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MarMar27 · Jan 30, 2011, 12:28 AM

Ok, so I met this guy online we have had a wonderful connection I really like him and I can tell he really likes me... We've been around each other three times now... have talked for the past three weeks everyday... But tonight when we went out to a club when They scanned his license for his age it was 3 years older of what he had told me... He apologized for lying and said he didn't want me judging his age... I don't know what to think or do? It's a 12 year difference now.. thought it was 9 years..

joypulv · Jan 30, 2011, 12:46 AM

Lying about age is extremely common online and when people first meet through personals ads.
Get to know him better before you judge, unless something about him is giving you cause to worry for other reasons. Or if you just don't want that much age gap, period.
Even though his is a flat out lie, ask yourself if you have hidden any facts about yourself, or embellished a little, or told any little lies to give a good impression.. most of us do, and we admit to them after we really like the other person.

MarMar27 · Jan 30, 2011, 01:36 AM

I agree with you Joypul he seems like a very great guy thus far and has told me a lot about his past and he said he wasn't expecting to really like a woman the way he does me and he didn't want me to pretty much shut him down cause his age so I can understand why he did it, I don't want to judge him by his age.. he said he was going to tell me... but I wonder if he really was... He thought I asked because he's somewhat bald when he took his hat off... he usually wears hats.

I told him I asked because I saw the Id scanner said he was 3 years older than what he told me. So he asked me if it matters, and I said no the age doesn't really matter to me.. what matters is lying.

joypulv · Jan 30, 2011, 05:10 AM

You have been out a mere 3 times. That's not enough to wonder if he was ever going to tell you.
My dear sweet honorable honest dad lied about his age on a dating site after my mother died. He even put on a picture of himself taken years ago! I cringed.
I sometimes wonder if men aren't at least as vain as women.
This man is going bald? Even more reason to be super self conscious. Women pad their bras and hope that by the time they have to take it off the man will love them anyway, right?
Neither one is an indicator of a devious personality. Again, judge him on his entire character as you get to know him, not on this.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 30, 2011, 06:45 AM

9 years or 12 years, does not really make that much difference. But yes it is common to tell small ( and large) lies online.

chloe_r · Jan 30, 2011, 09:44 AM

Hi.My question to you is, has anything else changed about the guy other then his age? It sounds to me like you really like the guy, and a 9-12 year difference doesn't sound that important to me... It's all about the connection,and that is something that is hard to find.

ScottGem · Jan 30, 2011, 09:56 AM

How old are you both? I wouldn't care about a extra 3 years if you are in your 30s. But if you are 18 it might make a difference

MarMar27 · Feb 1, 2011, 02:02 AM

Chloe no nothing else has changed I still am very into him and I agree the connection I feel is what's most important and so far he has been very respectful towards me... and he was apologetic about the lie, yes I'll probably never know if he was going to tell me if it wouldn't have been for that incident. But it happened for a reason right?

ScottGem I am 23 he is going to be 35. What do you think about that?

Joy good point, I figured that's why he did not tell me.

ScottGem · Feb 1, 2011, 03:58 AM

Originally Posted by MarMar27

ScottGem I am 23 he is going to be 35. What do you think about that?

I think its makes for something to think about, but not a deal breaker.

MarMar27 · Feb 1, 2011, 01:06 PM

Yes.

I mean I am very mature for my age, and I feel I need someone older because a lot of these men now in days take too long to mature.

My mother says it's a good thing for me.

I wish · Feb 1, 2011, 01:45 PM

Regardless of your age difference, the point is, he lied about his age and that doesn't bold well for him, he's off to a horrible start.

I wonder what else he's going to lie to you about? Realize that the problem isn't your age gap, it's about how he lied.

MarMar27 · Feb 5, 2011, 02:07 AM

I am very happy with him very much happy with him... with everything except of the lying of age... but I feel its something I should let go.

He is the first man in a while that has me thinking about him all day.. I have increased feelings for him as I get to know him more and more, and I feel he feels the same way.

I kind of just looked beyond the lie and I had already figured why he lied.. and it's the same reason he gave me when he apologized.. I mean.. maybe he just thought I wouldn't give him the time of the day if he had told me his real age?. He didn't know who I was then, I don't know.. but I feel in my heart he didn't do it with bad intentions.

Cat1864 · Feb 5, 2011, 07:20 AM

MarMar, I am glad you are happy with him. The only thing I will ask is that you not allow yourself to ignore any other warning signs.

It seems to me that not only did he lie about his age, but he took a very passive way out in letting you 'find' out the truth. I would bet that he knew his age would come out at the club. To me that is a red flag on how he handles problems. The concept that it is easier to apologize and rationalize your way out of trouble than to face it head on and admit to not being completely truthful.

Enjoy being with him, but don't allow the warm fuzzy feelings to cloud your judgment should other things start not adding up properly.

JudyKayTee · Feb 5, 2011, 08:32 AM

Agree - this may be the first of a chain of lies. This may also be the only lie.

Keep your eyes open.

Jake2008 · Feb 5, 2011, 09:06 AM

Lying about being three years older than you are isn't a big deal, unless he has something to hide.

Depending upon how old you are, if you're of legal age he has no reason to lie.

I suspect one of two things.

There is more to this fellow than the need to lie about his age. Perhaps he is a man who needs to pretend to be younger than he is, in order to hook up with younger women.

Or, perhaps he is feeling that his real age, would, for some reason, be a turn off to women.

Either way, remember you found out his age purely by accident, and if he can't be honest about something so simple, I'd be extra cautious as this relationship proceeds.

MarMar27 · Feb 7, 2011, 01:01 AM

Thanks to all for the inputs.. I am keeping my guard up and analyzing everything step by step.. so far yes I am happy.