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kalimae4 · Jan 28, 2011, 08:41 AM

My future DIL is from a more well to do family than we are. We are very fortunate but cannot afford a caterer for this event so me and my sister-in-laws are doing the entire rehearsal dinner ourselves. We will do a great job! It is already at 57 people if you can believe that! We all live in a different city than my son and his wife to be so all along we have planned to use my son's kitchen as the small kitchen in the country club is not big enough. The country club kitchen will be utilized to keep some things cold and a few things warmed, etc. but not for the main cooking - the main cooking will be done at my sons home which is only about a mile from the country club. Well, my son just informs me that his future wife doesn't want us in the house at all! What? Where am I suppose to get all of this cooking done? He goes back to her with my question? Nope, we can't be in the house at all! Mind you this is my son's home for now, she has not moved in and won't until after the wedding! What am I to do? How should I handle this? I have no where to cook all this food! I am really angry!! This is NOT this first unreasonable stunt she has pulled!!

tickle · Jan 28, 2011, 09:04 AM

First of all, why does the rehearsal dinner have so many people attending. It isn't supposed to be a dinner party, it is supposed to be to co-ordinate only people in the wedding party for a practice and just a casual, maybe potluck, after.

I really can sympathize with you on this, but do you not get a long with her? Is that why she is so unreasonable and if it is your son's house, and you are his mom, why can't he put his foot down?

He will have to put his foot down if he wants this done properly.

Sorry, only advice I can give, short of hey, having her kidnapped. Maybe you will have to tone down your menu and work in the country club kitchen.

Tick

kalimae4 · Jan 28, 2011, 09:38 AM

Because her family insists on inviting all the aunts and uncles! Yes, they are controlling people who are driving me crazy! And it is anything but casual! It is going to be a steak dinner. We have always got along 'til now.

kalimae4 · Jan 28, 2011, 09:39 AM

He won't put his foot down for fear of making her mad. I've cried enough over this. Time to pick up and do the best we can. I'm doing this for my son but little does she know she is making me hate her. :(

redhed35 · Jan 28, 2011, 09:42 AM

First of all fair play for offering to do this for them..

Your future daughter in law may have her own reasons, if you can let it go,as anoying and inconvient as it is.

Would it be possible to cook the main dishes at your own home, dividing the menu up with your sister in laws so they can do there bit at there own homes and then get everything together at the country club kitchen...

I know it sounds like hardship, but with a few tweaks to the menu you might be able to pull it off.

Edit: in stead of steaks how about roast beef or chicken dishes?

kalimae4 · Jan 28, 2011, 10:16 AM

We have decided to do whatever is necessary to make it happen. Not for her but for my son. She is really ruining our relationship with her petty quirks. There is no good reason for us not to use his kitchen. After all, it is for them.

tickle · Jan 28, 2011, 12:18 PM

Kalimae, do whatever it takes to get this done as pleasantly as possible under the circumstances and stick to your guns. Please let us know how it all worked out.

After the wedding I hope all of this unpleasantness will be washed under the bridge and you can come to grips with her attitude problem. I would be as upset as you and knashing my teeth were I in your shoes. But I would never ever let a younger women get the better of me.

dontknownuthin · Jan 28, 2011, 03:45 PM

Tell her that the entire event is dependent on the use of the kitchen and if she will not permit it, you will not be able to host the event and will need for her to hire caterers at her expense. She's being ridiculous.

kalimae4 · Jan 28, 2011, 08:14 PM

I'm doing this for my son, that's the only thing getting me through this. She is not being reasonable AT ALL! My poor son is caught in the middle of two women he loves. I'll be the bigger person because I love him so much!

kalimae4 · Jan 28, 2011, 08:17 PM

I did actually tell my son this earlier today and he got really upset. Of course, I didn't mean it. We will get through it like I'll order the baked potatoes from a local restaurant instead of baking them myself. She IS being ridiculous!!

kalimae4 · Jan 28, 2011, 08:28 PM

I thank you all for the replies! They are much appreciated. We have gone back and forth with this all day long. I did tell my son earlier today that we just we not going to do the dinner, he could find someone else to do it at his own expense but he could bet I WOULD be there. I was livid! But as cooler heads prevailed I realized I was only hurting him, which I did NOT want to do. He got really upset. He doesn't want us to be angry with each other, me and her. Well, until she has a change in attitude.. . I just don't know. He told me tonight she doesn't know why I'm "angry" with her. I'm angry with her always wanting her way and never compromising with other people even when it's in her best interest! How dumb is that? This dinner is not for my benefit. I'm not spending all this money and time for my benefit, it's for her and my son! To make them happy. I just don't get how some people's minds work. There is not one reason good enough why we can't use his kitchen that day. Her reasons are because the groomsmen will be there and she doesn't want the house messed up. Like I won't be cleaning up behind myself. And she might have out of town family she wants to show the house to. They can see it with us in there, I'm not all that ugly! LOL

tickle · Jan 29, 2011, 02:46 AM

So what has actually been resolved? You are doing the prep at your son's place, right ?

Tick

kalimae4 · Jan 29, 2011, 08:25 AM

Nope! She will not budge! And now my son is caught in the middle and upset with me. Now this hefer has de-friended me on Facebook and is mad with me!! What the heck?

J_9 · Jan 29, 2011, 08:30 AM

Facebook? Really? What has this world come to?

When is the wedding? How soon? There may be other ways to resolve this other than using his kitchen or the country club kitchen.

You might need to explore more options.

kalimae4 · Jan 29, 2011, 09:17 AM

I only said that to point how how petty this has become. I don't care anymore. The RD is May 13th. We are getting the baked potatoes from a local restaurant. That will help a lot with the oven time. We are NOT using his kitchen!

kalimae4 · Jan 29, 2011, 09:18 AM

Me and my SIL's are renting a hotel room for rest time and showers before the "event". We live too far away to run back and forth home. Hopefully the oven at the CC will cook the green beans/bacon and bread. I'm praying!

J_9 · Jan 30, 2011, 04:06 AM

Dependent upon where you live, you could make this a country bar-b-que outside near a river and not need a kitchen, but rather some grills.

kalimae4 · Jan 30, 2011, 11:06 AM

Unfortunately we didn't decide the menu, they did. I always thought the parents of the groom decided the RD but in this case the bride and her mother are controlling EVERYTHING! Every time we try to "buck" them on anything. .

kalimae4 · Jan 30, 2011, 11:07 AM

It starts a WAR! Like I said earlier, this is not the first unreasonable thing that has happened. This just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back. I'm in poor health as I have addison's disease and this is.. .

kalimae4 · Jan 30, 2011, 11:08 AM

Stressing me to the MAX! They have no regard for me or my situation. I had a panic attack yesterday because of all this. Took 2 Xanax last night, missed church this morning. I don't like the way this people are messing with my life!