[aurora_rena]

My story is a long one. My first relation**** ever was an a year and 5 month online one with a very insecure teenage boy. I broke up with him about a year ago, but experienced about 7 months of harassment from him because he was trying desperately to get me to take him back, no matter what it took.
By the end of the relation****, I discovered that this boy pretending to be a man was insecure, depressive, possibly bi-polar, had an anxious-ambivalent attachment style, had anxiety over abandonment, and possibly anti-social personality disorder (a sociopath). He hid all of these things from me when I "fell" for him and I haven't been able to forgive myself to this day.
Here is my story...
1. Would throw fits over the close I wore, from v-necks, to camisoles, to shorts. Anything that showed even a little bit of my body would drive him mad if there was a possibility I was going to wear it in public. He would convince me that I needed to have respect for myself and not dress like a whore when I had a normal NON SLUTTY dressing style. Dressing like this was even unacceptable during the boiling summer days. He basically wanted me to dress like a boy in public so no one would find me attractive. But at home on the webcam he'd ask me to show him more skin. I complied for awhile, but later on I just hid everything from him.
2. He had this idea of purity which consisted of dating a girl who was a virgin, never had a boyfriend, and never been kissed, despite the fact that he had 3 girlfriends before me. Later on this list changed to the addition of never been attracted to any man EVER except him (past and present), and never having any other men attracted to me except him. He wanted me to be untouched in every way, which was simply impossible. I met the first three requirements, but when he freaked out after hearing I kissed a baby boy on the cheek when I was one years old (a cover up for kissing a boy on the cheek in middle school) I decided to never be completely honest with him about my past ever again. He yelled at cried and told me to "fix it," like get in a time machine or else he'd have to live with it his entire life. Even kissing my baby cousins bothered him.
3. Watching TV dramas made him angry so I had to stop. Basically, anything labeled as girly I had to stop doing. I had to stop painting my nails because it was stupid, getting my hair done was stupid, wearing jewelry was stupid, going shopping was stupid, reading twilight was and thinking it was decent (I was and am not a twi-hard) was disgusting because it showed that I fantasized about being in another relationship, owning more than one pairs of shoes was stupid. I needed to stop or pretend to stop doing a lot of these things to keep him "happy." but picking up interest in his favorite sport was more than OK. Liking anything popular was not OK because he got picked on by popular kids at school so anything they did or wore or liked was immoral, stupid, and wrong.
4. he was an atheist, I came from a religious family in a way. My mother was religious and devout, my father was not. I always believed in god, but I didn't practice my religion religiously. He wanted me to become atheist like him, or in his words "i atleast want to get you to agnostic." he had absolutely no problem changing my beliefs if it was convenient for him. I pretended to be atheist to "please" him. I'll never forgive myself for doing this.
5. loving my family was stupid, disgusting and creepy. I should only love him. I had every reason to hate my family who gave me food, shelter, and love. I didn't need friends or family, I should only need him, he should be enough. He tried to alienate me from my friends and family which almost worked. I stopped hanging out with either of them as much to be with him. I fought with him when he told me to stop loving my family, but eventually I got too tired and lied to him that I would try to get him to shut up.
6. he threatened to kill himself for multiple reasons. Of course he threatened to do this if I broke up with him, but he also used it to keep me from going to prom, but I went anyway, though it was considerably less magical because of him. He also tried to put pressure on me to never leave him by saying that I gave his life meaning and that because of me he was planning on going to college so he could get a good job and take care of me, but if I left, all that motivation would go away and if he didn't kill himself, he would probably become a hobo or join a gang and it would be all my fault. I fell for it.
7. he did not like the fact that I had a happy school life. Looking at my Facebook page made him jealous, so he asked me to delete it because it was hurting him, so I did. Half of my high school memories are gone now.
8. going into college, he made me promise not to make friends or become best friends with anyone, especially my roommate and got upset when it happened anyway. He didn't want me to join any clubs because he said I didn't need them and it would take away from spending time with him. He also didn't like me showing any school spirit or doing any typical college things because it was stupid. He went so far as to pretend to run away for a week to get me to stop going to football games out of guilt, which didn't work.

The list goes on, but these were the most salient nightmares that came to memory. When I broke up with him I went through another kind of torment. When simply asking me to take him back and saying he had changed didn't work, he got creative...
1. because saying he would kill himself would mean he hadn't changed, he decided to make it appear that he was going to die, either because he was being targeted or because he was dying of depression induced ulcers that would subside if I took him back, or else he'd be dead in a month (that was more than 8 months ago).
2. when that didn't work, he became full of a bloody vengeance. If I didn't take him back, a lot of people's lives would be endanger, including my own.
3. when that didn't work, he didn't want to do anything or help anyone because he was heartbroken, but would if I took him back. If I didn't take him back, a lot of people were going to die. And the longer I waited to take him back, the more his "friends" came to hate me and wanted me dead or hurt, but out of the goodness of his heart, he made them sign a binding contract to keep them from hurting me.
4. when that didn't work, the contract was destroyed, and they would come after me, so I had to take him back...
This went on for 7 months. At this point, a friend of mine stepped in, threatened to contact the police, and he immediately put on a "i'm sorry, i'm the victim routine." he sent nearly all of those messages online pretending to be other people to make himself appear like he was leaving me alone when really he was trying to manipulate me into taking him back and keep tabs on what I'm doing. I fell for it for awhile, but eventually I caught on. I asked him to leave me alone after that, which he agreed to until he saw my extremely PRIVATE Facebook profile picture with me and my best friend (a boy) and freaked out sending me a message pleading for an explanation. He cyberstalked me and came up with some ridiculous story putting the blame on someone else. I since deleted my Facebook, changed my cell phone number, moved, and told him I would go to the police on charges of harassment and intention/threats to kill if he did not stick to no contact. It has been 5 months of NC since then. But I'm still bothered by the thought that rather than using this time to move on, he is still cyberstalking me and obsessing over me when obviously the boy did not like a thing about me. As a sociopath, he is characterized as manipulative, pathological liar, self-oriented, sees people as objects rather than people, agressiveness, lack of remorse or regard for others, and extreme immaturity.

Being insecure and having anxiety over abandonment (neurotic fear of being left alone by those closest to you) makes it harder, and takes longer for a person to move on from a relationship.

I want to know the stories of people from both sides of the fence, preferably those who weren't married or have children involved. I also want to know how long it took you to get over a break up, whether you were the dumpee or dumper. I have developed anxiety from his 7 months of nonstop harassment and anger issues at the thought of this relation**** or the thought of him still thinking he's in love with me or obsessing over me. I want to know your story.

[talaniman]

Are you telling us you took the guy you wroye about in December back, and are having more problems?

[aurora_rena]

Absolutely not! This is my new boyfriend. For some reason, my two posts are mixed together, I can see the title for my new one but the text from my old one. Is anyone else having this problem?

[justcurious55]

Edit: misunderstood the merged threads and relationship this first time.

Being attracted to other people is natural. As long as he's not acting on his attractions I don't think it's anything to worry about.

I'm also curious if you've worked on overcoming your insecurities?

[aurora_rena]

There is no story to get straight. I broke up with the crazy guy a year ago, is started dating my current boyfriend a year ago. There is a glitch that deleted my original text and fused it with my old post about my crazy ex. Why would I lie man? My gosh.

[justcurious55]

Comment on justcurious55's post
There is no story to get straight. I broke up with the crazy guy a year ago, is started dating my current boyfriend a year ago. There is a glitch that deleted my original text and fused it with my old post about my crazy ex. Why would I lie man? My gosh.

please stop using the comments to follow up. Use the answer box.

I went back and edited my post because I had misunderstood your comment on tal's post. And it's probably not a glitch causing the posts to show up together, someone probably merged your threads together.

[talaniman]

Posted in December
My story is a long one. My first relation**** ever was an a year and 5 month online one with a very insecure teenage boy. I broke up with him about a year ago,

Posted today
I'm in a new long distance relationship. We've been together over a year and LDR for about 5 months

.

I see some overlap of 5 months and that's my confusion before we go further or make the necessary changes.

[aurora_rena]

How or why would someone merge my posts? Sorry for the confusion >_< I still can only see my old post with no text from my new one.

[aurora_rena]

I think I understand. Someone, an administrator I assume, merged my posts thinking my new one was a follow up of my old one. It was not. They are about two completely different topics concerning two completely different people. If this is the case, I wish I was contacted first so I could explain instead of assumptions being made. I still cannot see my new text. This is slightly frustrating. But what's done is done.

[justcurious55]

Are you only looking at the very top post? Your post from today is showing up as post #2 for me, and should be for you too.

Now you've had a chance to clear up the confusion. talaniman even pointed out exact lines for you. You've been back to the thread since he did. And yet you're still not explained the over lap he asked about.

[aurora_rena]

There is no overlap. I'm not quite understanding what the problem is. The first post was about a relationship from the past that lasted a year and five months, it was a flashback post about past events. That relationship ended ONE year ago, I was talking about things that happened about 2 to 3 years ago. The second post was about my current boyfriend who I started dating ONE year ago. We started dating when my last relationship ended. We have been dating for about ONE year and in LDR for about 5 months out of that one year. 2 different subjects. 2 different people. 2 different LDR relationships. I didn't understand what talaniman was saying in that post, I misread it.

[kaka67]

aurora_rena... I'm not up with what's merged or was merged but I will say that when someone comes here for advice you only here one side of the story or in your case stories...

That's what advice is based on.

So when someone returns and posts again, whether that be regarding the same relationship or a different one, I always found if its added to the original thread you started it is very helpful

Why?

Because it helps to give a clearer picture of you, because we only get one side of the story, yours, and more of than not there's a pattern... i.e. such as your boyfriends are usually crazy :)

That pattern helps with the advice given. It won't be advice of dump his lazy *** etc etc it would contain more advice regarding you and what you could possibly do to help/change the pattern of relationships.

Do that make sense?

Anyway... all I'll say is don't let your anxiety dictate how you live your life. If you do he will still have an indirect hold on you.

[aurora_rena]

Thank you for explaining it to me :)