[bradb26]

I can't seem to get the right bit of advice. Someone help me out here! For the first 10 months of our relationship, my girlfriend and I spent nearly every second together, with only a handful of little picky fights. Nothing big though. I realize that this was a mistake because we had only been friends about a month prior to dating. We ended up living together after only dating for about 3 months. Well after 10 months of absolute bliss, we were separated (we are both military... she was sent to Iraq, and I was sent to Tampa). This is when things took a serious decline. My biggest mistake was that I couldn't leave her alone. I was constantly wanting to talk to her several times a day, constantly emailing her, and things like that. I basically smothered her. And by the time I realized what I was doing and backed off, the damage had been done and it was too late. She had already put up a "wall", and wouldn't talk to me. We were engaged when we separated. Well after 3 months of bickering, we are now to the point that the wedding got called off, we aren't going to live together when she gets back, and we aren't even a couple anymore. We still communicate at this point, but right now we are more of friends. What sucks is that I still love her more than anything in the world. She is definitely my first true love. So what she has asked of me is to give her space and when she gets home we will have to rebuild the friendship first, then MAYBE begin dating again. The biggest reason she said she wants to do this is to focus on HER future, and career, and how to get where she wants to be in life. And when I asked her if she saw me in her future with her, she said at this point, she doesn't know. For the past 2 months, she has been basically messing with my head. One day, she'll tell me "I miss you so much, and can't wait to marry you, see you, etc". Then 3 days later, it'll be; "I don't know what I want, or if I want to be with you anymore". Then 3 days after that its, "I miss you again....". I know she's in Iraq and all, but if you truly love someone, shouldn't the answer be easy?
So my question is; Do I sit back, maintain the friendship (although it will hurt like hell seeing her go out with other guys) and hope for the best? Or do I cut my losses, and move on? My feelings for her are still extremely strong, even after all we have been through. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any advice is better than none...

[talaniman]

First my friend Long Distance Relationship are really hard on a couple and as I see it she is going to get her life together whether she marries you or not, and while I can understand the very strong feelings you have for your FIRST real love be aware that You been shooting yourself in the foot by pressuring her about a relationship, while she wants a life. You should be balancing your life out, and not be so needy of her to make you happy. You should be doing the same thing she is doing, working on your future life, and do this with out her. Hard I know but this forum is full of people like you who are so stuck with the idea of being in love, they neglect the obligation to themselves to have a life apart from their first love. Your keeping her alive in your mind and neglecting who you are and what you want from life. No more waiting around on what if, get you a life that you enjoy without her. This would be more impressive than a love sick puppy who needs love, but offers very little in the adult world. Get healthy and date around and really you should be leaving her alone while you work on your own act.

[bradb26]

I guess that's the good thing. I have had plenty of time to sit and reflect on what has happened and have realized I need to get a life outside of the relationship. The thing is, she has seen these changes, and still doesn't want to completely shut the door on us trying again someday; so I guess that's a good sign. I've never been through anything like this before (never had such strong feelings before), so its new to me... LOL.

[talaniman]

I've never been through anything like this before (never had such strong feelings before), so its new to me... LOL.

Believe me we all have been through it, Its tough I can admit that, but its about growing, and learning.