[TooManyProblems]

Hi, I really just need immiediate help with this problem because situations have escalated and I'm kind of pressed on time. I have a major dilemma and I'm asking.. begging.. ANYONE for a legitimate answer ASAP because at this point I'm kind of desperate.

My problem started about eight months ago with this guy, who I was infatuated with, and eventually became really close friends with. I noticed that we had a mutual friend that went to my old high school! We hadn't seen each other in five years, and I wasn't really sure if he would remember me, although our moms still keep in touch quite frequently. Anyway, I thought to myself, "hey what a great idea, if i start talking to one of his friendsthen he can invite us BOTH over, and i'll get to see my crush more often! :)" Well obviously, that didn't work out too well our else I wouldn't be on this website, now would I? Haha well anyway, we started talking through Facebook, and text messages for a few weeks until he finally asked me to hang out. Which was my goal. Maybe the guy I liked would ask him to come over while I was with him? I thought I was an evil super genius. UNTIL, (just to be clear) my CRUSHES, FRIEND, asked ME to be friends with benefits. Why. That's just so unnecessary. He just came out of a really long relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious.I had never done anything like that before, so I initially just changed the conversation, until we actually went out and I realized that I liked spending time with him. Whether it was because I was sad, or lonely, or "in the mood", whatever, I agreed. I ended up doing him a "favour" without actually doing "it" if you catch my drift. Anyway, that happened a couple of times, and I'm starting to realize that I never wanted any of it. Is there any possible way that I could ask him to go back to just being friends? What sucks is that we never really were friends. We started talking on the internet and text messages and then the first time we went out became intimate. So, it's a bit different than your typical friends with benefits situation. So yes, I'm just really confused because I've never been in this kind of a situation before, and I end up doing stupid things that compromise my own values, which I really hate and am thoroughly discusted with myself. That's why I just want it to stop. But I don't want to loose him as a friend because I really do enjoy spending time with him. so basically, i just need a way to break it to him gently, that he wont be getting any more action, without having the result of him tossing me aside like a piece of meet. The reason why this is so urgent all of a sudden is because he wants to take things all the way very soon, and I don't know how to get out of it without just telling him the truth. and i really dont know what to say..

SO PLEASE, ANYONE ANSWER THIS FOR ME, JUST GIVE ME YOUR HONEST OPINION, AND I WILL BE FOREVER GREATFUL, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[Wondergirl]

The next time you're together and he asks for "benefits," tell him flat out, "No, I'd rather just be your friend with no benefits." If he doesn't like that, tough. He's not worth your time. (You've been using him anyway, so no great loss for either of you.)

[TooManyProblems]

Well.. to be quite honest it started that way, but I realized that I actually could like him without all of the "benefits". But thank you very much, I will try to do that.. even though last time it didn't work out very well.. I kind of failed!

[Wondergirl]

How did you fail?

[TooManyProblems]

I didn't say anything.. I just couldn't, lost my courage.. that was the night I was going to set him straight but I just couldn't bring myself to protest against it when he wanted to do stuff.. so I just went along with it. Sounds pretty embarrassing.

I'm not really sure how to prevent it from happening again though! :(

[Wondergirl]

Allow me to accompany you two. I'll sit in the back seat and not say a word. I'll make sure it won't happen again.

Seriously, what will give you a spine so you follow through with the no,-let's-just-be-friends speech?

[mystific]

There is a scenario that springs to mind that isn't all that pleasant.

What's the worst that can happen? He'll have to find another friend with benefits.

You're a class act. You couldn't bring yourself to protest when he was doing stuff?

Could you if he forced you?

Think about it and what price do you put on your body. You obviously don't consider yourself highly on the 'worth it list'.

Oh here's a bright idea.. Don't GO BACK THERE.. oh my gosh.. a way of preventing it.

Honestly...

[Wondergirl]

I hereby give you permission to say no.

Please report back and let me know you said no. I will be waiting.

[answerme_tender]

Come on what you would tell a friend if she came to you with this type of story! Wouldn't you tell her to stop being used. If he wants someome to just pleasure him without having to date, then have him go to the women on the corners, he may have to spend some money, but hey they at least expect being treated like a whore, where you are just letting him treat you like one.

Don't ever let someone just because you have a crush make you feel its okay to lower your moral standards to get him to notice you!!

Take care

[talaniman]

The problem, as I see it is you want your cake and eat it to. If you stop conniving to get what you want, then you wouldn't be in this situation. Remove yourself from it, and let go of the idea of being friends, and find a real one, (friend without benefits).

If you are to scared, to weak, to desperate, to say NO, then start charging him for taking your dignity, and self respect.

[TooManyProblems]

Comment on mystific's post

Honestly, thank you very much for mocking me. You don't know me, or anything that I've been through. Clearly if this situation is happening to me I don't "consider myself highly on the worth list" so thanks again for pointing that out.

Obviously I want it to stop happening, that's why I'm seeking advice. & I'm a class act? I believe the definition is "something or someone regarded as outstanding or elegant in quality" so thanks, sure am. If you're a hater, you can leave.

Comment on answerme_tender's post

Thank you. This was actually a helpful comment. Unlike all of the other sarcastic and judgemental ones.

Comment on Wondergirl's post

Your sarcasm is just hilarious.

Comment on talaniman's post

Haha, I'll consider that. I'm joking, but thank you.

[mystific]

Mocking you? It's women like you that put yourself in positions like that, end up being abused and/or raped and then cry that you didn't ask for it. You didn't 'want' it to happen. You didn't 'ask' for it. But yet you continue to go back time and time again and putting yourself in that situation because you don't know how to say no.

You don't know me or the things I've been through. However when I see things that I believe that could have serious implications in the future with the most inane reasons you can't say no, annoys me.

clearly if this situation is happening to me I don't "consider myself highly on the worth list" so thanks again for pointing that out

Well you mus'nt.. YOU KEEP GOING BACK. It's girls/women like you who cry wolf over getting hurt badly when other women who get raped and hurt WITHOUT putting themselves in comprising positions that get the'is she telling the truth' grill.

I believe the definition is "something or someone regarded as outstanding or elegant in quality"

And given the tone you quite rightly pointed out, it wasn't a compliment.

if you're a hater, you can leave.

No you see, its because of women like you when I was physically abused by my ex, the ones who had no self preservation to leave / say no, exactly like you do, who put yourself in harms way 'because I don't know how to say no', that caused 7 months of delays because of 'circumstantial evidence'.. because yes being beaten so badly and losing a child in the womb wasn't enough cause. So yes a hater.. sure.. with legit reason and feeling for it.

But hey if you can't read between the lines between sarcasm and real opinion on what you should do.. then all power to you. Lets focus on my 'mockery'.. because I really do look up to women like you. All power to you and your inability to say no.