[baltinena]

I work in a very small department and have been here for about 3 years. We all started around the same time and are a total of 3, one male, and 2 females, including myself. We all got along fairly well, going out to lunches and chitchat. About a year ago, we hired a new employee (another female), who I had pushed to get on board. We all seemed to jell well and it was one big happy department.

But then all of a sudden for the past few months, everything has shifted. The female coworkers have started to completely ignore me and talk among themselves, as if I don't even exist anymore. They both sneak out to lunches, never once asking me and chat all day online. It's even gotten this far, that when I was sick, not one of them even bothered to see how I was doing or feeling! I mean what happened to common courtesy!

It's become very awkward and uncomfortable since we're such a small department. I have been trying to wrap my brain around, why they are giving me this cold treatment. I cannot think of anything! I always made efforts to include all of them in anything we did or talked about because I didn't want anyone to feel left out.

So I don't get why I'm being singled out all of a sudden. I can't help but feel sensitive about this entire issue. I even asked the coworker who started the same time as me, is there something going on that I should be aware of? But she flatly denied anything being wrong. Now I'm at a point where I don't know what to do! I don't want to come across as a baby in the work place. I have been focusing on my work and trying to not let this get to me, but it's hard for it not to. Please offer any feedback or suggestions. I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

[JudyKayTee]

I was an office manager for a fairly large department and saw the "these people are not friends with those people" problem all the time.

If you want to know why specific people are excluding you, ask them. I wouldn't ask a third party and drag that person into it. Ask the people who are directly involved.

They might simply have more similar interests with each other than with you. It may be more sinister.

The only way to know is to ask.

Unfortunately people don't feel the way you do (include everybody, don't leave anybody out) and choose to allow their personal lives to interfere with their work lives. If these two have a personal connection they SHOULD include you in work functions and then also have a personal connection - but I know SHOULD and DO are different things and no office manager is going to get into this situation.

So, again, I'd ask - maybe you won't get an answer but you'll get the question out there.

[I wish]

It's difficult to determine what exactly is going in their minds. It could be a simple matter of wanting to have girl-talks, but they can't do it when a guy a around.

There's a possibility that something happened that you are unaware of.

Since we're not sure if there's anything serious yet, my suggestion would be to keep it light, try to approach them and suggest: "Hey, we haven't gone out for lunch together in a while, let's go today." And then go from there. There's no reason to escalate the tension if you're unsure of what's really going on.

[Fr_Chuck]

They are co workers, and often not friends, not anything but people who share office space.