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cantdoitlikeme · Jan 19, 2011, 08:48 PM

Ok well to give you all some background before I get into the situation... my husband and I met 7 years ago, he was into drugs really bad and I liked the bad boys... except this bad boy had a girl and a 4 mo old baby. I didn't like him at first and they needed a place to stay so I let them stay at my place. I started liking him and told them they had to move out (told them it was because they fought to much) so they did and within a few days they broke up and we got together. He was going between us both for about 2 months before he got into trouble and went to prison... I stayed with him. Now 6 years later all this drama is coming up... his babies mothers aunt has guardianship of there child and just started letting me take her places (the aunt comes also) and now his babies mother is saying she is going to beat my a$$, go to my families house and do the same thing to them, come to my job and all that. I have bit my tongue for 6 years because I know I did her really wrong but I am at the point of flipping out about this. I cannot just completely ignore her (trust me I have tried) she has always been very close to his family and still is. I just don't know how to make all this drama end, I have tried apologizing for everything but it isn't helping?? She is constantly writing my now husband and I would be completely fine w that but they are never about there daughter just about how she wants him back C'ON HES IN PRISON(he sends the letters to me) I'm just to my wits end and need some good advice... someone please help

Fr_Chuck · Jan 19, 2011, 09:08 PM

You of course have no legal rights to see or visit the child, only your husband would if he has any visits rights.

But then the babies momma has not say, since she does not have custody of the child either.

Best advice, since she does not have custody and there is no reason to talk to the momma, don't answer her calls, don't open her emails and hang up if she calls from a number you don't know.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2011, 09:38 AM

The way I see it, you are the cause of all the drama with seeing her baby. Why do you feel like you should have anything to do with HER child? He is in jail, and you should stay out of HER life, and HER child's life.

End of drama!!

answerme_tender · Jan 20, 2011, 11:02 AM

My question is why would you even what to be in the middle of this situation!! Goodness don't you want a NORMAL relationship, you know with a man who isn't in jail. A man that can actually contribute to the whole relationship thing. This is a lot of drama to be in for a man who is in Jail. Let him deal with it!!

liongal · Jan 20, 2011, 02:31 PM

Agree with all the above.

The writing was on the wall for all the issues you are experiencing! It's good that you acknowledge this, but you are clearly married to a man who's life is full of Drama: Drugs, jail, vengful ex with his child. The only advise and support I can offer is for you to pray to God for guidance, as the path you have chosen is not a smooth one.

God Bless

cantdoitlikeme · Jan 20, 2011, 04:55 PM

I know how it looks and I was sure I would get most of these responses... I am in love with a man in prison people have always judged me for that but it is what it is. This relationship was just conviente for me at first all the emotional stuff without being tied down, then it turned into something a lot more. He makes me happy while he is in prison, how many people can actually say that about there marriage? Yes there are sacrifices like all the physical stuff but every relationship has sacrifices mine are just different from the normal. I have always cared about her, his baby's mother does not have her so I didn't think she would cause all this drama. When my husband gets out this coming up year he is going to have a relationship w his daughter if she already knows me it will make the transition easer for her.

@ tala calm down there turbo no need for hostility... I feel as if I have a responsibility to her since I am her step mom, she is a child that is growing up with out her father and her mother is not there for her so why not have a good role model in her life? Why shouldn't I help a child just for the simple fact I did not give birth to her?

@answ, I would love to have a "normal" relationship with someone who isn't in jail but I have feel in love with this man,, I have decided to make the sacrifice of all the "normal" stuff for all the not common stuff like the love letters I get more then once a week, the look of surprise to see me even though I have been coming to visit every week for 5 years and all the rest that comes with it.

@lion thanks you for the advice and not being judgmental

NOW IF ANYONE HAS ANY ADVICE I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT... the key word in that is advice please do not judge me any rude remarks I have heard before so save your breath. Thanks

Shadowburn · Jan 20, 2011, 05:47 PM

This whole so called relationship is so dysfunctional and so unhealthy, why are you trying to rationalize it. There are better men out there. What are you getting out of it? All this drama for love letters and visits in a jail once a week? Ask yourself why do you think so little of yourself to settle for this.

And I am not trying to be rude, I am just puzzled. What kind of advice you are expecting to get? Do not deal with baby's mother at all. She is none of your concern, as well as their child.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2011, 08:43 PM

When does he get out?

answerme_tender · Jan 21, 2011, 08:38 AM

All right you are correct whom we marry is our own business.

I understand that you would like to have some type of relationship with your step daughter. However you have no legal rights. At least this child has the Aunt to depend on. Hopefully when things settle down you can once again start a relationship up with your step daughter. Also even though you are unable to see this child, you can still send cards, little notes,etc to tell her how much you care for her, as long as the Aunt doesn't mind.

Take care