[jculv]

I have been friends with A for 12 years. We met in middle school and became instant friends. Her family camped with mine every summer, we played both varsity and club volleyball together in high school, and we were the picture of what you would consider "best friends".

She went to school in chicago for vocal performance but got kicked out to due bad grades. She moved back in with her mom and went to the local college. We were always in touch with one another either in person, on the phone, or over skype. I supported her when broke up with a really good guy to date someone who went to our high school that she had had a crush on. When that relationship ended I still supported her and just overall wanted her to be happy.

I dated D in high school from the age of 15 through 20. We broke up because of long distance. He ended up having to drop out of school a few months after we broke up because he had run out of money. He moved back to our home town and into his parent's basement. My parents never liked him because he made terrible financial decisions and was easily influenced by his friends.

When I was in my last year of college I started dating a wonderful guy. We had been friends for a while and he turned out to be the right person for me. We have since graduated college, have bought a house, and are engaged.

About a week ago, A sent me a Facebook message saying that her and D had been messing around for the past couple months and that they decided to make it official. She sent an email to all of our friends telling them that her and D were now dating and everyone should be happy for them. It was blunt and it hurt. I was expecting at least a phone call? This is someone who I have been talking to at least 4x a week for the last 12 years. It was like my friendship with her just got stuck on the back burner in her rush to inform everyone about her new boyfriend. She is also one of those people who updates her Facebook 6x a day... which used to be endearing more then anything... but now I just want to de-friend her, delete her phone number, and just continue on with my life. I don't know how else to get over this anger. This drama is overwhelming, and I have had mutual friends calling, texting, and sending me messages all week about my opinion on all of this. I just want to move on.

Im sad and angry and just miss my friend. I feel like there is no way I can trust her again. I wanted her to find a guy who would set a good example and get her motivated to start her real adult life. I feel like she just does not care about me, she even wrote "Well ill be sad if you don't want to be my friend anymore, but ill understand." Ouch.

Is it okay to end this friendship? Am I justified for being upset that she did not tell me right away, or at least give me a phone call instead of a very short Facebook message? What is a healthy way to move on?

[kaka67]

She's a big girl and will do what she wants to. We always want the best for the people we care for just like your parents did for you. Doesn't mean we do it.

The best thing for you would be to wish her well, delete all contact and get on with life with that great guy your with. That's how you move on.

If you don't want drama in your life then nip it in the bud. Tell your other friends you don't care. The less you add to the drama the quicker it will go away.

Think of this as a blessing. She's finally shown her true colours.

[answerme_tender]

Jculv,


I am going to approach this from different point of view. You are engaged and extremely happy with you man, You have moved on with you life, you seem to have it all together in a very loving and mature relationship.

Why are you having such a problem with your friend dating an ex-boyfriend? I could see it if you hadn't found your soulmate. Why is it such a bad thing, you don't still have feelings for this man, and you apparently are better off. I agree she should have told you, but what did you want her to do ask your permission. Let's say she did ask permission to date him, would you of given her the okay.

Has she not shown enough happiness for you in your relationship, not been there enough, not been a good enough friend through out your childhood because of this situation you are willing to write her off as a friend, to just throw those years away over her dating an ex-boyfriend.

This is your choice, a friendship that has been there all these year is hard to get back. You have no idea if her relationship with him will even last. Leave the past hurt from this ex in the past, don't let it control your future with your friend.

Take care and congrats on your engagement!

[talaniman]

You have a great guy, and a great life, and maybe finding out about your friend, and the ex, the way everyone else did, is disappointing, but not all that big of a deal. Your friendship may change, but doesn't have to end. Give her time, and space but, hey she is happy, and so should you be for her, so let her enjoy herself, because why should it stop you from enjoying yourself?