record or get in touch with me? Also went on to open his file and proceeded to tell him she thought he was a very bad little boy. The boy in question doing the bullying has had many issues and detentions and suspensions. I went to speak with the principal this morning, and she stated that she has more important issues to deal with at the school, I asked why she waited 2.5 months to get in touch with me. And I asked why she would tell my son he was a very bad little boy. And whay she would ask him if he missed a dose of medication. Which he does not take . My son has been assessed and my doctor feels he is happy healthy and not in need of any medication.

After speaking with her for 5 minutes she ended the meeting. My sons teacher was there and did in fact remind the principal that she herself has brought these things to her attention... thats when she said the meeting is over and said she doesn't wish to deal with this any further.

My sons teacher did agree that the matter was handled poorly and that she did in fact let the principal know what was going on.

That's the jist of what's going on.

Thanks

[Wondergirl]

Many of these children probably have been in school together since the beginning, so it's very difficult for a new student to break into the ranks of friendship and even just be accepted.

Since we don't know the school's/principal's side of this and don't know the politics involved, it's hard to make a determination as to where the truth is. (I'm not accusing you of anything; we just don't have both sides.)

The children won't stop bullying your son, even if adults step in. The children will always find ways to torment a weaker child.

Time will help everyone get used to your son's face and presence. What he can do meanwhile is be very strong and take back his power. If anyone picks on him or teases him, he should agree and not act upset or angry or begin crying. That's what bullies look for and want to see, the weaker child collapsing under their power. (That gives the bullies power, and many of them need that power because they themselves are weak, but don't want anyone to know it.)

Don't give your son psychological information about bullies really being weak. He will probably blurt this out and make things even worse for himself. Instead, he should agree and go along with the teasing and help make a joke of himself. It should be an award winning performance, so practice and role play with him at home to prepare him. He should not get into a pushing or hitting match with anyone, though.

Bully: Timmy is a baby. Wah wah wah!
Timmy [laughing]: Hahahahahahaha wah wah wah boo hoo hoo
Bully: Timmy is as fat and ugly as a pig.
Timmy: Hahahahahahaha snort snort snort hahahahaha

Another thing you can do is call a bully's mom and invite the child over to play for a few hours. Have concrete, involved activities to do such as bowling or miniature golf or a skateboarding lesson from someone who knows tricks. Also have snacks and drinks available sometime during the get-together. This will give your son the opportunity to play host and to cooperate with the bully and the bully with him.

[grammadidi]

I don't know where you live, whether your son has any special needs or if you are fully aware of his behaviors or not so it's difficult to respond.

If you are in the States, then I would suggest you visit the Wrightslaw website. While the site is geared towards special education law and advocacy, you can still learn a great deal there in how to proceed. I am mainly familiar with the Canadian education system and laws.

Even if your son is very poorly behaved, I do not believe the principal has the right to victimize your son, nor does any other student. However, if your son is acting out (even if it's not serious stuff) or disrupting the class, then the other students may pick on him and MANY parents may advise their children not to play with him. I also agree with Wondergirl that the more your son allows it to get to him, the more it will occur.

Regardless, the principal is a professional and has to act accordingly. If you truly feel that your son was abused by the principal then you should file a formal complaint. Otherwise, I would suggest that you find someone who is calm, well-spoken, a good listener and who knows your son and ask if they will come to a meeting with the principal with you to help you to advocate for your son. Mainly they will be there to listen, make notes and keep you calm while you try to resolve your issues with the school. Once you have someone to help you, request a half-hour to one hour meeting with the principal and tell them that you would like to discuss your son's problems and you will be bringing someone in to take notes for you because you have difficulty with that.

Remember, you don't want to attack the principal. You want to problem-solve together. You want the two of you to be open-minded and actually work together to resolve some problems. While you are in the meeting you can tell the principal that you really had a hard time with him asking your son about Ritalin. On the other hand, you might want to be open to the fact that your son is not as innocent in this as you might think! :)

I wonder if it might help to request if you can be a classroom observer for a few days? At any rate, you will have notes from the meeting, a witness to anything untoward and a third party to give you their perspective on things. That will give you a better idea on where to go next. I would arrange a signal from your 'note-taker' so that if you are getting tense (voice rising, reacting instead of hearing, etc.) the signal can be given... a touch or a cough perhaps... to help you to calm down and listen.

You might want to visit the library and get some books on bullying for both you and your son. Then you can spend 30 or 40 minutes reading his with him before bedtime and discussing different techniques/skills that might help him. In the morning before school, give him a little reminder and you might want to reward him for days he doesn't allow himself to get caught up in the bullying.

Hopefully these few things will serve as a start to resolving the situation. Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

[andyopreshyn]

Sorry for your trouble. I am having a similar problem. Very abusive prinicpal and she mentally abused my son and humiliated him in front of the class. I have gone as far as the school board and no one will listen. In an attempt to shut me up they threatened to send child welfare after me because I exercised my parental and legal rights when I pulled him out of school.