[tazma95]

I really hate my mum at the moment she went through all my things and found some stuff that I didn't want her to see. Now I'm in trouble she should have just stayed out of my things. She read my journal and found out that I slept with my boyfriend she's not happy about that she doesn't want me to see him anymore but she can't stop me. She found some pills in my room and is going off about that. I tried talking to her but she just yells at me. I just want her to understand that I'm 15 and I can make my own decisions and that I feel really hurt that she would not trust me and go through my things. I never gave her any reason to do that I'm not a bad kid I just want her to understand and to listen to me

[cdad]

For one thing your already making poor decisions and it is showing in what your doing. You need to be the good child and listen to your mom. At 15 you really don't know it all. Having sex and taking pills is extremely irresponsible. You need to stop that right away. Your mother has the right to not only go through your stuff but to take it all away. Choose carefully. Do extra chores and start being grateful for what you have been given. Consider this a second chance at life before it goes terminaly awry.

[J_9]

If you live in your mother's house, one thing you don't understand is that it is HER house and she has every right to go through your room.

If I found out my daughter was having sex at 15 I'd be upset too!

Pills? What kind of pills? Where did you get them? Why are you taking pills? I hope they are birth control pills!

Time to realize that you are the child here. She has the right to bring you up as she sees fit. Since you are a child trying to behave as an adult, with adult consequences, I don't see that she did anything wrong.

[adviceishere]

I feel really hurt that she would not trust me and go through my things.

but she obviously couldn't trust you...

[tazma95]

Comment on J_9's post

I work, pay her rent and half of the bills I thought that would enttle me to some privacy. The pills are nothing bad just to help me study 4 school its hard working and going to school at the same time I just needed a little help. I need her to listen

Comment on califdadof3's post

I don't make poor decisions. I am responsible I went to the doctors and got birthcontrol before I even had sex I make sure he uses a condom. She can't take my stuff I paid for it and I pay my share of everything ,I just want her to listen to me talk 2 m

Comment on adviceishere's post

I never gave her any reason not to trust me. I am good, I come home when she says to I pay my own way I do good in school so I don't see why she went through my room id understand if I was bad or something but I'm not and she had no right 2

I hate her so much at the moment she won't listen to any thing I have to say. I've tried talking to her but she won't listen she says that I have to leave my boyfriend and go to the doctors and tell them about the pills she found.I just want her to listen to me. Its my body and I have been responsible about using birthcontrol we both got tested for std s before we even slept together and the pills well I only use them to help with studying. I just don't knnow how to make her listen to me I try and she just yells or she walks away she said she will listen to me when I do what she says. I don't think that's fair if she won't listen to me why should I listen to her and how is that fair that I have to leave my boyfriend just to make her happy. My boyfriend even came around so we could talk to her but she just yelled at him to get out of her house. I'm just trying to explain to her my point of veiw she's very clear about hers so why won't she listen to mine. I'm not a bad kid I do respect what she has to say so she should have the same respect for me and I don't think just because she is my mum she should be able to control my life she should give me advise and listen to me but let me make my own choices

[Cat1864]

Tazma, a bit of advice on using this site: there is a box at the bottom of the page labeled My Answer. It allows you to respond to the thread and it gives you more room than the Comment box does.

Another tip: Please do not use chat speak. It is against site rules and result in your post getting deleted or your thread being closed. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules

Okay, on to your problem:

Taking pills to help you study is dangerous and irresponsible. Many people start taking pills for studying and then it is for work then it is for going out...

How old is your boyfriend? Do his parents know what you two have been up to?

No form of birth control is 100% effective. Even pills and condoms used together don't work all the time. Just ask some of our members who are proud parents.

You are 15. You are by legal definition a minor and subject to your mother's rules. Even if you pay rent you are subject to your landlady's rules.

Your mother is legally responsible for everything you do while you are a minor. Apparently you weren't covering your tracks as well as you thought you were if she felt the need to go through your belongings. Are you sure you are doing as well as you think you are?

You want your mother to listen to you, but have you listened to her. Have you actually paid attention to what she is trying to tell you?

Who are you going to blame when the house of cards (pills and sex) falls down around you?

[tazma95]

My boyfriend is 21 I know that doesn't sound really good but we have been friends for ages and he is very respectful of me and what I want. He doesn't live with his parents he has his own place.

I have listened to what she has to say. I understand that she doesn't want me to have sex with my boyfriend I know what can happen (pregnant) I know nothing isn't 100% safe. But she also needs to understand that it is my body and I can do what I like if that means sleeping with him then I don't see what she can do. I don't want her to be mad at me I would like to be able to talk to her about it. Just because I'm 15 doesn't mean she has to treat me like a little kid. I know taking the pills isn't the best way to study but you have no idea the pressure I'm under trying to do well at school so I can get into a good university when the time comes at the end of the day I'm only trying to make her proud of me.

I understand that the choices I make can and might have negative consequences. But it would be nice to be able to talk to my mum about if she wants me to listen to her then isn't it only fair she listens to me. I just don't know what do to make her listen

[Wondergirl]

But she also needs to understand that it is my body and I can do what I like

Actually, no. Your body is hers until you are 18 when you become legally an adult.

Just because I'm 15 doesn't mean she has to treat me like a little kid.

Then stop acting like one.

I know taking the pills isn't the best way to study but you have no idea the pressure I'm under

Who's applying the pressure? Pills aren't the answer.

But it would be nice to be able to talk to my mum about if she wants me to listen to her then isn't it only fair she listens to me. I just don't know what do to make her listen

How you make her listen? You listen to her first. It doesn't sound like you have been and are doing that.

[Cat1864]

Tazma, what part of the world do you live in? I am asking this for a very important reason. Pregnancy may be the least of your boyfriend's problems. Do you know the term 'Statutory Rape'? Do you know what it means? Depending of the Age of Consent where you live, your mother may be able to bring charges against him. If you go against her wishes, other laws could apply, too.

You seem to be slipping into a common trap and I don't want to see all of your hard work go to waste any more than your mother does.

How long ago did all of this happen? Perhaps if you do as she asks and give her time to calm down, she will be more open to hearing what you want to say. I highly doubt she will agree with your argument and rationalization, but she may be less inclined to cause him any problems.

For this moment, calm yourself down and act as mature as you believe you are. This is a chance to prove to your mother that you can handle a problem without making it worse. Trust me, as a mother, how you act and react will go a long ways toward proving your point. It will work a lot better than trying to make her listen.

If you want to be heard, show her that you are listening to her. Repeating 'It's my body... ' will probably not go over well. Think about other ways to explain your point of view. You might even write them down and see if you would accept them if you were the mother and it was your child who said these things to you. Be honest with yourself.

[tazma95]

I live in Australia. So your saying that she can bring charges against him that's stupid when I wanted to sleep with him. So the only way I can get her to listen is to not see him anymore. I know I sound like a kid saying this but how is that fair. Do as I say or else! Isn't it my life. I want her to listen to me but I don't want to give up the one person who has supported me through all the hard times in my life. I know if it was my daughter I wouldn't be happy about it but id at least talk to her about it not yell and not care what she has to say. She treats me like an adult get a job, pay rent, but then when she finds out something she doesn't like then all of a sudden she treats me like a child. I don't want to cause problems with her or for him either. She doesn't understand the amount of pressure she puts on me "do well in school so you can go to university" "get a job so you can learn how to manage money and pay bills" so I try I just need a little help sometimes. My boyfriend is a big help she doesn't even know it he's the one that helps me study he doesn't like me taking the pills but at least he understand he doesn't yell he just talks to me. If she takes that away I have nothing its not like she ever supports me she has her own problems

[talaniman]

I live in Australia. So your saying that she can bring charges against him that's stupid when I wanted to sleep with him.

Wrong, Your boyfriend broke the law!

Federal laws (legislation that applies to all Australian people)Under federal legislation, it is an offence for an Australian citizen, resident or body corporate[1] while outside of Australia to have sexual intercourse with a child under the age of 16 [2] or to induce a child under the age of 16 to have sexual intercourse,[3] or be somehow involved in a similar sexual act.[4]

It is an offence in the Australian Capital Territory to engage in sexual intercourse with a person under the age of 16 (Crimes Act 1900, s55(2)). However it is a defence if the younger party was aged 10 years or older and the offender was not more than 2 years older than the younger party. (s55(3b))

I mean really, what do you expect a mom to do when their CHILD has a 21 year old man as a boyfriend? She is supposed to check through her stuff to make sure things are on the up and up, and what did she find? Her 15 year old daughter is having sex with a grown man, and doing drugs!! So much for the innocent responsible act! What a sham, and you should consider yourself lucky this fellow ain't in jail, and you ain't locked up in a rehab somewhere.

Quite whining and do as your told before YOUR worst fears are realized. Jail for him, and rehab for you.

Now straighten up your act, and do as your told, or your mom will do more than scream, and holler.

You get treated like you act, so don't blame your problems on anyone but yourself!!

[tazma95]

I wasn't trying to blame my problems on anyone.I just wanted her to listen to what I had to say. Being a teenager isn't easy I'm sure I'm going to make lots of mistakes but it sure would be nice to be able to talk to my mum about it. Maybe I would listen to her if she was talking instead of yelling at me. I know sleeping with him probably isn't a good idea seeing as I know now its against the law I don't want to cause trouble for him.And I'm not a drug addict so I don't need to go to rehab I only use them when I need to.

[talaniman]

I don't need to go to rehab I only use them when I need to.

Wrap your brain around this one, a 15 year old who uses drugs when she NEEDS them. I would send you against your will, whether you NEEDED to go or not. That's how addiction starts with a NEED.

I suspect talking to your mom would be easier when you prove you do listen. You have proved to her you do NOT. You have potential, use it, and see if her attitude doesn't change, because as a parent we never listen to our children when we know they are NOT listening to us.

Your words, and actions just don't match.

Saying you are, and doing such destructive things as having sex, and doing drugs is not listening. No matter how smart you think you are, because you don't need a grown man in your life as a boyfriend, nor NEED to do drugs, NO 15 YEAR OLD DOES, and until you stop both behaviors, no one will listen to your justifications, and you telling them how smart, and responsible you are when you are carrying on doing the WRONG things. It ain't going to happen.

Your words, and actions just don't match! They are not those of a responsible teen ager who obeys her parents and listens to them.

[tazma95]

So I just have no choice I'm my own life if I want her to listen to me I must do as she says. I'll do as she says stop seeing mt boyfriend stop taking the pills. Then what is she going to say when my studys start to go down hill.I go to school until 3 then I work until 9pm then I come home and have to try and study if I don't have my pills to keep me awake to study I fall asleep then I fail my classes (not what I want). If I didn't have to work it would be easier but that's not a choice I get to make either that's something she wants me to do so as you say I obey her and be a good child.I understand now to be listen to you have to do what makes your parents happy and not what makes you happy. Thank you for making me realise its all about making her happy and my opinion or what I want really doesn't matter.

[cdad]

So i just have no choice im my own life if i want her to listen to me i must do as she says. I'll do as she says stop seeing mt boyfriend stop taking the pills. Then what is she gonna say when my studys start to go down hill.I go to school until 3 then i work until 9pm then i come home and have to try and study if i dont have my pills to keep me awake to study i fall asleep then i fail my classes (not what i want). If i didnt have to work it would be easier but thats not a choice i get to make either thats something she wants me to do so as you say i obey her and be a good child.I understand now to be listen to you have to do what makes your parents happy and not what makes you happy. Thankyou for making me realise its all about making her happy and my opinion or what i want really dosnt matter.

Ok, Im going to try to explain this. Right now your asperations do count. Your mom is doing her best to see that you can do your best when you get out on your own. The world doesn't bend your way. If you think your mom is harsh try coming back here in 6 years and tell us what life is like. Your getting a chance to smarten up and be ahead of your peers. I know you don't see it but this discpline now is going to carry you a very long way into the furture.

I applaud you for doing good in school and having a job that your keeping up with. But as with later in life its all about choices and only biting off what you can chew and not more so life doesn't choke you. You are important and yes your loved because if your mom didn't care then she wouldn't put the effort there. She's being your mom not your best friend. That part actually does come later ;)

Good Luck !

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to califdadof3 again.

Originally Posted by tazma95
So I just have no choice I'm my own life if I want her to listen to me I must do as she says.

Not now you don't, but it won't be long before you will be fully responsible for yourself, and can do as you wish.

I go to school until 3 then I work until 9pm then I come home and have to try and study if I don't have my pills to keep me awake to study I fall asleep then I fail my classes (not what I want)

Pills are no substitute for good study habits, and self discipline. You will find that you don't NEED those pills to be a good student, and a hard worker and finding that out now will serve you well later. Bad habits like drugs are hard to break later.

I understand now to be listen to you have to do what makes your parents happy and not what makes you happy. Thank you for making me realise its all about making her happy and my opinion or what I want really doesn't matter.

Despite your sarcasm, you are spot on. When you "grow up" you will understand better, and when you have a half grown, rebellious daughter of your own to raise, you will really understand.

[tazma95]

I understand that she is just trying to prepare me for when I'm an adult by having a job and doing good at school.Woudnt it be good if she also let me make my own choices even if they do turn out to be a mistakes. I just want to have some kind of a life I never have time no do much else just work and study as you say I'm only 15, I hardly ever got to see my boyfriend or my friends.Now I have to break up with him that's not going to be easy "sorry but my mum said i can't see you". Now I don't even feel like I have any privay in my own home she can just go through all my things when ever she wants. If she would listen to me and didn't react the way she does then I wouldn't have to hide things from her but she doesn't listen. If its not good using pills to help me study when I'm so tired and can't concentrate then what am I suppose to do? I don't want to fail school I want to go to uni and get a good job I don't see that there are any other options

[talaniman]

Work hard and give it your best shot. You can do this the right way and your mom will be proud, you will be proud, and for sure, we will be proud of you.

[tazma95]

Its not that easy to just lay my future on the table and say ha just give it your best shot. What if my best shot isn't good enough, what if I can't study and fall asleep and fall behind then I'm screwed. No uni no future just a dead end job. Yeah that sounds great. I will stop seeing my boyfriend for now. Ill be 16 in a few months, by then I will have listen to what she said then she should listen to me. Ill be a "good little girl" but as for the pills well it is my future and if it's the only way that I can study while still woring and making her happy then I guess ill just have to find a better way to hide them. I see no other way to be able to get good grades work and keep her happy

[Wondergirl]

its not that easy to just lay my future on the table and say ha just give it your best shot. What if my best shot isnt good enough, what if i can't study and fall asleep and fall behind then im screwed. No uni no future just a dead end job. Yeah that sounds great. I will stop seeing my boyfriend for now. ill be 16 in a few months, by then i will have listen to what she said then she should listen to me. Ill be a "good little girl" but as for the pills well it is my future and if its the only way that i can study while still woring and making her happy then i guess ill just have to find a better way to hide them. I see no other way to be able to get good grades work and keep her happy

Do you work every day from 3 to 9? What do you do?

Are you hooked (psychologically) on the pills?

If you're as smart as you say you are, why can't you get your schoolwork done and be in bed by midnight? If you have a strict bedtime routine and stick to it every night (without relationship thoughts crowding your brain), you should be able to go to sleep fairly quickly and sleep through the night.