[Androidious]

For the past year I have been having a lot of trouble making sense of my life. I'm 23 years old, and I have a great 8 to 5 office job which allows me to take care of myself very well. I have no financial troubles, which isn't hard of course if you can manage your spending habits. I live in a decent 2 bedroom house which I rent. I have the time to do anything that I want.

Now the most depressing thing about the entire situation is that I never have anything to do, so I spend my time at home. There's not a day that goes by that I don't realize how blessed I am to have
The things that I have and the freedom to do what I want. Great opportunities were opened up to me when I received my current job. I'm not saying that I'm rich, because I'm not... I just want to express that I'm very satisfied with my pay after spending 4 years at a dead-end job waiting to get here, having to count quarters and nickles just to get by.

For the first time in my young life, great things are beginning to happen for me. Now, I would assume that most people would be glad just to have all of that and be very satisfied, but there's been something that's been on my mind constantly, every time I go to sleep and at every waking moment and I just can't shake it. That thing is, at risk of making me sound pathetic, having a girlfriend... At 23, I can honestly admit to only having one real realationship. I met a girl and we fell in love. We eventually were engadged,
With child, and lived together. Things were great and I was the happiest man in the world, but we had an unexpected miscarriage and later she decided to leave me for a guy that she worked with.

So about 8 months later, here I am. I'm trying my best to move on because I don't want to remain single forever and sometimes I fear that to be a certain possibility. I have never had much luck with the ladies. I strive to be a family man. I want someone to love and cherish and grow old with -- not just someone to have around until the next best thing comes along. That takes time, I understand. I hope to find that person one day, but as I said before, I don't have luck with the ladies. They don't seem to be interested in me. Out of all the things that could be worrying me, it happens to be the fact that I'm single that keeps me from sleeping at night.

All of the older happy couples would be inclined to tell me that I'm young and I should not worry about relationships too much right now and that it will eventually come along, but I can't just forget about it. It really does trouble me that much. I'm a decent guy, who just wants to find someone to give me a chance, but it seems that this generation is not keen on the good guys. I have actually thought that maybe I would have been better off being born in a past generation.

Well, I don't want to end up writing a book, so I will stop here. I just know that there are other people out there that feel just the way that I do, but I never seem to find them, but I know they are there. How can I get by without having these consistent longings for a partner? The thought that I may even have to wait until I'm 30 years old makes me sad.

[justcurious55]

You're still young and have a lot of time to find the right girl for you. And you'll probably find someone when you least expect it. The only way to meet people though is to get out of the house. You mentioned you never have anything to do so you stay at home. Find things to do. Go to the gym, do volunteer work, join a book club. Anything to get out of the house and be around people.

[redhed35]

You sound like a great guy, you sound lonely though, more then needy.

Have you tried getting out in the evening, how about a class, or joining the gym, drama group, toast masters, there must be a host of things you could do.

Open up the world for yourself, meet people, it will beat the lonely feeling.

Getting onto the relationship bit, I'm not going to say you have loads of time, well, cause you already know that, but what I will say from my vantage point of 38 years of age, is that there are so many people out there, how on earth will lyou meet them if you don't go outside!

So get out there!

[talaniman]

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

[acciosnivellus]

I can relate to your post on a more broad spectrum- lack of a social life! I've only had one serious relationship too, and now that it's over and I'm well on my way in healing, I'm kind of unsettled and confused about how to work on that dusty social life I have hidden somewhere. I was one of those who kind of shut others out and focused a lot on my boyfriend at the time, who I considered my best and pretty much only friend. I've realized how unhealthy that was! Having friends and a life outside of your partner is important. It's great that you're proud of your work life and how far you've come, now just work on that social life!

Tal's Rules on this matter are something I like to keep in mind when I'm feeling ansty about future dating or friendships. Although I'm not ready, I do wonder how I'm EVER going to meet that person if I'm just sitting around in my room! But like another poster said, it really is important to make effort to get out more and build a satisfying life on your own, although my introverted tendencies make this difficult at times.

Personally, I go to my gym a lot now, since I'm trying to get out of my room at least once a day outside of class (or work!). Little goals like this can really help. And turns out I'm really getting into fitness, I actually enjoy it now! Imagine that! It's a baby step, but its still a step forward. No I haven't made any magical "bffs" or potential dates or anything, but it's helping me be more optimistic and open minded about my future. And with a good attitude, good things will eventually fall into place.

Try to find some active hobbies outside of work and remember to keep your chin up! You've got a good head on your shoulders and many women think there aren't ENOUGH good guys out there! You definitely aren't doomed, don't be so hard on yourself!