[ChokeonWords]

Hello, I am fifteen years old and my parents divorced pretty recently. I've tried talking to my parents but more often than not I come away with more questions than answers and not only feeling worse about the situation but useless, annoying, and overemotional as well.

Two weeks before Halloween my parents told me and my nine year old siblings Mom was going away for two weeks to have a little vacation at my aunt's. She came back Halloween and we had a lot of fun doing stuff we've wanted to but haven't for years. After I got back from a party with a few friends we found out she was leaving again, and next time she came back we were going with her. Each time we found out it was the night before, leaving us wondering what just happened. I tried asking Dad but apparently Mom made him promise not to say anything until she got back.

The weekend before we left we had a question and answer session, the big question being "is there going to be a divorce?" I found out before that happened though. From FACEBOOK. That was pretty bad, but I waited to ask them questions. I sent a couple e-mails while she was away to both of them trying to get answers on what the problem was, why it was happening, and asking them to listen to my opinions on where I want to live. I addressed them again that night and they said they were splitting up for reasons I'll "know when I'm older.."

That hurt and made me angry. I felt like not only were they not trusting me, but they were turning my life upside down and not telling me why! I went along with it without too much fuss because I didn't want to upset the twins more than they already were. We packed our things and moved up to my aunt's house. When I tried asking Mom again, this time alone, she got really mad and yelled at me, telling me to stay out of her business. That was the last time I both cried in front of her and confided in her.

The logical part of me says I should drop it, she loves me and trusts me a lot and maybe it really is none of my concern. The emotional part of me, however, still holds on to anger and hurt occasionally. What else happened probably didn't help.

I have nothing against any relatives who live up here, or the place in general, but I'm the cliché city kid suddenly in a rural area against her will. I'm used to heat, humidity, and the suburbs I lived in that was basically a forest, with nature park trails and everything. Sometimes I resented it, sometimes I got depressed, but it took months for me to finally accept it and maybe, just maybe, come to like it a little. That's not really the point or the problem however.

The problem is Mom listening to my opinion in the matter. I've told her, repeatedly, my views on where we're living, expressed understanding in living with relatives while she got a job and such, and the knowledge that houses where I like are expensive and we just can't do it right now. Doesn't keep me from still liking the forest better and sometimes getting irritable when we come back here from Dad's, but I understand and know there's nothing anyone can really do. No, what gets me is that no matter how many times I try to bring it up, be it in person or through a letter or text, she always puts it off or doesn't listen. I know she's stressed and busy trying to get a job, but I really, really want to be listened to, just so I can have the security in knowing she hears me.

It's been a few months living here with my aunt, uncle, three cousins, mom, and two siblings. Nine people is really crowded and sets everyone's teeth on edge. All the dudes, especially the two teens and my army uncle, get angry and into fights and say that, one way or another, we're out of their house and their rooms and their space by Summer. Mom overheard my cousins once and got mad, then got in trouble with my uncle for eavesdropping on them venting.

He's gotten mad at me too. Yesterday I had spent most of the afternoon trying to help my Grandma figure out Photoshop while knowing absolutely nothing about it myself and had a bad headache so I just wanted to chill and read a book in my room, when my brother and five year old cousin asked if they could play in my room. Not only do I have quite a bit of messy/dangerous/breakable stuff but I had my headache so I requested they play somewhere else. The oldest cousin [14] kicked them out of his room, but my uncle proceeded to come yell at me and telling me nowhere was off-limits, and if I have stuff they shouldn't mess with then maybe I just shouldn't have it.

I proceeded to take the dog for a walk and think about what my friend told me last weekend. The only reason I was there in the first place was that I refused to be split up from the twins. She told me that if I'm happier where I used to live then I should, however selfish it may seem, go back to live with Dad. I got a choice of where I wanted to live while the twins didn't.

It makes me feel rather guilty to think about but it is a legitimate question. What if I would be happier with Dad? But... I stayed with Grandma for a day to help her with the Photoshop thing and Mom said she really missed me, and the twins and I have never been apart for more than a week. What if they needed me? And what if I find out I really need them too? I've found more and more that I really miss my friends and going to public school [I'm home-schooled] and doing normal, kid-like things. I have decided, for now at least, that the people here need me more than I need the suburbs and I can be happy here. Next year after Mom has a job and a house and one year left of going-back-to-college that maybe then I can go back to Dad's.

Still... I really do miss having people my own age to talk to in person, I haven't seen a lot of my friends since school ended last year. And as I mentioned earlier I don't confide in Mom anymore so I've more or less turned to the internet to help me, but most things out there are written for the parents, not the teens, going through this.

So yea, that's my story. Anyone out there with words of wisdom, teens with the same problem, or just people who can tell me I made the right choice? Please?

[ChickyBaby]

Wow.. that is a lot for you at 15 to deal with.

So here is my best advise, as if you were my daughter...

I know you love your mom and dad AND the twins. BUT, you need to decide where YOU are happy. Its totally okay to tell your dad that you decide that you want to live with him. I'm sure he would like it too. :)

Where you are now is not a good place for you at your age. Your mom is acting out because she is super stressed out and has nowhere to live and no money. So she is in someone else's small space and everyone is getting on everyone's nerves.

You can still be close with your mom, the twins and that side of the family. Remember the relationship is what you make of it.

Also you should be around your friends... this is a prime time in your life and you should be growing as all teenagers do. Nothing selfish about that, at all!

If you chose to go w/ your dad... when you tell him... maybe tell your mom at the same time. Like when she comes to pick you up. Explain to your mom that you know is going through a really hard time and that you still love her, the twins and the rest of your family on that side. Let her & them know you are not "leaving them", but just living with your dad and you still want to speak to her on the phone see her etc.

You can send her birthday cards, etc. and also go stay w/ her one weekend a month when she gets her new place (b/c it doesn't seem you like it there at all). :)

Then when you have a little job after school... maybe you can take your mom somewhere special for her birthday. It will show you still care. :)

I hope this helps doll!

[ChickyBaby]

Also, don't worry too much about why your parents are getting divorced. They DO hear you. :) Just know adults get divorced for many reasons like... they are no longer in love, money issues, etc. So please don't stress! Its not you or the twins fault.

[ChokeonWords]

Thank you, this helped a lot!
I've decided to stay with mom until she gets a place of her own and maybe go back to Dad's during the summer.

[ChickyBaby]

I'm glad what I said helped. :)
Sounds like a great plan and you got all together! Your so grown up already... good for you! I know you'll be fine.