[Praecautus]

I have already exhausted all my treatment options.

[Wondergirl]

How is that possible?

[Praecautus]

Meds don't work and I've already talked about it over and over and over and over and over and over with no end in sight. I'm just tired of talking about it. What else is there to do?

[Praecautus]

It has already ruined the rest of my life I don't think there is anything that could make me not depressed.

[Wondergirl]

Well, I've made suggestions that you shot down, and you have given up, so where does that leave us?

One of our experts named Jake2008 will be online soon (hopefully). She always has helpful and useful things to say and suggest.

[Praecautus]

What suggestions did I shoot down?

[Wondergirl]

You didn't like my $30K job -- not good enough money.

[Wondergirl]

I'll PM Jake2008 to read this thread and put in her two cents. I've got 20+ inches of snow headed my way in a blizzard, so my mind is cluttered with other stuff right now. Maybe Jake will come up with a fantastic idea.

[Praecautus]

I don't like it but I never shot it down, and I said I would go down the library tomorrow to volunteer, if I get a 30K job it won't ever be good enough but at least I am making money. It's OK though these types of misunderstandings always happen to me I'm used to it... maybe one day I will learn to communicate better, maybe not.

[Wondergirl]

There you go again.

You've got to get your foot in the door somewhere. Might as well be at a library to begin with.

And I wish you wouldn't give up on the meds and counseling. I PMed Jake, so hope she helps us out.

[Praecautus]

I didn't give up on the med's the doctor took me off them, they had me on high doses with no effect, for instance I was on prozac for 8 months, started at 20mg and I was at the max dosage of 80mg with no effect before they started to take me off. I was at 80mg for almost two months.

[Praecautus]

Either way it really dosen't matter, even if I do get to the point where I am not depressed anymore, in the eyes of 90% of employers its - once depressed always depressed, they will never believe you and they see you as a liability. In the end it really defeats the whole purpose of getting better.

[Wondergirl]

That's not true at all! Half of the staff at the library where I worked was on prescribed meds for mental problems, including depression. What shows strength is that you keep dealing with it, not lie down and die whispering "poor me."

[Praecautus]

Well to assume that I wallow in self pity is absurd. I never say "poor me", I only accept the reality of the situation. I am beating myself up as much as I can, there isn't much more you guys can expect from me. What you don't think I remind myself every day that I need to be a better person that I need to get out and do something and stop being lazy? You know everyone tries to telly you... don't blame yourself everything isn't your fault. Well everything that happens to you is in some way your fault. I could have avoided all of this if I would had been more responsible and take a little bit more caution in the way I present myself, all the stupid **** I do all the time could easily be avoided if I would take a little bit more time and patience. Every problem can either have been prevented or be prevented, problem was I wasn't smart enough or strong enough to do it and I know it. I wouldn't even be here if I tried a little bit harder to do better. I wouldn't be depressed if I handled my stress better. What do you want me to say and I will say it!

I ruined my life, I killed myself already. If you disagree why can't I get a job with law enforcement or the military, is there some sort of medication I can take to do that? Seriously what do you expect, I am not making excuses for myself, these are the cold hard facts.

[Praecautus]

You know what your right, I am laying down and whimpering "poor me". Guess it's the only thing I am good at any more. Sorry about the rant, thanks for showing me where I'm going wrong.

[Wondergirl]

Well to assume that I wallow in self pity is absurd. I never say "poor me"

I didn't say you do. I don't want you to be back here in five years having this same conversation with someone. You're too good for that.

I only accept the reality of the situation.

I disagree. You are creating your own reality for job hunting. Take one step at a time.

I could have avoided all of this if I would had been more responsible and take a little bit more caution in the way I present myself, all the stupid **** I do all the time could easily be avoided if I would take a little bit more time and patience.

So don't do it again now.

I ruined my life, I killed myself already. If you disagree why can't I get a job with law enforcement or the military, is there some sort of medication I can take to do that? Seriously what do you expect, I am not making excuses for myself, these are the cold hard facts.

You haven't ruined your life yet. Your life has barely started. Let me know how things go at the library. Did you check its web site on the chart I gave you the link to to see if they take volunteers?

[Praecautus]

It doesn't say they do but it doesn't say they don't.

[Wondergirl]

Well, check. Or if they don't have volunteers, offer to be their first one. Tell them how wonderful volunteers will make their library life. (Can you tell I started a fantastic volunteer corps and coordinated everyone for 16 years until I had to resign last year?)

[Praecautus]

I here people say that depressed people drain the energy of those around them, and they have a tendency to make other people depressed. Do I really want to bring that to a library?

[Wondergirl]

Yes.