[NukeNC]

Now, this has been a question that has been beating into my head. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years, and I've noticed over the course of these years that there has been other crushes. Now, although there isn't anybody right now... I know for a fact that my girlfriend has had crushes on other guys in the time we have been together. Now, I began mad... But, I know I've had crushes on other girls while we have been dating. Is this normal for people in long term relationships like us? I mean... We've never cheated or wanted to break up for someone else. Its just a crush. Is it healthy?

[talaniman]

Not only is it normal, it expected. You are human aren't you? Well we have feelings, and we can't help that. What counts is what we do ABOUT those feelings, and that's something that can be controlled, OUR OWN ACTIONS!!

[ken007nielsen]

It's perfectly normal, to get a thing for other girls, especially girls you surround yourself with, the important thing to remember though, that you should never react on such emotions, because while they might seem like a big deal, it's only for a brief duration - and should ask yourself would I chase this, or is what I have good enough? Well 4½ years speak for itself.

Should you choose to follow such emotions, you need to cut your ties with your girlfriend, since cheating is a bad bad thing. And also, people don't really want to date the cheater, because he/she would proberly do it to them also.

Oh ever heard the expression, it's all right to gather appetite when out, aslong as you eat home!

[NukeNC]

Okay. Well, as I said before... This isn't currently happening for me or her. But, I know it has happened on past occasions for both of us. I just wanted to make sure it was normal. So thanks. :)

[JustinRED]

This is normal and perfectly okay as long as you guys don't tell each other about it, that might cause jealousy in the relationship. We are only human, we find others attractive and there is no use pretending that it doesn't happen. There's isnothing wrong with it unless you hurt the person you're with by making them jealous or something worse. Don't feel bad that you find women attractive, it always happens. I have to say, if your girlfriend is making you mad with something like this then that's not cool

[NukeNC]

Well, tonight actually.. Her room mate had started dating a new boyfriend and she was quite annoyed with it telling me "I LIKED HIM FIRST" I told her that it wasn't cool that she said that, and she apologized. I don't know... It did bother me, but I'm just trying to brush off things like that more often.

[KimberCareBear]

How I wish I was smart enough to ask that question when it was happening in my relationship...
My boyfriend and I actually had a crush on the same girl at the same time, a friend of ours that we were hanging out with pretty often. Mine was a lot worse than his, because my boyfriend set up a thing for us and we had sex with each other (he wasn't there or anything). I was thinking about her, fantasizing about her, and it was killing me with guilt because I was frustrated with myself for having those thoughts. And to make it worse, I could tell that my boyfriend had a crush on her too, she's his only friend that's a girl, and I could just tell by the way he acted around her. It bothered me so much, I was having anxiety, self confidence, and trust issues all at the same time. Our relationship suffered from it.

One day I could barely handle it. I was in class, and I spent the whole time just writing how I felt, and why, and what my fears were. I had no intention of showing it to him, but one day we did LSD together. We were in our room by ourselves, and I was overcome with the need to just get it off my chest. I read what I wrote to him, even the bad parts. We both cried, had a big heart to heart, and he admitted his guilt about it too. It was all uphill from there because we both got over it a lot faster after being honest. We just had to be open and honest with each other.

I see that a lot of people are saying don't tell her... Well I kind of agree with them. If she can't tell you have a grade school crush on someone, then there's no need to tell her about it. She'll just feel hurt and betrayed. But if you think she has a crush on someone in the future, I would suggest talking about it, because then she'll be able to get over it faster and it would make you feel better. Just a friendly suggestion.

[musicman84]

Her room mate had started dating a new boyfriend and she was quite annoyed with it telling me "I LIKED HIM FIRST"

Don't brush these comments off. You said you weren't annoyed, but you clearly mentioned it for a reason which suggests to me that it bothers you in some way. I assume it's less about the content and more to do with WHY she would say such a thing to you? Well, if that is indeed the case, I couldn't agree with you more.

Speak to her and tell her how you feel. The biggest mistake I ever made was to bury feelings and emotions under the carpet and it always comes back to haunt you in some way. It's best to figure out communication skills between the two of you earlier rather than later.

[neverme]

Yup, totally normal, you only need to worry if you feel you might want to act on it :)