[Mariko_86]

I know his name was Richard Baskerville and at the time when my mother was dating him he lived in Washington, DC. In the 80's and worked as a postal employee. He came to visit me one time that I know about when I was three never to be heard from again. My mom isn't sure of his exact age she just knows that he was younger than her and had a daughter that was much older than me. (I am now 24) Please help me. I would really like to get to know my big sister and other siblings that this sperm donor may have fathered. He has family in and around Southampton,Va. That is all that I know anyone knowing anything about this man will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

[JudyKayTee]

I found 60 people with this or a similar name. Younger than your mother is not helpful because I don't know how old she is.

I am concerned about your "sperm donor" comment. Did your mother pursue him for child support? I understand your frustration but if he was a sperm donor your mother was an egg donor - AND you have slandered him on the Internet.

[Mariko_86]

It is not slander if it is true. My mother never set up a case for child support, never needed his money. I wanted to find my sister and he is the go between step to finding her. My mother will be 61 next week and he may have been 5 years younger.

[Mariko_86]

My mother isn't an egg donor, she took care of her responsibilities toward the children she gave life too. He on the other hand did not. I call him a sperm donor because he CHOSE not to have anything to do with me. I can 't really say that is a dad

[JudyKayTee]

Comment on JudyKayTee's post -
It is not slander if it is true. My mother never set up a case for child support, never needed his money. I wanted to find my sister and he is the go between step to finding her. My mother will be 61 next week and he may have been 5 years younger.

In most cases the extra money from the non-custodial parent, whether it's placed in a savings account, used for education or something else, DOES make a difference in a child's life.

No one is saying he isn't a Dad. I AM saying what you have said about him is slander. You obviously don't believe that or know the law better than I do.

Did you mother learn his middle name or initial when she was dating him? I found 11 who fit the age. Of those two are in that exact age bracket.

I hesitate to provide this info because you appear to be quite angry with him, and I am not sure what you plan to do from here.

[Mariko_86]

I am not angry with him in anyway, I don't know the man. Like I said earlier he is only a link to find my half sister which he would know because he used to be married to her mother before my mom dated him.

[Mariko_86]

My mom doesn't remember anything else about him that would help move the process along quicker. And about the comment about getting money from him would make a difference in a child's life isn't always true. I am living proof of that.

[Mariko_86]

I have a B.A. in Psychology and didn't use a dime of his money or hers for that matter to get what I wanted, of course she provided what I needed and that was quite enough.

[Mariko_86]

I don't understand why you would think I want to do something to him, I just want to ask him a question. I am 24, almost 25, this man doesn't want anything to do with me which is clear to the world and I can't get help to find my sister.

[Mariko_86]

I don't care about the man, that's obvious to anyone, but how can you care for someone you don't know. I just want to have a relationship with my older half sibling because she and I are innocent to him and my mom.

[Mariko_86]

I can tell you what I do hate MS. Judy Kay Tee, I hate when adults don't know how to put their differences aside for the sake of their children. My mother could have clearly done more when he was coming around to find him. But she chose not to.

[Mariko_86]

He is obviously mad at her for whatever reason, to stop coming to see me after only three years of being alive. My mom never said anything bad about him to me, my aunts have seen him recently when he came down for a funeral and the way the talked.

[Mariko_86]

He could obiviously care less if I am even alive. I lived in the same house he used to date my mom in, for 23 years. He didn't bother to stop by to even see what I turned out to be like. I am about to get married in a year.

[Mariko_86]

I would love to have my only sibling to be in attendance at my wedding. So if you won't help me find him because of him do it for the love I have for a sister I have never even met, which sad to say probably doesn't know I exist.

[Mariko_86]

Because her father probably never told her or anyone else that he knows about me. I don't know him, but I know people like him and its no need to sit up here and say I want to find him because I want to connect with him, because I don't.

[Mariko_86]

I just want to contact him to ask him if he knows where I can reach my sister. I don't plan on even speaking to him one on one.(That's even if he chooses to cooperate) oh and thank you for the research that you have done so far.

[JudyKayTee]

Please answer one post with one post - I have no idea what part of my question/answer you are responding to.

If you don't want to connect with him, look for the sister and leave him out of the equation. The sister may very well not wish contact with you or will request DNA testing before she develops a relationship. I am not trying to burst your bubble. I am saying that you have to be realistic.

She is much older than you, you don't think she knows you exist, now you are calling out of the blue and inviting her to your wedding? I can only imagine the shock waves at her house.

There are at least two very similar threads. One was emotionally destructive to the person looking for her "sperm donor" (same words) father. Yes, he (DNA) tested and was her father; no, he wanted no contact, not now, not ever. She also found out things about the relationship between her mother and father that she would have preferred not to know. It can happen.

Does your mother know his middle initial? As I said there are MANY people with his name or a derivative of his name.

And MS Mariko86 - I hate people with attitude because they don't get the response they think they are due.

[Jake2008]

If I read this right, your father was recently in touch with family members, to attend to a funeral. It is quite possible that one of them may know where he is, or, the funeral home may have a record by way of the condolance book. Some list the person visiting, and where they have come from.

Is your father on your birth certificate? Was your grandmother or an aunt perhaps, present at your birth, who would know of his whereabouts now, even if the information is dated.

If he worked for the postal service, if you know the local, why not contact them, or place an enquiry in their organizations postings. There are membership magazines that come out a few times a year that have information on retirements, upcoming events, etc. Perhaps there is a place to make an enquiry, as one would looking for an old workmate.

Have you considered putting an advertisement in the paper, something simple, to say you are looking to contact Richard Baskerville, even if in the paper where this funeral took place that he attended. Maybe consider providing a post office box to keep contact anonymous, which might make anyone replying not have to worry about passing along information.

If you know the name of your older sister, have you done a search on Facebook, or if you know the high school she likely attended, have you checked that.

I think you've probably covered a lot of the obvious, some of which is in my response so far.

But, I am wondering why the need now, to establish contact with your sister. I'm not saying it isn't a good thing, but as Judy said, you have to be prepared. Your father may not have even told her about you. I think with your mother seemingly not providing any help in this search, she is not too keen on you contacting him. Regardless of how you think this may work out (have you thought of that), either way, you will be left with decisions to be made, and it most likely will involve people that would otherwise not have been forced 'out' so to speak.

If he had been willing (and who knows why he wasn't), to be in your life, there would have been some effort on his part, even through perhaps a friend of the family, or a relative of yours. If he chose not to have any contact whatsoever, even out of curiosity, I'd say that even if you do contact him now, he will not wish to pursue any communication with you.

The sister may be a better way to go. As I said, she may not even know you exist, and she could have children of her own. That could open up a whole new world for all of you, but it will most likely involve your father as well. And what is to say that his older daughter, your sister, wouldn't protect his privacy if he was adamant that she not communicate with you.

It could make this rewarding in the beginning to uncover more family, but in the long run, you are taking a gamble that a relationship of any kind will come of it, either with your sister, or your father.

I'm trying to put myself in your position, with my answer. I'm really torn about what I would do, and what I wouldn't do. I can see where either way, this could be a disaster, but there is a chance that something very good can come of it.

Have you considered how things will be for you, should you be shut down, or shut out, when and if you do find either one of them?

[Mariko_86]

Thank you, I have already thought about what if she wouldn't want any part of me because he doesn't. But I can't stand the thought that if she and I have kids they may meet up and not even know they are related

[Mariko_86]

I would look for her only and leave him out but I can't because I don't know anything about her and you have to have at least a name to begin searching.