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FPM0200 · Feb 7, 2011, 08:14 PM

My Mom just died and the same day, my dad started emptying everything out of the house. He's throwing away most of it and donating some to a charity he knows Mom disliked. He's even getting rid of all the food because Mom always cooked. It's like he wants to erase her existence. I tried talking to him and he says he has to "organize" everything and it keeps him busy. It is very upsetting, esp. to my oldest son who was very close to his Grandma. Dad threw away the pictures my son made, photos, EVERYTHING. When my Mom was alive, she always said that he couldn't wait for her to die so he could get rid of all the "junk". Dad tried to convice everyone my mom was crazy. Now he is proving that she was right all along and HE'S the crazy one. I hardly have anything from the house, but I want to go and get what I can from what little is left and never speak to him again. I'd always wished he would have died first, and this is one of the biggest reasons. Why can't he even wait until after the service (no funeral, just calling hours at the funeral home)?

Alty · Feb 7, 2011, 08:32 PM

Everyone handles grief differently, but I'm really surprised that he's throwing out things like pictures that your son made. He could at least ask you if there's anything you'd like to keep for memory sake.

Is he aware that you're upset about this? Have you told him that this is hurting you?

He may be too grief stricken to think about how this may affect you. Talk to him. Tell him that you would like to be there, to see if there's anything he may not want that is special to you.

Don't write him off. He is your dad. Sometimes people can't see through their own pain and see that others are hurting too.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 7, 2011, 08:45 PM

Agree, people do strange ( often very strange things) to deal with the death of others. Mom when dad dies, blamed the home he was at for him dying, she felt he should not have died so it was someone's fault. And became hateful to a wonderful place and some great people who loved and cared for dad.

My one son refused to go to his moms funeral or even talk about her death, as far as I know he never has to this day.

So he may be doing what he always wanted, if she was real controlling, or he may be wanting to clear the home since he can not bear the sight and thought of things.

Alty · Feb 7, 2011, 10:22 PM

FPM0200 does not find this helpful : You don't seem to understand. My dad was very abusive toward my mother for most of their marriage. They did not even sleep on the same floor of the house for the last 23 years (they were married for 57). While I know he has feelings for her, I don't

I'm sorry, my crystal ball is in the shop, so I wasn't aware of all the information you left out of your original post.

I based my post on the information you did provide.

I would like to point out the rules of this site. Reddies (unhelpful ratings) are for factually incorrect posts only, not for opinion. My post was based on opinion, and based on the information you provided.

I will unsubscribe from this thread.

I'm sorry for your loss and wish you all the best.