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sapnagoel · Jan 15, 2007, 04:22 PM

My two year old has kind of made a routine to start crying fro totally unreasonable things. For instance, if I switch off the light, she will cry and ask me to switch it off. And when I do so, she will ask me to switch it on. Similarly, today I bought a chocolate cake from the market for her, but she wanted to have a pineapple cake instead and started crying incessantly over it. It was impossible for me to go out to the market and buy the pine apple cake for her. She cries so badly that it is totally impossible to control her.
Anyone please suggest how to handle such situations.
Thanks, Sapna

Nosnosna · Jan 15, 2007, 04:46 PM

Be stubborn back. If it's time for the light to be off, it should be off. If it's time for the light to be on, it should be on.

If your kid wants a specific type of cake, that needs to be addressed before the cake is bought. Once the child has been given a treat, that's the treat they get... if you let them decide after they've gotten the treat.

Kids cry when they don't get what they want. It's just the way of things. If they get what they want by crying for it, they'll keep doing that forever. And it will just keep getting worse. Learn to tell your kid no, and stand by it.

shygrneyzs · Jan 15, 2007, 05:02 PM

When people say "the terrible twos" that is what they are talking about. The behavior, the tantrums, not being able to reason with your child. But how much can you expect a two year old child to reason?

Your best approach is to be calm, direct, firm yet loving, and very specific. It would help if you could read some of the vast literature out there that explains coping with a two year old. Also for you to realize that this is normal for the child and it will pass. Meanwhile you have pulled all your hair out and stretched to the ends of your limits. But they do grow up.

Dr. Terry Brazelton has written some excellent articles and books on child rearing. There are all kinds of information on the web - you have to sift through it and make your own judgements. Getting some information on Developmental Psychology - the ages and stages of human development would help you see that this happens to all us mothers with two year olds. You might find some blogs on the web for young moms.

That being said, can you get some emotional and physical support in your community? Some areas have a group called "MOPS" - Mothers Of Preschool" children. Maybe there is a group of young Mothers through your church. Check your newpaper under community activities - there are listings of organizations and meeting times. Or perhaps something like the YMCA has a group - they do here for moms of preschool children. Something and someplace you can go to help you with ideas on coping with your child, getting some moral support, and socialization, which benefits you both.

One thing, it is normal for your child to have a tantrum and it is certainly within your right to remove her from where you are - say to her room - when she is having one. Explain calmly that she may come out when she is done with her tantrum or her crying spell. She can learn at that age that you will not accept her behavior. You love her, but you do not love the behavior. Make that clear to her. Do not equate her behavior with your love for her. When she starts in with a tantrum or crying in a store, leave everything there and take her out to go home.

When you buy her something and she does not like it, simply state that she does not have to have it, but you are not going out to purchase something she says she wants NOW - as it is always NOW they want things. No such thing as waiting for someone so young. So that is how they learn. She throws something? She picks it up. She refuses to eat something? Fine, she does not have to eat but you are not going to make another meal. You start teaching consequences for behavior.

Best of all to you. I raised three children and know exactly where you are right now with your child. It is a lot of trying something to see if it works, then being to adapt, remaining patient. Take care.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 15, 2007, 07:25 PM

This is just two years old, they are trying to get you trained to do things their way. If they want to have a tantrum, let them have them, they learn soon it does not help.

And while I perhaps would not explain it as calmly as the above poster, I do believe in explaining the behavior is not acceptabel

Myth · Jan 15, 2007, 11:47 PM

Ok just speaking from experience, when my oldest daughters pulled this stunt I told them that if they felt that this was worth crying over then they needed to do it in their room because I wasn't going to put up with it in the family area. Pretty soon they decided that since they didn't get the attention then it really wasn't worth the energy. I always however paid attention to why they were crying though, and judged every time what was truly pain or needing comfort as opposed to acting out. You have to be the parent and not let your child.

sapnagoel · Jan 16, 2007, 03:09 AM

More or less everyone has said the same thing. Tank you all for taking time to answer my query. I have been trying to be stubborn too, but still her crying bouts last for as long as 20 minutes sometimes. Though after that she comes to me and says sorry too. But it seems it is not in her control at that time to stop crying. I am just hoping that this phase passes away soon.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 16, 2007, 07:58 AM

It will pass but some of the phases still to come may seem worst, and you will be wishing it was just a about of showing their tail.

The ignore you stage
The talk you out of it stage
The I forgot how to doit stage
The I know more than you stage

Welcome to being a parent

Tuscany · Jan 16, 2007, 08:16 AM

Crying never hurt a child. Actually, studies show that crying strengthens lungs and helps with vocal control.
The most important thing is not to give into the crying. If you do you are reinforcing the behavior that you want to see disappear.

kanicky73 · Jan 16, 2007, 08:44 AM

The biggest thing I have learned with my children is BE Consistent! If you give in just one time they remember it and will cry and cry until you give in again. Lets face it all of us have done it one time or another, but those little ones remember it. No means no and stick to it no matter how bad they cry. Remember too that they see how their crying gets to you and if you let them know with body language or anything else that them crying is really annoying you or upsetting you, they will do it until they have no tears left. Sometimes its easier to just remove yourself from the room, obviously make sure that by doing so your child isn't going to be harmed or get into anything. Sometimes just walking away or just start humming a song and act like you don't hear them, they will see that its not bothering you and eventually stop. Trust me its not easy and will probably take everything you have to try and act like its not bothering you but it works. They react to your reactions.

nsiracusa · Oct 26, 2009, 05:43 AM

Hello my 3yr old boy used to always tell me what he wanted. After he was sick and has an ear infection with drainage he has be difficult. He does this temper tantrum thing where he throw things and does and (en, en) whine. Until I figure out what he wants. Help!! I don't know what is wrong.

Concern mommy,
nsiracusa

sylvan_1998 · Oct 27, 2009, 11:35 AM

All the advice here is good and I just want to add, as I found out, that it is not easier to give in than to hear the tantrum.

A quick fix is to give in and forgo the tantrum, but your child needs to learn to deal with a) these emotions they are having and b) how to self-sooth in these crisis times. Luckily I was given this advice before it was tooo late and when I started to envoke it, I could see the path we had been heading down was only to get harder. So, as stated above, be firm consistent and loving.

Good luck